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There are some pretty great things about dating as a woman in 2023: people tend to be more sexually liberated than ever before, and it’s normalized to want both a career and a relationship. But if you’ve ever woken up on a set of navy sheets and missed the days when guys took girls on dates to drive-ins and asked them to “go steady,” you’re going to love this week’s episode of The Everygirl Podcast. We’re sitting down with Kim Murstein and Grandma Gail of the viral Excuse My Grandma duo to answer all of your dating questions and concerns.
When Kim moved in with her grandparents at the start of the pandemic, she started getting Grandma Gail’s advice on her dating life. This inspired the two of them to start Excuse My Grandma, where they chat all things dating and relationships from two different generational perspectives. Read on for three of their best dating tips, and check out this week’s episode of The Everygirl Podcast for more.
1. Leave a little something to the imagination (no, not in your clothing!)
Millennials and Gen Z constitute the “therapy generation” when it comes to dating—we want to know everyone’s traumas right away when we meet them, to get all of the potential surprises out of the way. But Grandma Gail believes getting to know someone new can be more lighthearted. “With dating, you have to stop analyzing each other so much, and just enjoy yourselves for what you give to the relationship,” she said. “Get deeper as you go out with somebody, but you have to give yourself time.”
If you often find yourself getting to the “ohhhhhh” moment (you know, when you find out that one thing about a person that rubs you the wrong way) a little earlier than you would like to in relationships, try keeping it light for the first several dates. There’s nothing wrong with having fun while getting to know someone—in fact, isn’t that kind of the point?
2. Know the difference between what you consider to be a red flag or an ick
Between icks, red flags, green flags, and even beige flags, there’s a lot of lingo out there now that can help you put your finger on exactly how you feel about a person. Kim and Gail have a laundry list of things to look out for in the early stages of a relationship. But there’s a difference between dealbreakers and just things you don’t like but can move past (also known as an “ick”). For example, someone obviously not prioritizing you is a red flag. Double texting may just be an ick.
Beyond helping you decide whether someone you’re dating is right for you, figuring out what a red flag versus an ick is to you can help you get in touch with yourself and your dating identity. Making these distinctions will mean you are more familiar with your own boundaries, which is crucial in relationships at any stage.
3. Skip the “exclusive” situationship stage
Let’s be real: you knew this one was coming. Both Kim and Gail are against the “exclusive-but-not-serious” stage, and for a good reason. “If you’re exclusive, you’re in a relationship,” Kim said. “The difference is that people think they don’t have to do boyfriend or girlfriend duties, but they still get all the benefits.” In the wise words of Grandma Gail, the exclusive stage is “a cop-out.” The responsibilities of a relationship come along with being exclusive, whether we want to admit it to ourselves or not.
As Kim and Gail point out, situationships can get pretty toxic, so why don’t we all just admit to ourselves that making things official is way better than an awkward, middle-of-the-road period? Skipping the exclusive stage might just give you a little more time to figure out whether or not you genuinely like a person — before you clear your entire roster.
