"Sure, tearing each other’s clothes off is hot and all, but I’ll go out on a limb and argue that nothing’s hotter than the warm-up to the main event. While women need foreplay to get adequately aroused, luxuriating and taking your time before intercourse is the best way to build anticipation and excitement. But alas, it’s easy to fall into a sexual rut once you find what you like. When this happens and things get a bit stale in the bedroom, experimenting with foreplay ideas is key. It’ll give your sex life the refresh it needs while simultaneously helping you discover new things about yourself and what turns you on. So, in the spirit of helping you have the sex life you deserve, we’ve rounded up eight different foreplay ideas that will spice things up—because life is too short to settle for mediocrity in the bedroom.
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1. Build anticipation
Contrary to popular opinion, foreplay doesn’t have to be relegated to the time right before the event. Instead, build anticipation beforehand by getting your body and mind ready for sex. This might mean indulging in an everything shower, putting on a sexy outfit, drinking a libido-boosting beverage, sending your partner a naughty text, and so forth. Whatever you decide, taking the time to do things that make you feel good will help you tap into your sensual side and make foreplay that much more exciting.
Similarly, when it comes time to get down and dirty, try kicking things off in a different place, like the shower, kitchen, or living room. Not only will this spontaneity shake things up, but it’ll also make you feel like you’re in one of those sex scenes where the lovers can’t keep their hands off each other. Which, needless to say, will make it even hotter.
2. Give each other a sensual massage
It’s no secret that stress and tension can seriously inhibit libido and your ability to orgasm, but a sensual massage is the best antidote. Taking the time to touch each other slowly and all over (think: all the erogenous zones, like the nipples, lower back, neck, etc.) is going to help you both relax and increase desire like never before; lingering touch is key here because you won’t feel rushed. Likewise, don’t be afraid to set the mood by dimming the lights, lighting some candles, and bringing some massage oil into the mix.
Designed to help you heat things up by slowing down, this oil was made for full-body touch. Not only is the formula quick-absorbing, non-greasy and all-natural but it’s also loaded with desire-enhancing ingredients like ylang-ylang oil and organic botanicals.
Formulated with organic coconut oil and hemp extract, this body oil was made to release tension and promote relaxation. What’s more, it also doubles as lube, so you can use it for(e) play however you like.
A dual-purpose candle that can tantalize your sense of smell and touch? Say no more. Simply light 20 minutes beforehand and allow the scent to get you in the mood, extinguish, then pour the oil onto your partner and vice versa for a sexy, nourishing massage.
3. Tease each other
It’s not uncommon to feel a sense of urgency during foreplay, but what’s the rush? Start by teasing each other with a light touch and almost kissing (think: getting close enough so your mouths are barely touching or breathing on the back of their neck). Then, work your way up to a lingering touch and gentle kisses before playing with the erogenous zones with your hands and mouths. Doing this will take you both to the brink and back and create a sense of urgency that’ll drive you crazy in the best way possible.
Additionally, this is also a great time to experiment with edging (AKA orgasm control). With edging, your partner takes you to the point right before climax, stops there, and starts again repeatedly. It might sound tortuous, but it actually makes orgasms way more rewarding and will seriously heat up your foreplay ideas.
4. Experiment with toys or kinks
If you’re looking for a way to spice up your sex life without stepping too far outside your comfort zone, look no further. Experimenting with sex toys or kinks is a great way to bring something new into the equation while learning more about your desires. Plus, it gives you a chance to work on your dirty talk. Of course, consent is non-negotiable, so be sure to talk to your partner beforehand about boundaries and safe words.
Get closer than ever with this remote-controlled double-ended vibrating dildo. Made especially for female-on-female intimacy (though it works for all couples and genders), this toy provides real-time echo feedback so you can experience your partner’s pleasure in time with your own.
Don’t let this pretty vibe fool you. It delivers mind-blowing clitoral pleasure and even better orgasms thanks to its strong pulsing surface, teasing petals, and 10 different vibrating modes.
PSA: Anal play is one of the best ways to add more pleasure into your sex life. And this luxurious option from plusOne is made of luxurious body-safe silicone, has a flexible and detachable neck, and 10 remote-controlled vibration settings.
Light as a feather, use this toy to experiment with different sensations over the body and on the erogenous zones. Available in black and red.
5. Act out a fantasy
Having sexual fantasies is part of being human, and what better way to spice up foreplay than acting one out? Sit down with your partner and talk about your respective desires and sexy daydreams to get an idea of what you’re both into. Getting this out in the open will also be a form of foreplay for both of you as well since it’ll get you excited for what’s to come. From there, decide together which one you’re going to act out, or write them down on paper and pull one out of a hat at random if you’re stuck. No matter what you do, consent is of the utmost importance here, so discuss boundaries, safe words, and the extent to which you’ll be acting out the fantasy before you start.
6. Play a sexy game
Sometimes, a little guidance is all you need to get the party started, and playing a sexy game is the perfect solution. There’s no denying that a little sexy competition won’t heat things up, and these games provide you with spicy prompts that will leave you and your partner wanting more. Plus, with an end result of steamy sex, there’s no possible way to lose, IMO.
Everyone’s favorite slumber party game just got a sexy upgrade. Pull a stick out at random and learn all the hot and dirty details there is to know about one another.
If you’re in a relationship, this game comes with 52 cards that are each designed to provide insight, ignite desire, and invite action while increasing your connection.
Relinquish control and leave the fate of your evening up to a sexy game of Jenga. Actions, wild cards, and more are on each building piece so couples can deepen their intimacy while having fun.
7. Try new oral sex positions
Oral sex and foreplay are practically synonymous, and experimenting with it is a surefire way to make sex spicy. So, after you’ve taken your time and eased into things, test out some new oral sex positions on your partner and vice versa. Don’t be afraid to try out more than one move in one go either; this will help prolong pleasure and increase anticipation for the main event. Also, try incorporating an oil-based lube as well to avoid any unwanted friction and make the taste more enjoyable, or experiment with temperature and new sensations by having your partner suck on an ice cube before going down on you.
8. Talk about what you like
Sometimes, talking about what you like is all you need to turn yourself and your partner on. The next time you’re in the mood to spice things up quickly, try telling each other what you love in the bedroom and want them to do to you (and don’t be shy with the specifics!). Describing how certain moves make you feel and why you want your partner to do them to you is going to have both of you itching to race to the bedroom and get to work.
9. Watch porn together
Similarly, if watching porn is something you’re both into, you can also try watching it together during foreplay. Evidence has suggested that doing this can lead to a better sex life, and it makes sense when you think about it. On top of providing sexual stimulation, porn can also help you better communicate your wants and needs to your partner because you’ll have visual examples for reference. Plus, it might inspire you to try a new thing or two, which definitely isn’t a bad thing.
That said, if watching porn is one of the foreplay ideas you’d like to explore, talk to your partner about it beforehand to gauge their level of interest and comfort level. Like all things in the bedroom, consent and boundaries are key, and it’s important that everyone feels comfortable. Likewise, consider using ethical porn sites to do this, like Sssh.com, which is made from a woman’s POV and also offers tons of porn alternatives, like audio porn and other erotic content.