"There are few things in life that are as good as good sex, but very few things are worse than bad sex. All sexually-active people have likely had at least one bad sexual experience, and it’s generally the bad experiences that stick out over the good ones.
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Not anymore, ladies. Good sex (like curl-your-toes-think-about-it-for-days-want-to-tell-everyone-you-know-about-it good) can be better than the most decadent chocolate cake, better than your favorite Chanel red lipstick you only wear on special occasions, better than an entire greasy cheese pizza by yourself, better than your perfect pair of jeans. But good sex isn’t all about the person you’re with; there’s a lot you can do on your own to boost your sex life to exponential heights.
Don’t worry, single ladies. Any time we talk about doing something with a partner, you can tailor this to your situation. All of these can be done on your own, so no need to swipe on Tinder for hours a day to meet someone to help you have amazing sex. You have all the tools you need to have amazing sex all on your own.
Day 1: Take stock of your sex life
So, how exactly does your sex life look right now? Whether it looks bleak AF (relatable), gives off “could be better” vibes, or you’re already feeling pretty good (lucky lady!), there are always ways you can change up your routine and get even more excited about sex. Think about what your sex life looks like right now and compare it to what you want it to look like. Everyone can have their dream sex life; you just have to get a little creative.
Day 2: Take your time
Sex doesn’t have to be a race to the finish line. Today, take your time getting there. Whether it’s a little foreplay, taking some breaks, or just working up your stamina (yas queen), don’t worry about getting there right away. There’s a lot of pleasure to be had when you slow down. A weird analogy, but here I go: you know how people always recommend eating slowly to eat mindfully? Eat your food slowly and actually take in every bite to savor your favorite foods. Well, this mindful eating principle works with sex too. Go slowly and actually feel the sensations, listen to the sounds, talk to your partner—you get the gist without going too X-rated. You’ll start to appreciate sex more when you’re really taking it all in.
Day 3: Talk about sex openly
While many of us might feel like we can talk about sex with our partners, it’s not always the same when it comes to our close friends. It’s normal to feel weird telling your BFF every detail about what you and your partner did last weekend, but to an extent, we should be able to talk freely about concerns, issues, fantasies, and ideas about sex with our friends. Sex is just a normal part of life, and being able to talk to your loved ones about it, whether you’re giggling or getting serious, opens you up to new ideas and a stronger sense of your sexuality.
Day 4: Schedule sex
If you consistently read about sex on The Everygirl, you’ll know this is a topic we feel quite passionate about. There are so many benefits to scheduling sex, and it’s an easy way to have more sex, increase your sexual confidence, and try new things in the bedroom. To keep up with getting your sex life on the right track, schedule sex for sometime in the future. It could be next week (ambitious!), or you could even schedule it for after these two weeks are over to hold yourself accountable.
Day 5: Actually wear your lingerie
How often do you buy lingerie all to let it slide to the back of your drawer and see the light of day approximately two days a year (V-Day and birthdays)? You’re not alone, but instead of getting in that same routine, make a point to actually wear your lingerie. Wear your favorite bra and panty set under your outfit, or wear your bodysuit with a pair of jeans and a blazer for a dinner date. Wearing lingerie doesn’t have to be an awkward costume change while you’re starting to get hot ‘n heavy with your partner.
Obviously, if you don’t own any sexy lingerie, try to find something that you enjoy. We love SavageXFenty, ASOS, Nasty Gal, Free People, Forever21, Nordstrom, and Amazon (little did you know Amazon has some of the cutest lingerie in the game!).
Day 6: Order a new toy
A vibrator a day keeps the doctor away, and I stand by that. OK, well, the analogy doesn’t work exactly, but I stand by using sex toys for personal and partner use. They’re such an easy way to add a little spice to the bedroom, and it doesn’t have to be awkward or intimidating like it might seem. There are dozens of incredible vibrators out there to choose from, but here are some of our favorites.
If you’re not ready to get into vibrators and dildos just yet, no worries—there are dozens of sex toys out there that don’t move or look like a body part. This could be as simple as a pair of fuzzy handcuffs, a sex board game, blindfolds, or a Kama Sutra book.
Day 7: Invest in lube
Lube is one of the most underrated and under-appreciated sex toys to have in your arsenal. For some people, lube is necessary to make sex comfortable and pleasurable, but it’s a tool that can help everyone experience more friction and less discomfort. And we all know what that means: more orgasms and better sex for everyone. Whether you go for a water-based or oil-based lube is up to you, but don’t opt for anything silicone-based if you plan to use it with silicone toys.
Day 8: Try a new position
While this might seem like an obvious way to get your sex life on a new track, it can be overlooked even though it’s extremely effective. We get used to the basics—missionary, cowgirl, doggy style, you name it—and often forget that our bodies can contort fairly easily to try new moves that we only dreamt of watching in porn rather than trying out ourselves. Trying new positions isn’t weird, and it’s a totally normal way to get creative with sex. New positions can bring about new sensations and new ideas of what is sexy and comfortable for you.
In the same vein as positions, location is a big factor. Always having sex in bed? It makes sense that missionary is a go-to because that plays out easily on a bed. However, if you tried to have sex in the kitchen, missionary isn’t as likely of a fit. Getting out of your comfort zone when it comes to location is a simple way to trick yourself in trying new positions. Who knows, maybe you’ll find your next go-to.
Day 9: Just do foreplay
Today, don’t worry about the main event. Instead, set your focus to building anticipation and getting in the groove with your partner. Foreplay doesn’t have to be oral sex or what they show you in porn; there’s a whole other side of foreplay people forget about. Whatever you do to get in the mood before sex can be considered foreplay, so if that’s listening to music, going to dinner in your hottest outfits, or lighting some candles, put your energy toward getting excited versus having sex. It’ll make you appreciate foreplay so much more—and get you excited to actually have sex next time.
Day 10: Clean your sex toys
We love sex toys; we already told you to buy one a few days ago! However, if you really want your toys to perform, you have to remember to properly clean them. You should be cleaning your toys right after use, but they all deserve a deep clean every month or so. Spend today cleaning your toys. It might even convince you to use them!
Day 11: Play a sex game
Let go of the idea that sex is meant to be a spontaneous, just-before-bed moment between you and your partner. Sex can be a whole aspect of your night routine rather than just a line item at the end of the night. As soon as you get home from work or right after you eat dinner, just focus on you (and your partner if you have one). Light the candles right away, run a bath, put on your lingerie, and play a game with your partner. Classic strip poker (take off an item of clothing every time you’re wrong—I love playing this with a friendly game of Uno!) is always a good one, but we also love truth or dare, touching each other and setting a timer for 10, 20, or more minutes before you can get down to business, or making something up that works for you. Again, get creative here and see what you come with.
Day 12: Try to have multiple orgasms
If you’ve never experienced multiple orgasms, oh honey, you are in for a treat tonight. Multiple orgasms aren’t a myth, and it’s actually not that hard to achieve if you know what you’re doing. Some women claim it’s easier to reach multiple orgasms on their own because they can set their own pace, so feel free to leave your partner out of it tonight. Then, you can tell them what you liked about it, what got you there, and what they can do to help you reach it together next time. Tomorrow, perhaps?!
Day 13: Talk about your fantasies (and maybe try one)
Having fantasies is completely normal, and talking about them with your partner is essential if you want to have the sex life you dream of. Fantasies don’t have to be all about having threesomes or getting whipped (although those are totally normal fantasies to have); they can be about positions, locations, role-playing, and sexual situations that interest you. The first step to setting a fantasy in motion is to talk about it. See if your partner is interested to and see what fantasies they have.
Once you’ve discussed your fantasies, next is the part where you talk about setting them in motion. If you have a group sex fantasy, make an account on Feeld (you don’t have to use your real name or photos with your face in it if you want privacy!) to get started with meeting new people. If you want to have sex on the beach, talk about vacation spots and where and when this could happen. It’s about being open and talking about what you’re interested in. I can almost guarantee that talking about your fantasies will get you in the mood.
Day 14: Just have sex, and don’t think about it
You were probably expecting something wild and crazy for day 14, but rather, it’s the opposite. Throughout these 14 days, I hope you’ve learned to be both spontaneous and methodical; open-minded and conscious; safe and strategic. Sex is more than laying in bed and going through the motions, and in the last 14 days, we’ve shown you how to strike a balance between a thriving, exciting sex life and just having fun. So, instead of something crazy today, just have sex and don’t put too much thought into it. The last two weeks should have prepared you to have fun with your sex life without having to force it.
Go forth and set the bed on fire, ladies.