"Freshly baked holiday goodies, timeless family traditions, and anticipated gift-giving circles—there is so much to love about this time of year. We cherish spending time with loved ones and experiencing the holy jolly of the holidays, but there is one small thing that hinders the joy: People love to be nosey and ask questions about your life. Uncomfortable questions like “How’s your dating life going?” “So when are you two going to have a baby?” “What exactly does your business do anyway?” are dreadful, and frankly, none of anyone’s business.
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While you’re preparing your pies and apps for the party, it’s a good idea to prepare for these conversations and how you’d like to approach them, too. Because yes, it is possible to enjoy the season and the company that comes with it. As a seasoned question-dodger, here is my official guide to uncomfortable questions at family gatherings:
How to handle uncomfortable questions
Don’t take anything personally
It’s possible that a loved one can ask a hurtful question completely unintentionally, so this is a great opportunity to educate them on your current situation, beliefs, or dreams. For example, suppose someone doesn’t quite understand what you do for work or how you make any money, and they ask you a question that sounds like they are underestimating the importance of your job. In that case, you can respond with, “Thank you for asking, but that’s not quite it. I am a [insert job title], and I work on [overview of role]. I love what I do!” You can even share some of the career wins you have had this year. Remember, your loved ones care about you and just want to know more about what is going on in your life. They will appreciate you opening up and not getting annoyed with them for not knowing.
Kindly pivot to a light-hearted topic
Is it nearly impossible to avoid serious topics like politics and religion at family gatherings? This can be stressful and frustrating, but remember, not everyone has to be on the same page, and you didn’t come to the holiday party in search of everyone’s approval. Suppose a family member asks what your stance is on a certain topic, and you either don’t feel comfortable sharing or don’t want to get into the conversation at all. In that case, you can say something like “I appreciate your interest in my perspective, but I don’t want to get into [insert topic] tonight. I am more curious to know about….” This will help you kindly change the conversation to talk about something lighter. You can ask them about the trip they went on recently, their plans for the new year, or something else that is easy and won’t warrant an argument.
“Remember, your loved ones care about you and just want to know more about what is going on in your life. They will appreciate you opening up and not getting annoyed with them.”
Don’t disclose information you don’t want to
The best way to avoid getting deep into a conversation you don’t want to be in is by responding in a way that doesn’t give out much information. For example, if a family member asks you what happened with your ex, you can give an ambiguous response like “It didn’t work out, but it’s for the best!” Similarly, if you are asked what is taking you so long to graduate, you can respond by saying something funny like “I’m just trying to get my money’s worth!” By not giving a detailed response, you are protecting yourself from the emotions that might come with a particular topic. Eventually, since you aren’t giving out any information, everyone will stop asking… hopefully.
Ask for support ahead of time
There is nothing worse than feeling like you are being ganged up on at your own family gathering. Try keeping a sidekick nearby to help move the conversation. Do you have a sibling or a cousin that you can count on? Can you ask your mom before the party to help keep a certain topic of your life off-limits? Prepare them ahead of time by saying something like “I have a feeling [insert topic] might come up. If it does, can you be there to help me [divert the conversation or support me through it]?”
Come prepared with suggested entertainment
If you are worried that conversation could slim down through the duration of the get-together and point toward you, come prepared to suggest some fun things to keep everyone busy. There are plenty of ways to keep family members entertained that don’t consist of drilling each other with uncomfortable questions—like playing a card game, looking through old family photos, or watching home videos. This is far more fun than explaining why you haven’t found a new job yet or sharing how your dating life is going.
What to say to uncomfortable questions
You never know what Aunt Jan is going to ask next, but we are willing to bet that it’s either about your love life, your job, your appearance, or who you voted for in this year’s election. It’s best to be prepared for anything, so we are outlining some common scenarios and what the heck to say.
About your personal life…
- No date this year? What’s going on?
- “Nope! I prefer my own company right now.”
- Why isn’t your partner here?
- “They have other commitments, but they say hi!”
- So when are you two getting married?
- “When we feel like it!”
- What’s taking you two so long to have kids?
- “We are taking it one step at a time.”
About your career…
- How much are you making these days?
- “Enough to pay the bills!”
- No big promotion yet?
- “I’m actually working on XYZ, and I’m really excited about it.”
- How can you afford that?
- “I saved for it.”
About your appearance…
- Laying off the pie these days? It looks like you lost a few pounds.
- “I would never give up pie—I’m focused on being happy and healthy.”
- Did you change your hair? I liked it better when it was long…
- “Yep! I’m trying something new. What’s new with you?”
- It looks like you’re breaking out again. What’s going on?
- “Not sure! That’s a question for my dermatologist.”
About your lifestyle…
- Are you ever going to move back home?
- “I don’t know what the future holds, but I’m happy with where I am right now.”
- Why aren’t you drinking?
- “I just prefer not to, but I’m having a great time!”
- Who did you vote for?
- “Let’s not do this today.”
If all else fails, the best way to respond to an invasive, inappropriate, or straight-up uncomfortable question is with polite humor and boundaries. Redirect the conversation elsewhere, step away for a few minutes, take a deep breath, or go vent to your favorite cousin. Whatever you choose, remember that what’s going on in your life is no one’s business, even if they mean well when asking. You don’t owe anyone answers—if you’re happy, that’s all that really matters.
Hailey Bouche, Associate Editor
As an Associate Editor for The Everygirl, Hailey Bouche oversees, writes, and edits content across various categories on the site. From the pitching stage through publishing, she works alongside the team to ensure that the content that our readers see every day is inspiring, relatable, and timely.