"Call me crazy, but I welcome the chaos of the holiday season. Most people dread the hustle and bustle at grocery stores and shopping malls, the rush that is wrapping gifts moments before you have to leave for a White Elephant party, and the busy days at work to meet year-end goals. Not me though. I am unbothered, I have a smile on my face, and yes, I do have holiday jazz playing in the background.
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But don’t worry, I’m not totally psychotic. I’ll admit that doing all of the things makes me a little, well, on edge sometimes. (You can love something and be exhausted by it too, OK?!) There are nights when I come home, plop on the couch, and do nothing else, which would be fine if I were a single gal with nothing but my shows awaiting me. But I am, in fact, a married lady, and “Honey, I’m home!” doesn’t exactly roll off the tongue when I’m tired. Usually, it’s more like “Can you please stop leaving your shoes everywhere?” as I stumble over them on my way in the door.
Connection is hard in busy seasons. We get so caught up in our own social calendars, work events, and responsibilities that we look past what the other person might be doing that’s helpful or just straight-up thoughtful. Knowing that I have a bad habit of tallying up all the annoying things my partner does instead of the nice things (my most toxic yet relatable trait), I am leaning into one simple method: See It Say It. Here’s how it works and how I’m implementing it to make sure that my partner knows I am not actually that annoyed with him and that I do appreciate him, even when life is straight chaos.
What is the See It Say It method?
Just as it sounds, the See It Say It method encourages you to acknowledge or thank your partner when they do something you appreciate. It doesn’t sound like a groundbreaking concept, but when we are distracted with other things, we don’t often stop to say, “Thank you so much for unloading the dishwasher… I was in such a rush, I was relieved it was already finished.” We notice, say “Phew!” and move on to whatever awaits us next. The problem with this is? Oftentimes, what’s next is something that drives us nuts.
Amanda Bouldin, influencer and podcast host, posted a TikTok about a time she exercised this method with her husband. She said, “You can get so caught up in what someone’s not doing, you forget to compliment them when they’re doing something.” This hit me hard. I’ve nagged my husband countless times for leaving sandwich crumbs on the counter when, in reality, that doesn’t matter as much to me as when he folds my laundry during a jam-packed week. The See It Say It method reminds you to acknowledge what you appreciate more often.
How does the See It Say It method work?
In sharing about the See It Say It method, Bouldin explained that she and her husband started using it when their communication was breaking down—a common occurrence in relationships, especially in busy seasons. She explained that “expectations and roles can get jaded, and you can get very focused on what you’re doing and what your job is.” In Bouldin’s case, this caused a lot of quiet resentment and scorekeeping.
If you ever have thoughts like, “Well, the least they could do is XYZ when I’m doing XYZ,” you’ve experienced this, too. I’ll be honest, I’m quicker to complain and compare than I am to compliment when I’m tired or overwhelmed. However, “As a partner, it feels great to be encouraged,” Bouldin added. Whether what you are doing is “bare minimum or not,” when your partner expresses gratitude or compliments you, it’s motivating. It makes you want to continue to do those things.
Now don’t get it twisted; I am still going to ask my partner to straighten up his shoes the next time I trip on them, but the See It Say It method helps to ensure that I am commenting on the helpful or thoughtful things he does, too. Because if I never did that and only argued about things he wasn’t doing all the time, neither of us would be very happy. Our scoreboard would start ramping up, just like Bouldin shared. Thanking, complimenting, and acknowledging one another makes us feel appreciated, and you need that in a partnership. Especially at the end of the day, you want a partner who sees you for all you’re doing and builds you up.
How to implement the See It Say It method
In a perfect world, you would “see something and say something” as things are happening or directly after, but that’s not always possible. Sometimes, your schedules don’t align and you hardly cross paths, or you’re so busy that you hardly notice your partner did something nice or helpful until days later. When that’s the case, these are my favorite ways to show gratitude and exercise this method.
Leave a note
Call me old school, but one of the sweetest things you can do for your partner is leave them a nice note. It doesn’t have to be anything long; a short and sweet message does the trick to let them know you see them. For example, if your partner has been working on a big presentation, slide a note in their bag that says, “You’ve been kicking ass! Good luck today!” Or if you got home late after an event and noticed they tidied the kitchen before bed, leave a note that says, “Thank you for cleaning the kitchen! It made my night!” for them to find in the morning before work. I realize that sending a text would be easier, but there is something about taking an extra second to handwrite a note that feels more personal and thoughtful.
Debrief before bed
It’s not realistic to say or notice every single time someone does something. This is especially true during the holidays when you’re hardly home or only see each other briefly. But at the end of the day, when you both have a second to breathe, debrief your day in bed. Use it as an opportunity to encourage each other. Saying things like, “Hey, thanks for getting more dog food today” or “I really appreciate that you stayed up later to help me wrap gifts” might seem small and “bare minimum” sometimes, but they add up and ensure you go to bed on a positive note.
Call them while you’re driving
In Bouldin’s video, she explains a time when she called her husband to thank him for all the things he was doing—even though she was in a rush and literally just saw him a few minutes prior. I don’t know about you, but when I’m driving, I’m either on the phone with my mom to talk about nothing or I am listening to a podcast. I have the time to spare to call my husband, check-in, and let him know I appreciate that he did, in fact, wipe down the counter after making a sandwich.
Bouldin’s husband responded to her words of gratitude by saying, “Thank you for the compliments, Amanda, but I’m just trying to be a good partner,” and that, my friends, is what this is all about—being there for your partner, encouraging them, and helping them when they need it most.
Hailey Bouche, Associate Editor
As an Associate Editor for The Everygirl, Hailey Bouche oversees, writes, and edits content across various categories on the site. From the pitching stage through publishing, she works alongside the team to ensure that the content that our readers see every day is inspiring, relatable, and timely.