"You know those corny 1970s-style rooms with the massive mirror on the ceiling above the bed? That wasn’t just an interior style fad. It was a strategic design choice by sex motels—yes, sex motels—to heighten the pleasure of its guests while they were engaged in the horizontal tango. Mirror sex has been a thing for decades, and though the ceiling mirrors were a bit much, there’s a lot of merit to mirror sex leading to a more satisfying sex life in general.
From solo play to partnered intimacy, having sex in front of a mirror has several benefits, including increased body confidence and sexual liberation. The act of seeing yourself in such a state—like a live sex tape—registers in the brain as voyeurism (AKA watching other people engage in sex). This visual stimulation turns you on even more, which makes the sex even hotter, whether you’re masturbating or getting intimate with a partner.
How do I know this? Well, I tried it with my husband, and it’s not only improved our sex life but our relationship as a whole. From how you use the mirror to how you can make it more enjoyable, I’m here to share everything you need to know about mirror sex.
What are the benefits of mirror sex?
It can increase your self-confidence
While the idea of looking at your reflection during sex can feel daunting, there are huge personal and romantic benefits, like feeling more confident in your body and your sexual desires. You become so focused on the increased arousal and excitement from viewing your reflection that you eventually forget to be self-conscious—and it’s freeing. You’re so in the moment that you no longer feel insecure about what your body looks like in certain positions or what your partner will think if you show expressions of pleasure while watching yourself. Mirror sex is a bit of an out-of-body experience—you become able to step outside of yourself while viewing this live show of sorts, and it makes you more comfortable with seeing your body, appreciating what it’s capable of, and asking your partner to do things that make you feel good.
It can make you feel sexually liberated
In addition to feeling a boost in self-confidence, mirror sex makes you feel incredibly empowered. Our culture cultivates us to feel guilt and shame about sexuality, but if you’re in a safe space with yourself or someone you trust, there’s no shame in anything you consent to. Mirror sex, especially solo mirror sex, can help form a better understanding of how your vagina works and what you like, which makes you more comfortable expressing your desires to a partner and even showing them how to do certain things that you enjoy. Being confident in your body and knowing what makes you feel good doesn’t make you narcissistic or promiscuous! You should feel liberated and comfortable with your sexuality because everyone deserves to have a healthy and fulfilling sex life, and mirror sex is a great tool for discovering that liberation and empowerment.
It can deepen intimacy
Having mirror sex with yourself, of course, boosts self-confidence and sexual liberation, but it’s also incredible for turning up the intimacy between yourself and a partner. Seeing your partner’s facial expressions, making eye contact, admiring their body moving over yours, and watching them touch you in certain ways, all through the mirror’s reflection, makes you see how attracted your partner is to you—and vice versa for them. This clear connection and laser-focused desire will help both of you become more comfortable experimenting and asking to try new things. And mirror sex doesn’t just lead to better communication in the bedroom—you’ll feel increased intimacy and connection in all areas of your life.
What happened when I tried mirror sex
Thanks to the work we’ve put into open communication and judgment-free sharing, my husband and I have a pretty healthy, adventurous, and playful sex life. We actually have an extra-wide floor-length mirror in our bedroom facing one side of our bed, but it was purely an innocent decor decision when we bought it. While we had never intentionally had mirror sex, having sex in front of a mirror was something we did all the time without really thinking about it. So when I broached the subject of consciously having mirror sex, my husband simply shot me a devious look and let me know he was all for it.
“You become so focused on the increased arousal and excitement from viewing your reflection that you eventually forget to be self-conscious—and it’s freeing.”
We chatted about how we wanted to go about the experience and speculated on positions we could try—we love a good sex strategy meeting—and then went about setting the scene. We don’t always go all out during sex as far as the ambiance goes, but since trying mirror sex felt like a sort of event, just a ~ fun little activity ~ for couples, we went all in. Candles? Lit. Music? On. Playlist? Set. Lights? Dimmed. Curtains? Drawn. Mirror? In position. The whole nine. And honestly, that was part of the fun. It was literally foreplay of the cutest, most intimate variety.
Mood set and supplies in reach—lube and a towel, let’s be real—we jumped in and started trying different positions, seeing what worked and how to angle ourselves to better the view. We tried quite a few positions, among them doggy, cowgirl and reverse cowgirl, leapfrog, and tabletop (who in the world decided these names?). In addition to several penetrative positions, my husband may have also treated me to oral in a position that allowed me to both look at his face and see his backside kneeling between my legs, which was more of a turn-on than I expected it to be after getting over the brazenness of it all.
Overall, mirror sex made me feel very vulnerable but also very free. It’s a little nerve-wracking and uncomfortable at first to see yourself having sex, but once you relax into having sex rather than focusing on watching yourself engage in sex, it becomes easier to catch glimpses of what you’re doing and feel absorbed in the sight. As soon as you let go enough, it’s like watching your own personal, live porn—but you and your partner are the ones having sex, and you’re not only feeling the sensations but also getting an almost out-of-body view thanks to the mirror’s reflection. I found that having that out-of-body experience and seeing my partner’s expressions encouraging me to let go and live in the moment helped me feel in charge of and confident in what I wanted rather than embarrassed or demure about my sexual desires.
Should you try mirror sex?
Yes, you should try mirror sex! Because here’s the thing: While it undoubtedly has made my sex life hotter, it’s also improved my relationship as a whole. Being able to try new things, being vulnerable and open to experimenting to give each other more pleasure, being able to communicate without feeling guilt or shame or embarrassment, and knowing we can connect on that level makes not just the physical but also the emotional part of our relationship so much stronger. As someone who has been married for nearly 10 years (this is absolute insanity to me, how dare time pass in such a manner) and has had to put serious work into my sex life and my getting comfortable with own sexuality, mirror sex—and an openness to trying new and different things in general—has made me feel more empowered in the bedroom and with my own body.
And for my single ladies, don’t think I forgot about you! You don’t need a partner to have mirror sex. Set yourself up in front of a mirror or grab a handheld mirror and watch yourself as you masturbate. Get accustomed to what your vagina, body, and face look like while you’re experiencing pleasure, and when you’re ready to have partnered sex, you can channel the confidence and power you’ve harnessed for more satisfying and comfortable sex with another person.
How to have a positive mirror sex experience
Spend time setting up
If you’re feeling especially nervous about trying mirror sex, spend some time making it a moment. Turn on music, light some candles, dim the lights, and grab any sex toys or accessories you want to use, plus a towel or two. It doesn’t have to be pre-planned or set up by you in advance—sometimes setting the scene with your partner is part of the foreplay and intimacy.
“Mirror sex—and an openness to trying new and different things in general—has made me feel more empowered in the bedroom and with my own body.”
Grab a handheld mirror that will be easy to hold, a standing mirror like a tabletop vanity mirror, or a full-sized mirror hanging in your room. Move your mirror of choice to a position that will be comfortable for you and your partner to see, and test the positions you might want to do to ensure you have a good view. Treat the entire process as foreplay—you’ll build up a lot of tension while “trying things out” simply from the suggestive movements and any friction from your clothing. Who says we can’t dry hump past our teenage years?
Avoid fixating on what porn looks like
For a lot of people, the “scary” thing about mirror sex is having to see yourself and your body in action. While it is something to get used to, try to ease your anxiety and self-consciousness by reminding yourself of a few things. First, your partner has already seen you in these, shall we say, compromised positions, and they love you and your body. There are no feelings of judgment with your partner. And if you’re flying solo, there’s even less judgment because it’s just you, girlie. Nothing to be afraid or ashamed of in your own private space.
Second, what we see in porn is not reflective of real, authentic sex, or even real, authentic bodies. We have body hair, we sweat, sometimes funny noises happen, and sometimes we fumble before finding the rhythm. Don’t worry about what you look like based on what you’ve seen on the internet and in pop culture. Real life is just that—real—and mirror sex will help you forge a real connection with yourself and the people you’re intimate with.
Try different positions to find what you like
Depending on your setup and the size of your mirror, you’ll have to experiment to determine which positions are easiest to see and which positions you like to watch most. And girls, don’t forget: There are other tantalizing positions aside from penetrative ones, like your partner getting down on their knees for you, or you for them. Doggy is easy because you can both face the mirror with an unobstructed view and make eye contact—very hot, trust. Reverse cowgirl is great for your viewing pleasure, and if you can find an angle that gives a decent penetrative view, tabletop can also be quite spicy. Don’t be afraid to try different sex positions and ditch the ones that don’t work!
Don’t watch yourself the whole time
Just because you’re having sex in front of a mirror doesn’t mean your eyes have to be glued to the reflection at all times. Part of the exhibitionist vibe of mirror sex is that you’re catching glimpses, and in those glimpses, the sensual shock and delight fuel the sexual passion. Be present in the moment of what you’re doing, either solo or with a partner, and use the mirror as a tool to heighten that reverence even more.
Start solo if mirror sex feels daunting
If you feel particularly self-conscious, start with solo mirror sex. Use a hand-held mirror or position yourself in front of a large mirror while you masturbate, and become familiar with what your body looks like and the way you look while experiencing pleasure. Becoming comfortable with yourself will increase your confidence in being vulnerable this way with a partner, and it’s OK if it’s a process that takes time! Sexual liberation and empowerment is a journey for many, and there’s no shame in meeting yourself where you are, as long as you keep an open mind.
Alyssa Davis, Contributing Writer
Alyssa Davis is a freelance writer specializing in home, lifestyle, beauty, and entertainment content. She studied English at Indiana University and has since produced articles for publications including SheKnows, Architectural Digest, and Well+Good, to name a few.