"As you get older, dating gets progressively more complicated. There is more to consider—like how someone will fit into the plans you have for yourself and your future and if you’ll be compatible long term. Add in the fact that there is a lot of uncertainty about what the future looks like in general (looking at you, job security, housing, and climate change), and the result is more singles being careful about who and how they date.
This is your sign—it's time for an upgrade (with a flip straw).
According to Bumble’s 2025 dating trend report, 95 percent of singles admit that worries about the future are impacting their dating life. And in response to this, 59 percent of women across the globe are prioritizing emotional stability in potential partners over anything else, says Bumble’s Sex and Relationships Expert Shan Boodram. But how do you know right away who will be dependable and steady so you don’t waste your time? Enter: Future-proofing, one of the top dating trends for the year.
We tapped Boodram to fill us in on all things future-proofing, so that if you’re one of many singles trying to uncomplicate the future of your dating life this year, you’re armed with how to do so. Ahead, everything you need to know about future-proofing, including what it is, why you should do it, and how singles are future-proofing potential partners.
Shan Boodram, MA
Shan Boodram is Bumble’s Sex & Relationships Expert, the host of The Marriage Pact on The Roku Channel, the host of the top podcast “Lovers and Friends,” the workshop facilitator on Netflix’s Too Hot to Handle, and the author of the best-selling book The Game of Desire. She was previously the sex expert on Peacock’s Ex-Rated with Andy Cohen and the host of Make Up or Break Up on Facebook Watch. She is a certified sex educator with the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists (AASECT), a certified sexologist with the American board of Sexology and a member of the American Sexual Health Association. Shan lives in Los Angeles with her husband Jared Brady and daughters Ryu and Xya.
What is future-proofing?
Future-proofing is a strategy that involves asking questions or guiding the conversation in a direction that helps you understand if your relationship will be steady long-term. Think: whether they want kids or where they see themselves living in five years. According to Boodram, this helps you prioritize stability from the start. Reliability, emotional consistency, and financial security are all clear signs of stability.
Similarly, Boodram says that stable partners also present clear pictures of themselves; they can easily demonstrate where they are now versus where they’d like to be and how they plan to get there. Not only does this show how prepared they are for life’s uncertainties, but also where their goals and priorities lie. This, in turn, shows if your goals and priorities are aligned, which helps determine if you’re compatible long-term. Of course, no one has it all figured out, and life will always throw curveballs, but you want to find someone who you feel confident will navigate life with you.
Why should you future-proof?
They say the heart wants what it wants, but Boodram says diving into a relationship heart first can backfire. It’s hard to make sound decisions when you’re thinking with your emotions. You naturally put on rose-colored glasses and overlook obvious warning signs and beige or red flags like ambiguity or inconsistency. As a result, your time and effort are put into someone who isn’t right for you.
The beauty of future-proofing is that it lays all the cards on the table from the start. You immediately learn someone’s goals and values because you’re focused on finding a stable partner. This prevents you from wasting each other’s time since you’re not making decisions based on emotions alone. Plus, it allows you to quickly determine your level of compatibility. Boodram explained that research into value and goal alignment between partners increases their chances of staying together long-term. This, in addition to stability, is key for a lasting connection.
How to future-proof
Being transparent with a new match right from the jump might, admittedly, seem a bit overwhelming. But the good news is that it doesn’t have to be. Use these foolproof tips on how to future-proof in your dating life so you can find your perfect person:
“There are many things we can’t control in life, but we are responsible for choosing who we want to navigate the highs and lows with.”
Future-proof yourself first
Before you start future-proofing your dates, Boodram says you must future-proof yourself first. She explained that, ultimately, it comes down to answering the question: How am I preparing myself for my desired future? The more ways you can answer that question, the better off you’ll be. Think about your goals, values, and vision for the future. “Do you have a clear vision for your future, and how does that show up in your life and habits today?” Boodram asked. Understanding your goals and what you’re doing to bring them to fruition is crucial.
Boodram explained this will make it easier to future-proof dates “in the specific ways that are meaningful to you.” For example, if you want to become a suburban homeowner, you’re likely building your savings to make that goal a reality. Therefore, you need a partner who doesn’t want to live in a city, wants to buy a house someday, and is, or plans to be, saving for one. Similarly, if you eventually have both of your names on the mortgage, you need to know they also prioritize their finances and are smart with their money. The last thing you want is to get into a situation where you are financially compromised.
Of course, this is just one example, but it goes to show how important it is that you know what you want first before starting a future with someone else who may not be aligned.
Use date locations to your advantage
Boodram also recommends using date locations strategically, as your surroundings can help show potential matches who you are. For example, if you want to have kids, try going somewhere both children and adults hang out, like a museum or park. While you’re there, find a natural starting point—like commotion from a group of kids or a family you pass by—to delicately mention your desire to be a parent. Something along the lines of, “Kids are so funny. I can’t wait to be a parent” would work. This should prompt your date to share their thoughts on kids, and you can use their reaction and response to gauge whether they want to become a parent one day as well.
Obviously, this is just one example, and there are tons of ways you can do this. Overall, this allows you to discuss important topics and deal-breakers swiftly and subtly. Regardless of how you do it, using date locations to communicate who you are will make it easier for them to get to know you in a shorter amount of time.
“Establishing open and honest communication now will build a solid foundation that’ll hold you up now and in the future.”
Look for consistency, thoughtfulness, and stability in your interactions
Future-proofing isn’t about making a hard and fast decision about someone on your first date. Instead, it’s “about gradually getting to know someone, but looking for consistency, thoughtfulness, and stability as throughlines in all your interactions,” Boodram explained. By keeping these things top of mind, you’ll get a clearer picture of who they are in a shorter amount of time. Likewise, it’ll also give you an idea of how they’ll likely function in a relationship.
Although everyone’s on their best behavior in the beginning, there are still innate personality traits that’ll come through. For example, someone who repeatedly reaches out and makes plans with you but constantly has to reschedule isn’t a good sign. They’re continually making an effort but lack follow-through, which might be a sign they’ll be flaky in a relationship.
Ask the right questions
When it comes to asking the right questions, subtlety is key. “The last thing you want to do is make a date seem like a job interview,” Boodram explained. Instead, get creative with ways to ask questions about their core values, life goals, finances, family planning, and so forth. Also, make sure that you expand upon their answers more with follow-up questions; this will help keep the conversation flowing nicely and naturally. Here are some great questions to ask and how they can help you learn more about someone you’re dating:
- Do you have any siblings? Use their answer to gain insight into how they feel about family and children.
- Would you ever move out of the city? Use their answer to learn about where they see themselves in a few years or where they envision themself living long-term.
- Have you always wanted the job you have now? Use this answer to find out their long-term career aspirations and how they plan to reach them.
- What do you spend most of your time doing? Their answer will help you gain insight into their hobbies, work-life balance, and priorities in life.
Be open and honest with them
Alternatively, it’s also important that you’re fully transparent about your goals, values, and future plans. As scary as opening it up can be, it’ll ultimately take a weight off your shoulders. Plus, it’ll prevent both of you from second-guessing what the other wants and what you’re doing spending time with each other. Likewise, establishing open and honest communication now will build a solid foundation that’ll hold you up now and in the future.
While it’s impossible to know exactly what the future holds, future-proofing potential partners will ultimately make it easier to find the best match for you. At the end of the day, there are many things we can’t control in life, but we are responsible for choosing who we want to navigate the highs and lows with.
Arianna Reardon, Contributing Writer
Arianna is a Rhode Island native, professional blogger, and freelance writer. She’s passionate about helping women develop healthy relationships with money, become financially independent, and invest in themselves for the future. Arianna is a firm believer in going after what you want, taking time to stop and smell the roses, and the importance of a good cocktail.