By now, I’m the vibrator girl. I’ll tell everyone I know, whether they’re single or not, that they need a vibe in their lives. I believe in the power of a great sex toy just as much as I believe that the dress was white and gold.
On the other hand, I know many, many people who are terrified, creeped out, uncomfortable, and overall confused by sex toys. I understand; it’s a whole new world (sing it with me!). For a long time, you could only buy them in stores (which is interesting to say the least) or from a retailer that you’d wince at the thought of your mailman ever seeing. Also, what the heck are we supposed to buy?! If you aren’t talking about it with your friends, who are you supposed to ask for guidance?
I figured since we are friends now (our relationship is blossoming!), I’d give you the 411 on all things sex toys. If you’re afraid or uncomfortable, this is your guide to the best sex toys for you.
Why You Don’t Need to Be Afraid
First of all, we need to talk about why sex toys aren’t scary in the slightest simply to prep your eyes for all the toys about to pop up on your screens. Our society is only recently accepting that women masturbate, let alone that we occasionally like to outsource the work. Masturbation is a healthy way to express your sexuality, and it’s OK to be interested in products that basically do it all for you. There is nothing weird or awkward about wanting something for your own sexual pleasure.
The same goes for sex toys with partners. I’ve heard countless times that people (especially women) are afraid that if they bring sex toys into the equation, they’ll get used to that sensation and won’t find pleasure with just their partner. Unless you’re engaging in some extremely intense, earth-shattering toy sex (go you!), this is unlikely to happen. Using toys with a partner is more about boosting what you already have rather than making up for things you don’t.
Now that we have that all out of the way, it’s time to talk toys. The rest of this post is definitely NSFW, by the way. You’ve been warned!
What to Buy
Before we get into the good stuff, we have to get ourselves prepared — literally! A personal lubricant can make all the difference when it comes to using sex toys (or masturbation or partner play without!). Not only does this help things go a little smoother, it can prevent tearing or fissures in the vagina, which can lead to bleeding and discomfort after sex. If there’s anything you should be adding to your sex box, it’s this.
If you’re a sex toy beginner, this is my usual go-to. These are amazing for any single ladies out there, but they’re not bulky or weird to bring into the bedroom with a partner either. These options are all small, discrete, and aren’t too powerful for a first-timer.
These balls have a lot of names (ben-wa balls, kegel balls, love balls — the list goes on), but they all have one main purpose: strengthen the pelvic floor muscles. Once inserted, these help you locate those muscles and strengthen them to enjoy better, longer, and stronger orgasms and increase sexual sensitivity.
They’re fun to use on your own, but you can definitely enjoy them with a partner as well. (Christian and Ana use them in Fifty Shades Darker, so obviously, they’re amazing.) They’re great to insert an hour or so before you know you’ll have sex to increase your sensitivity and arousal.
Whips and chains excite me! (I just wanted to feel like Rihanna for a sec, and now I’ve made it weird.) Whips can go Christian Grey real quick, but as long as you and your partner discuss it beforehand, it can be a really interesting and fun addition to the bedroom. Talk about how you want to use it and the level of pain involved. If you dislike how something feels, it’s OK to stop! It doesn’t have to be about BDSM either. Feather whips are more about the sensation rather than pain. Use it with a blindfold, and you are ready to go.
These are one of the easiest (and sexiest, if I do say so myself) ways to add a toy in your relationship. Many people think they don’t need sex toys because they already have a partner; however, there are so many options and ways to add toys into sex with someone else! These vibrators come with both the vibrator and a remote that controls the speed. This means that while the vibrator is being used on someone, another person can have control of the remote.
These are not scary in any way, and they’re so small, you could hide them in your makeup bag and no one would suspect a thing. You and your partner can play around with who has the vibe and who has the remote!
I’m not talking about the memory foam gem you rest your head on every night. A sex pillow is similar to a yoga block if you’ve ever taken a yoga class — it holds your body up so you can reach and do positions you wouldn’t normally do. This can be stored away easily and is somewhat discrete as well. These are an amazing addition for partners that is not intimidating in any way. They’re also strangely comfortable, and you might just want to sleep with them every night. (Try it, you’ll be amazed.)
A lot of women are afraid of sex toys because they’re a little uncomfortable with inserting something, and I totally get that. It’s a little awkward, even the most seasoned sex toy experts could agree. That’s where the magic of a suction vibe comes into play. There’s absolutely no insertion with this type of toy! Simply hold the suction on the clitoris. It will do absolutely everything for you!