7 Make-or-Break Conversations I Had With My Partner After Watching ‘Love is Blind’

love is blind"
love is blind
Source: Netflix
Source: Netflix

Every year, Love Is Blind takes over the cultural zeitgeist. Its perfect balance of romance, heartbreak, drama, and intense cliffhangers has kept us hooked since 2020, but perhaps the most important thing the show brings is the valuable lessons about what it takes to cultivate and maintain a successful relationship. My boyfriend and I started watching the show right after we moved in together, and the conversations it’s prompted between us have created a strong foundation upon which we’ve been able to build our relationship.

Now, as season six has come to an intense, dramatic close, there have been even more meaningful conversations (not including whether or not Chelsea actually looks like Megan Fox) about trust, exes, money, kids, politics, and plans for the future in our home. Whether you love the show or don’t usually watch reality TV, here are seven important Love Is Blind-inspired questions that will open up the door to important relationship conversations.

Do we need to share our locations to feel secure?

In season six, after lying to Laura about his whereabouts the night he and Sarah Ann “hung back in the parking lot” to “talk,” Jeramey’s shady actions made couples everywhere face a serious reality in today’s digital age: Just because you share your location with me, doesn’t mean you’re being honest. After (allegedly) leaving his phone in his car to make Laura think he hadn’t left the bar, Jeramey’s Apple Watch shared his true location, making it clear that he had gone to his ex’s house. While location sharing can be a tool for safety purposes, using it solely to know where your partner is begs the question: Do I actually trust you, and do I have any reason to believe that you’ll be somewhere you shouldn’t be?

It’s important to discuss the role location sharing plays in your relationship and what reasons you want to (or don’t want to) use it. If you feel like you need to know your partner’s whereabouts at all times, that’s probably a red flag and indicates that there’s likely some broken trust that location sharing alone can’t rebuild.

My boyfriend and I have always chosen not to share our locations. I’m grateful that we have never felt the need to know where the other is at all times and trust that there’s no reason to be checking in. Plus, I like to be surprised when he stops to buy me flowers on his way home—I’d ruin that for myself knowing he was at the florist. When it comes to trust, we have fully decided to lean into an “innocent until proven guilty” mindset. And if that day ever comes, it will take way more than some location sharing to fix.

What are your relationships with your exes?

Along with location sharing comes the question, “Who are you with?” In Chelsea and Jimmy’s case in season six, Chelsea couldn’t ignore how Jimmy’s relationship with his female friends (one of whom he had previously hooked up with) made her feel, ultimately leading to the demise of their relationship. If your significant other has relationships that make you feel uncomfortable, tensions and insecurities will likely run high. But as much as discussing boundaries with exes and friends is important, trust is the most important factor in any relationship. If you need your partner to cut certain people out of their lives to feel secure, the problem likely lies with your relationship, not their relationship with anyone else.

If you need your partner to cut certain people out of their lives to feel secure, the problem likely lies with your relationship, not their relationship with anyone else.

I am lucky to be in a relationship with someone who is extremely kind and has a lot of friends—some of whom are female. It took a little time to get used to, but our conversations around boundaries and expectations helped make us each feel respected and secure. For him, feeling like I trusted him around the opposite sex was paramount. I could understand how someone wouldn’t want to feel like they were constantly under interrogation. I had male friends, too, and I didn’t want to feel like I had to prove my innocence any time someone texted me or commented on my latest Instagram post.

How do our individual finances affect our joint future?

Whether you have student loans, credit card debt, bad credit, a trust fund, or lots of investments, it’s important to discuss how these things will impact how you approach your future together. In the case of Stacy and Izzy in season five, Stacy couldn’t get over the fact that Izzy had bad credit (and, in fairness, failed to mention it until right before their wedding.) While many argued that she was shallow for caring more about financial security than love, plenty of people agreed that financial commitments in a marriage should be discussed and tackled as a unit.

Discussions about finances can be touchy, but it’s crucial to get on the same page about how you plan to tackle bills, large purchases, and investments together in the future. After all, conflict around money is often a top factor in a relationship’s demise. So whether you want to embark on joint accounts, split things 50/50, keep debts separate, or find a unique solution to your situation, talking these things through early is better than being blindsided. This conversation in my relationship opened the door to discussing our finances regularly. Understanding each other’s financial situations and goals has allowed us to lean on one another, especially through difficult times like job changes and unexpected large expenses. Ultimately, this has helped strengthen us as a team and put us in a position where we can begin to save for exciting things in the future, like our first home.

How do you handle conflict?

We all know those couples that love to push each other’s buttons. However, there is a difference between being compatible and being able (and willing) to work through conflict together. In the case of Jackie and Marshall in season four, while there may have been compatibility, there was little willingness to fight fairly and protect one another’s feelings. Name-calling, verbal attacks, and an unwillingness to communicate are bright red flags, so it’s no wonder their relationship ended prematurely.

Being part of a relationship means being on a team, and part of being a team player means taking into consideration every member’s thoughts, feelings, and opinions.

Just as we learn our partner’s love language to make them feel appreciated, we also need to know how they handle disagreements. You might be the type of person who can discuss an issue right away, but if your partner prefers time alone to think, it might be best to wait before addressing the situation. My boyfriend learned the hard way that I do not like to be approached when under major stress (sorry, honey). Conversely, I have learned that he sometimes needs a push to take care of things he could sweep under the rug. Ultimately, our rule is to speak with respect and approach one another with understanding and empathy. This has taught us how to come together as a team, rather than opponents, and adopt the mindset of “it’s us against the problem, not us against one another.”

Do you feel heard, considered, and valued when we make decisions?

Let’s face it: Some people are trailblazers, and some people are loyal followers (both are OK!). From the beginning of Chelsea and Kwame’s relationship in season four, Chelsea took the reins on decision-making. This led to conflict between the pair. For example, when discussing what the future held for them, Kwame was unenthusiastic about relocating to Seattle to live where Chelsea’s life was firmly planted. Despite having few ties to his current home in Portland, Kwame’s reluctance was rooted in feeling like his partner wasn’t concerned with his thoughts on the matter. While Chelsea’s plans made logical sense, Kwame’s voice wasn’t heard, and that can be frustrating for any partner.

Being part of a relationship means being on a team, and part of being a team player means considering every member’s thoughts, feelings, and opinions. We can’t assume our partners will agree with us on every decision. While I’m not great with decision-making, my partner has no issue making and sticking to a choice. Though that has made my life easy, it took time for me to get used to his strong convictions. But thanks to our discussions about taking one another’s feelings into account, he’s considerate when making choices that impact us both. This includes little things like what music we listen to and bigger things like splitting holidays between our families. Being comfortable expressing our needs has been a huge factor in the success of our relationship.

Are we in alignment on serious topics?

You might know your partner’s favorite color, the name of their childhood best friend, and their lucky number, but do you know where they stand on issues that really matter? For Nancy and Bartise in season three, it was all lighthearted fun until they started discussing issues like genetic testing, abortion, and financial investments. While a large majority of Nancy’s income was from a robust portfolio of investment properties, her career working with special needs children solidified her thoughts on major issues like abortion, politics, and a woman’s right to bodily autonomy. She and Bartise were not in alignment on any of these things. This ultimately led to the downfall of their relationship.

While two people can agree to disagree on certain topics and still make their relationship work, some opinions are a fundamental part of a person’s belief system. When it comes to major topics like politics, having children, where you want to live, and how you plan to spend (or not spend) your money, it’s better to make sure you’re on the same page sooner rather than later. This is especially true if disagreements on these topics could be deal breakers.

Understanding what your partner’s plans for the future hold and how you and your plans fit into them is paramount for having a successful relationship.

Having these conversations come up in the early stage of my relationship was more beneficial than I even realized. I’m so grateful to know that I’m in a relationship with someone who’s on the same page about important things. Seeing Nancy and Bartise realize they were incompatible at such a late stage in their romance was difficult. I feel very thankful and secure that we overcame that obstacle early.

What do you hope to accomplish over the next few years, and how do you see our relationship fitting into that plan?

We’ve all got big dreams for the future, but what if our dreams are at odds with our partners? In the case of SK and Raven in season three, SK’s tenure at a California medical school wasn’t enough to have Raven packing her bags to move there with him. That (plus a few cheating allegations) wound up killing their relationship.

School, work, relocation, family, and more can lead to couples being pulled apart. Though it may not be anyone’s fault, it can hurt to realize that life is taking you in different directions. Understanding what your partner’s plans for the future hold and how you and your plans fit into them is paramount for having a successful relationship; Being on the same page about how, when, and where you wind up keeps you both with your eyes on the same finish line.

I recently had a “Should I go to grad school and change careers?” moment, which prompted a major discussion in our home. After seeing SK and Raven’s relationship fall apart, being honest about my thoughts about the future became imperative. I expressed that if I was going to go back to school, I needed to know that we were both on the same page about where we wanted to be in five years. Similarly, I felt comfortable expressing that I wanted a marriage, a house, and kids in the not-so-distant future. I’m glad to report that we are, in fact, on the same page about those things. But perhaps more importantly, our comfortability in discussing these things is why we’ve been able to build a strong relationship.

Final thoughts

It’s never too soon (or too late) to have important conversations with the person you think could be the one. Being comfortable expressing your thoughts, opinions, fears, goals, boundaries, and expectations is crucial for having a solid foundation. Similarly, understanding your partner’s feelings on those subjects will only make you a better teammate. If you’ve found yourself in relationships that feel more like guessing games than real partnerships, it’s time to sit down, turn on Love Is Blind on Netflix, and have all of these important talks so your love story doesn’t end in an “I Don’t” at the altar (or, more likely, a breakup text).