"I imagine it felt revolutionary when the Bachelor franchise announced The Bachelorette, a spinoff in which a woman takes the lead in the reality romance competition show, over 20 years ago. We as a society have always been uncomfortable with women in leadership positions, after all—and that applies to the roles they’re allowed to occupy in romantic relationships. So when The Bachelorette aired its inaugural season, it must have felt like progress toward addressing the deep power imbalances in heterosexual relationships.
But this week, after The Bachelorette finale for the show’s 21st season, it’s clear that the franchise is still not delivering on its premise of putting a female lead in the driver’s seat.
How season 21 of The Bachelorette failed its lead
On September 3, we watched the finale of season 21 of The Bachelorette, a season with an Asian American woman in the lead role for the first time. When she was announced as the Bachelorette, Jenn Tran made one thing clear: She was ready to be the main character in her own story, something Asian women are rarely afforded in our media landscape.
Tran held onto her main character moment with all her might, but her opportunity to take control of her narrative was threatened at every turn: by franchise producers, by fans, and by the men on her season. The problems started the moment the franchise announced Tran as the Bachelorette. Though the mood was celebratory when Tran stepped onstage during the “After the Final Rose” segment of Joey’s season of The Bachelor, most of the program prior had highlighted two other white women from his season. This treatment meant fans focused more on the women who were not chosen for the role—Daisy and Maria—than on Tran herself. From there, the audience and the contestants on the show continued to remind Tran, time and time again, that these two white women were the expected choices.
As season 21 of The Bachelorette played out, we watched Tran fight to prove her own worth, not just to the male contestants but to the audience at large. “I am constantly working on my insecurities, constantly trying to be a better person. I am constantly trying to be a better version of myself every day,” Tran said in a TikTok video where she specifically addressed fans who criticized her. “There are people out here saying, ‘She doesn’t speak perfect Vietnamese, she’s not the representation we wanted.’ This whole gatekeeping identity thing is so toxic.” From her status as the Bachelorette to her race, Tran was forced to defend herself over and over again throughout her season, repeatedly justifying to fans that she deserved to be in control of her own love story as a woman of color.
Tran did everything in her power to claim her own agency, take the reins of her own journey, and advocate for herself—whether online or on the show. Instead of choosing a man and wondering if he’d propose to her, Tran saw the most fundamental gender imbalance in the show’s format, which has its male leads control the ultimate proposal and its female leads receive it. Tran took this into her own hands: As many of us suspected when we heard her ending would involve something we’ve “never seen on this show,” she opted to propose to her season’s winner (whom we won’t even name here—he doesn’t deserve any more attention). The moment of her proposal was one of empowerment until The Bachelorette finale ripped that empowerment away from her.
The Bachelorette finale disempowered Jenn Tran
When the live finale of season 21 of The Bachelorette aired, we learned that Tran’s final choice, a man who both accepted her proposal and then reciprocated with one of his own, basically ghosted her. Viewers watched as Tran broke down onstage next to host Jesse Palmer and tearfully recounted how she and her ex-fiancé hadn’t spoken in a month. Jesse’s only attempt to comfort Tran came when he said, “Jenn, you may not have found the one, but you have shown us all what a strong and capable woman looks like.” Tran only sobbed harder. Like all contestants, she didn’t go on the show to assert her independence—she went on the show to find love.
To add insult to injury, producers chose to air Tran’s proposal live, with cameras tight on her face as she cried and her ex sat stone-faced next to her. Tran had no choice, in her own words, but to sit and watch that history-making proposal alongside the man who broke her heart in front of a live studio audience and millions of viewers. She was completely out of the driver’s seat, and this unbelievably hard-to-watch Bachelorette finale showed how explicitly both producers and her ex treated her as a pawn throughout the season.
The Bachelorette finale sent a disappointing message
Tran’s season wasn’t just a major misstep on the part of the Bachelor franchise, but it also felt like a cautionary tale for all the women who find themselves struggling to drive their own love stories. While the show claims to be all about letting a woman lead her own love story, she’s still expected to wait for the man to get down on one knee for her. And if she doesn’t, she has no choice but to watch that moment back even when she clearly doesn’t want to.
“The moment of her proposal was one of empowerment until The Bachelorette finale ripped that empowerment away from her.”
Over 21 seasons of this show, we have seen Bachelorettes, a class of strong, smart, gorgeous women, fight to be deemed worthy of commitment only to be forced to take back seats in their own love stories. We see the male contestants tell these women that they “deserve a love” they’re incapable of providing. Instead of stepping up and being the men they claim these women deserve, they opt instead to walk away, to weaponize the woman’s standards as an excuse for them to skirt any type of personal responsibility.
We watch women, onscreen and off, do the emotional work of taking a boy and making him a man who is ready to commit. And when we finally see one of these incredible women attempt to tackle one aspect of this ever-present power dynamic, we see it backfire. It is simply another frustrating reminder of just how deeply rooted the power imbalances in relationships continue to be.
The Bachelor franchise is a symptom of a larger issue
The Bachelor franchise gets rightful flack for its mishandling of delicate issues like race and gender. It deserves a lot of that criticism for its repeated fumbling of conversations in this realm and mistreatment of minority cast members (which we just saw on full display in The Bachelorette finale).
But it’s not just on the franchise and show here. Reality TV, with all its production quality and edited storylines, is a reflection of the world around us. Media isn’t merely entertainment but also a mirror. Shows like The Bachelor spread messages about dating and romance that were formed long before these shows began.
If what we saw play out onscreen with Jenn Tran’s season of The Bachelorette is any indication, the power imbalances, gendered tropes, and emotional demands on women in relationships are as stubborn and sexist as ever. As we look toward the first season of The Golden Bachelorette this fall, it’s hard to imagine that ABC will deliver on its promise of empowering an older woman in her own love story. Until the culture that exists outside The Bachelorette treats women as the architects of their romantic lives, the franchise won’t deliver them that opportunity, either.
Zara Hanawalt, Contributing Writer
Zara Hanawalt is a freelance journalist with bylines in Glamour, Marie Claire, Cosmopolitan, and more. She has been writing for The Everygirl since 2018. Her work focuses on pop culture, internet culture, and empowering women in the entertainment landscape.