"After years of purposefully avoiding holiday rom-coms, ignoring romantic sleigh rides, and rolling my eyes at the mistletoe, I’m finally one of the lucky ones. I’m no longer enduring the holidays solo! As exciting as it has felt to be in a relationship during this season, it hasn’t come without its fair share of stress. For weeks, my relationship bliss was interrupted as I wondered if I should bring my partner home for the holidays. I have done so in the past with little success, so “You better not mess this up” has been playing on repeat in my head. After some deliberation and conversations with my family and partner, I have decided that yes, I am ready. So, if you are wondering when to bring a partner home for the holidays, I am sharing what is making me finally feel prepared to enjoy the holiday season with a partner.
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The logistics make sense
As the eldest daughter, planning is usually my specialty. However, as a child of divorce with relatives in two different states, holiday logistics are always difficult. Adding a partner into the mix adds another level of complications. There are even more people to see in even more places. Over the years, I’ve spent so much time in the car—hopping from family gathering to family gathering. Instead of acknowledging that the logistics weren’t worth it, I forced plans that left me feeling exhausted and ultimately frustrated.
This year, my partner and I had an honest conversation and vocalized that we wanted to prioritize time together this holiday season. Although our families were initially disappointed to hear we would not be visiting for as long as we would typically, they ultimately understood that being in a million places at once is not sustainable for us. Now, neither of us has to worry about cutting time short with certain family members. Since we are on the same page and are making decisions that work best for us individually and as a couple, I feel confident that spending the holidays with a partner will go smoothly for once.
My partner and I are aligned on expectations
My family loves to pack the season with nonstop holiday activities. This is so much fun for us, but I learned the hard way that this can be very overwhelming for someone who sees the holidays as a time to unwind. Everyone celebrates differently, and assuming my partner would be totally OK with a packed schedule, especially without warning, wasn’t realistic in the past.
This year, I vowed to do things differently. I prepped my partner about what to expect—everything from our typical schedule to warnings about whatever my aunt says after her third glass of wine. Thankfully, my partner is excited to share in our traditions! We also had a conversation about what traditions we could skip to create our own memories and prioritize our time together. As the holidays happen, we plan to continually check in with each other and adjust accordingly. Being aligned on expectations, open to each other’s traditions, and planning to check in regularly about how we’re feeling is making me more confident in our shared holiday season.
My family is supportive and excited
I’m usually a firm believer in trusting yourself and not letting anyone else’s opinion change your decision, but when it comes to my family and the holidays, I make an exception. It is important to me that everyone is supportive and enthusiastic leading up to gatherings and also (fingers crossed) well-behaved when the time comes. In having this conversation with my family, I explained how important both my partner and my family are to me. I also emphasized wanting everyone to be on the same page as far as expectations (like how long we will stay), boundaries (like not bringing up my exes), and holiday plans are concerned. Luckily, my family understands completely. They are actually excited for me to make this step, which makes me feel more confident and ready. If that wasn’t the case, or we had more family drama than usual, I might have decided to hold off bringing my partner around for the holidays.
“Being aligned on expectations, open to each other’s traditions, and planning to check in regularly about how we’re feeling is making me more confident in our shared holiday season.”
I am releasing control
Bringing someone home for the holidays is like giving them the ultimate relationship audition complete with nosy relatives, quirky traditions, and at least one over-sharer. In the past, I would have spent every gathering forcing connections between my family and a partner. I wanted everything to go well, but I didn’t trust that it would naturally. But after a handful of failed attempts, I came to terms with the fact that I can’t put so much pressure on these interactions. If my family and my partner are going to get along, they will, and if not, that’s not something I can orchestrate differently. I do my best to prepare both my family and my partner for the time together, take a step back, and hope it goes well. This has significantly reduced my stress and probably because of this, will likely yield better results.
I am prepared for the worst-case scenario
In a perfect world, your partner bonds with your family, you enjoy the holidays surrounded by the people you care about most, and hopefully, you leave with some leftovers. Obviously, that would be the dream. However, not everything always goes as planned, and I am prepared for that. I have to continually remind myself that while the thought of it going poorly is scary, it won’t make or break the right relationship. Over the years, I’ve had to come to terms with feeling like someone wasn’t the right fit, and I’ve dealt with a pesky little voice in the back of my head saying, “This is why you should have waited.” But if we weren’t meant to be, that’s OK!
It’s easy to put too much pressure on the holiday season, especially with a new partner. But the best gift you can give yourself this holiday season is to trust your gut and enjoy the traditions you love with those you choose to spend it with. I don’t know if anyone ever feels completely ready and prepared to bring a partner home to share the season with, but this year, I feel more confident than ever. My partner and I are looking forward to sharing traditions, and I am confident that the plans we have in store will be better together than apart.
Abby Peterson, Contributing Writer
Abby is a Chicago-based benefits consultant with a degree in marketing from Loyola University Chicago. She shares her communication expertise with businesses while also serving on the steering committee for Link USA. Her passion is finding creative ways to communicate in the corporate world and through writing with The Everygirl.