"As a society, we’ve rejected the tired narrative that Valentine’s Day offers only two options: a mushy, gushy holiday full of chocolates and roses if you’re in a relationship or an evening spent rotting on the couch bingeing reality TV and eating a pint of Ben & Jerry’s if you’re single. These days, Valentine’s Day can be a celebration of any love in your life, whether that be romantic, platonic, or even self-love.
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But when you’re in a relationship without a label, navigating the holiday can feel tricky, to say the least. Should you make romantic dinner reservations? Ignore the holiday altogether? Find a Valentine’s Day gift that says, “I care about you, but only as much as you care about me—no more, no less”? These questions haunt you when February 14 rolls around, and you’re not quite dating, but definitely not just friends. If you’re trying to figure out how to navigate Valentine’s Day with a situationship, here’s how.
Get clear about what you want
Your first to-do is to get really clear on what you want for Valentine’s Day, regardless of the other person. To do this, ask yourself what your ideal day would look like. Do you picture yourself spending it with them? Would you feel hurt if they acted like it was just another day? Are you secretly hoping this day will push things toward commitment, or are you happy keeping things casual, regardless of your plans? Maybe you decide that you actually don’t care to spend it with them and would rather be with the girls (this could be true even if you really like them!). Or, maybe you decide that you’d be a little disappointed if they didn’t bring you a box of wine at the very least. Understanding what you truly want will help you navigate the holiday.
Have a casual conversation about it
Talking about Valentine’s Day with your situationship sounds like torture, I know. And sure, it might feel a little weird (especially if you don’t usually exchange texts before 9 p.m.), but it doesn’t have to be serious. If you’d like to spend it with them, you can bring it up by saying “Should we do something on the 14th?” or suggest an activity, like splitting a bottle of wine at home. Then, gauge their response to see if they are interested. They might change the subject or they might offer to bring over dinner—you won’t know if you’re on the same page until you ask. If, on the flip side, you are looking to keep your situationship firmly “situation” only, naturally mention you have Galentine’s plans with your girlfriends. This conversation will save you both from any awkward assumptions or unfortunate disappointments on the day (or weekend) of.
If the thought of even bringing it Valentine’s Day up feels far too nerve-wracking, it might be worth taking a step back to think about what you want in a relationship. I’m not saying that an awkward conversation is grounds for ending things, but it could be time to reevaluate what your dynamic even is, or better yet, have the “what are we?” conversation so you can move forward with clarity.
“Let go of any preconceived notions about what the day should look like, so you can focus on what you truly want out of it.”
Decide how you’ll spend it
Situationship or not, there’s no guidebook on celebrating Valentine’s Day, so let go of any preconceived notions about what the day should look like. If you want to get dressed up for Valentine’s Day and go to a fancy dinner, even without a label, go for it. If you want to keep things light, there are plenty of ways to celebrate without crossing into too romantic territory, like seeing a movie or meeting for a drink. Don’t worry about making sure your plans perfectly reflect the seriousness of your relationship. At the end of the day, Valentine’s Day isn’t that serious, so make plans that reflect what you actually want and make backup plans (think: drinks with the girls or a bubble bath with your vibrator) to revive the night if your situationship bails—because, well, we all know how hot and cold they can be sometimes.
Don’t stress out over getting a gift
One of the biggest question marks in a situationship on Valentine’s Day is, “Do I get them a gift?” Personally, I subscribe to Eli Rallo’s theory: No label, no gift. But to each their own! If you want to get them something, keep it small and thoughtful. A coffee or pastry from their favorite spot is a great option, or you can’t go wrong with a bottle of wine. Gift-giving shouldn’t be a source of anxiety, so don’t let it overwhelm you. With this being said, manage your expectations on the receiving end. If they get you a little something, great. But if not, you have no place to put that grocery store teddy bear anyway.
Don’t compare your relationship to others
The golden rule for Valentine’s Day is not to compare your relationship to others. Remember, every relationship (especially of the situationship variety) is different. Valentine’s Day inevitably brings a flood of social media posts with heartfelt captions and casual gift flexes, but we all know by now that an Instagram story isn’t an accurate representation of a relationship. So, don’t compare what you have against photos that only tell part of the story. If you find yourself caught up in your friends or anyone else’s plans or start to feel envious, take a step back and remember what you truly wanted out of the holiday in the first place. From there, you can enjoy your day the way you intended it—with them or without them.
Lauren Blue, Assistant Editor
As an Assistant Editor for The Everygirl, Lauren ideates and writes content for every facet of our readers’ lives. Her articles span the topics of must-read books, movies, home tours, travel itineraries—and everything in between. When she isn’t testing the latest TikTok trend, she can be found scouring Goodreads for new releases to feature on the site.