If you’ve ever googled how to improve your sex life, you’ve likely come across tips on how to simulate the g-spot for bigger, stronger orgasms. This sensational spot has taken center stage of how-to guides, sex toys, and even books. For some people, all of this talk about the g-spot has led them to the mind-blowing orgasms as promised— myself included.
But, not everyone has had the same success from reading g-spot guides. Some people have tried countless toys, fingering techniques, ways to get in the mood, and well…nothing. It doesn’t feel good at all, let alone bring them to orgasm. In fact, there are even some researchers out there who say the g-spot doesn’t exist.
Um..what? How the hell is it possible that there are people who can feel their own g-spot, people who don’t like this area stimulated, and some researchers who say it doesn’t exist? We need answers.
This is your not-so-average guide to the g-spot that will break down what the g-spot really is (hint: it’s not just one thing), whether or not everyone has one, and what to do if g-spot stimulation doesn’t feel good for you (or your partner).
What the G-Spot Really Is
While the name implies that it’s one ‘spot’, the g-spot is actually an entire area inside the vaginal canal (shocking, I know). It’s located just a few inches inside the vagina, on the belly side of the vaginal wall.
Perhaps most surprisingly, the g-spot is not just one anatomical structure, it’s actually several different body parts. I talked to Dr. Laurie Mintz, the author of Becoming Clitearate and Sexpert for LELO, who said “the g-spot is made up of a number of distinct anatomical parts, including, but not limited to the vaginal wall, the urethra, a spongy area of erectile tissue that surrounds the urethra, and parts of the internal clitoris!”
The shocking news doesn’t just stop there though. Dr. Mintz says, “In fact, the proper name for this area is the clitoris-urethra-vagina (CUV) complex,” (insert wide-eye, shocked emoji).
If you’re like, what on earth are all of the words I just read, don’t worry— it basically means that the g-spot is the clitoris, vagina, and urethra (where urine comes out). Honestly, the names aren’t so important as just knowing that the g-spot is many parts, not just one.
Why Do Some People Say the G-Spot Doesn’t Exist?
Alright, put on your thinking cap (as my 6th grade teacher would say) because we’re about to clear up some major myths and confusion.
Emily Nagoski, Ph.D., Sex Researcher and author of Come As You Are, has already done the heavy lifting to answer this question— she writes in this article that there are a few main reasons sex researchers disagree about whether or not the g-spot exists.
The first reason being that researchers who have concluded the g-spot doesn’t exist have been looking for one area in the vagina with higher nerve density. And, guess what— they haven’t found it. This is no surprise because (as we learned) the g-spot isn’t one anatomical structure that researchers should be looking for— the g-spot is many different parts.
The second— and maybe most important— reason that Nagoski says researchers disagree about whether the g-spot exists, is because people vary. That sounds simple and basic, I know, but it actually has really huge implications.
You see, Nagoski points out something kind of absurd— the research that concludes the g-spot doesn’t exist, studied “only women who report not having a g-spot. Result? Researchers didn’t identify a g-spot.” In contrast, the research that did find a g-spot sampled women who did report having a g-spot.
So ya, it makes sense that if you study people who say they don’t have a g-spot, you won’t find a g-spot. And if you study people who do say they do have a g-spot, you will find one!
So the more accurate conclusion to draw, says Naogski, is that everyone is different. I know that’s not a very exciting answer, but it’s true, and it’s what Nagoski really pushes home when she talks about why some people enjoy g-spot stimulation and why some people don’t— because people vary.
So Does Everyone Have a G-Spot?
Well, yes and no. “Every person with a vagina has these anatomical structures [clitoris-urethra-vagina complex], so yes—everyone has a ‘g-spot’ but whether it is pleasurable to stimulate or not varies,” says Dr. Mintz.
It might be that the parts that make up the g-spot are arranged slightly differently in your body and as a result, stimulation here just doesn’t feel that great. There was actually a study published in 2008 that found the thickness of this area correlated with whether or not people orgasmed from stimulating it. The tissue was thinner in participants who did not orgasm from vaginal stimulation, and thicker in those who did.
So it can be really subtle variations like the thickness of this area, for example, that impact whether or not stimulating the g-spot area feels good for you.
What To Do if You Don’t Enjoy G-Spot Stimulation
If you are one of the many people who haven’t been orgasmic from reading g-spot guides or trying g-spot toys, I invite you to take a big exhale, because there is absolutely nothing wrong with you. (Seriously, read that again). The truth is that your body is slightly different— in the same way that everyone else’s body is— and it happens to be that your body varies in such a way that touching this area isn’t going to get you off.
If you were to compare it to your neck, for example, you would probably think it’s no big deal that you don’t like your neck touched, but your friend does. The difficult thing is that our culture puts a whole lot of pressure on us to be orgasmic from g-spot stimulation, so it’s easy to feel like you’re broken or something is wrong with you when you don’t enjoy g-spot play.
In fact, only a quarter, maybe a third, of people with vaginas orgasm from penetration alone, says Nagoski. So there are actually more people like you than there aren’t. It just so happens to be that the world has likely made you feel the exact opposite.
If you don’t enjoy g-spot stimulation, the good news is that there are so many other ways to enjoy sex and experience pleasure. You can externally stimulate the clitoris, with toys, hands, penises, vulvas, and mouths, or try penetration combined with clitoral stimulation. You can enjoy anal play or the many, many other sensitive places on your body, like your neck, lower back, stomach, inner thighs, or even behind your knees (yes, all these places really do tend to be more sensitive).
So if you’re holding on to any shame or feelings of inadequacy that g-spot guides and toys don’t seem to do the trick for you, feel free to leave that behind and enjoy all of the places that do feel good.