What Tinder Taught Me About Dating and Humanity, Ok Just Dating

Ok, everyone is abuzz about it, and I know I’m late to the party. But the other day, I said to my productivity, “Hey, workflow, let’s take an unexpected 2 hour break and check this sucker out.”

For anyone who doesn’t yet know what I’m talking about, ‘this sucker’ is Tinder: a ‘dating’ app that’s like if hotornot.com (remember that?!) had a lovechild with match.com. And Candy Crush might also be the father.

Basically it’s a location-based app that pulls info from your Facebook to create your profile, and then pulls up ‘matches’ that meet your age/sex/location criteria. All you see of these potential matches are a few photos, any mutual friends or interests (according to your FB profile) and one tagline. Then you ‘swipe right’ if you find them attractive, and left if you don’t (bonus: when you swipe left you get a satisfying stamp across their picture that says ‘NOPE.’) It’s slightly vain and shallow but it’s also addictive. From there, if you also fall into their criteria (age, sex, distance) and they find you attractive: you match. Then you can chat, swap numbers, meet up, get Catfished, etc.

Naturally, I had a lot of questions: What are people doing on here? Is anyone normal? Is it just a hookup app? Has anyone actually ended up with someone this way? Is it too superficial? Dangerous? WILL I BE THE FIRST TINDER MARRIAGE?

The danger aspect really got me. The fact that you can tell when someone is “less than a mile away” made me believe that I was one mis-swipe away from ending up in some guy named Xenon’s trunk never to be seen again all because he had a cheeky tagline and a photo of a puppy in his profile pic.

But, I’m dramatic.

What started out as an experiment got me thinking about what this app says about dating in general. Is Tinder simply a microcosm of what we do in real life (p.s. that’s what its creators profess)? File people away as attractive or unattractive, make split second decisions based on minimal facts, trust complete strangers? Do we really need to know tons of information about someone to know if they’re a good match?

Thus, I drafted a list of Tinder truths… many of which are true about dating in general. AKA What Tinder Taught Me About Life and Dating:

  • If you didn’t know you had a type: you do. Hence the quick-fire way you can absolutely HATE or love someone’s face.
  • There is no smooth way to start a conversation with a total stranger with whom the only thing you have in common is the belief that you both are not ugly.
  • It’s okay to dislike someone based solely off of the Facebook friend that you have in common.
  • There is always a wrong way to spell a name. Future parents take note: you thought Craig couldn’t be messed up? Think again: I just saw a Kreagg.
  • Guys have apparently not learned that it might be misleading or confusing to highlight pictures of them with their nieces or nephews.
  • A clever one liner goes a LONG way.
  • If the main photo is of two guys, the actual guy will ALWAYS be the less cute one.
  • You never get a second chance at a first impression.
  • Apparently 80% of men like to “work hard, play hard,” have many leather-bound books and apartments that smell of rich mahogany, and know approximately one phrase in Latin.
  • NEVER trust a man who can take a better selfie than you. Never.
  • Take this as an opportunity to delete profile pictures that you didn’t know you had of you and your ex. Nothing more confusing than a Tinder pic of a guy snuggled up to a girl. The same goes for “interests” you may not know you have selected on Facebook. I just saw a guy with whom the only thing we had in common was our shared interest in Buitoni Pasta. What?!
  • If someone is less than a mile away, put your phone down slowly–very slowly–and run for your life (okay this one is just me.)
  • Having attractive friends makes you seem more attractive.
  • Everyone loves traveling! And working out! And trying new things! And food!

Ok I wanna hear what dating apps have taught you about ‘real life’ dating. And also let’s hear your Tinder stories: matches? nightmares? Dish!




READ: The Buzz on the Bumble Dating App


READ: Reason Why I’m Single


READ: What I Learned from On-again Off-again Relationships


READ: I’ve Changed My Mind About Marriage