"Say what you want about Virgos, but for all my perfectionism and scheduling, I have no trouble throwing my hands up and going with the flow. I try to focus on the here and now and not get too ahead of myself, which naturally has its pros and cons. Case in point? I let myself get caught up in the excitement of a new relationship when I start dating someone and don’t stop to think about the fact that I might meet my significant other’s friends and hate them.
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I know I’m not the only woman who’s ever found themselves in this predicament. On one hand, you want to cut these people out of your partner’s life because you can’t stand them. But on the other hand, you don’t want to come between them because no one could ever come between you and your girls.
That being said, if you’re looking for some help on how to deal with your significant other’s friends you hate, you’ve come to the right place. With these tips, you can effectively navigate this sticky situation and protect your relationship and peace. Keep scrolling to learn more.
How To Handle Your SO’s Friends When You Can’t Stand Them
1. Get to the bottom of what you hate about them
Some people just get under your skin, and that feeling makes you hate them. It happens to everyone, but it’s important to get to the bottom of why you’re feeling this way. Think about what bothers you about your partner’s friends; write out a list if you have to. Maybe you disagree with their lifestyle, or they might remind you of someone from your past; or, maybe their vibe’s off-putting, and that makes you uncomfortable.
Similarly, these friends might bring out a side of your partner you don’t normally see. Maybe your partner acts differently around them or you’re worried they’re bad influences. These are scary and uncomfortable emotions, but you might be misdirecting them and placing them on your significant other’s friends when they should be aimed at your partner.
2. Talk to your significant other about your feelings
After determining what exactly bothers you about them, sit down and have an honest conversation with your partner. Try to do this when you’re both in a good headspace and are able to hear the other one out (read: not after a stressful workday.). Talking about this can help give you insight into why your partner has these friends in their life and will help them better understand where you’re coming from as well.
When it comes time to talk, be gentle, and articulate your concerns delicately. Using phrases like “I feel…” or starting your sentences with “I” will put the blame on you and help lower your partner’s defenses. Likewise, be sure to remind them that you want the best for them and are coming from a loving place.
3. Try getting to know them better
Although they say three’s a crowd, schedule a time to hang out with your significant other and one of their friends. You could invite them over to your place if you live together, meet them for coffee or drinks, etc. This will give you a chance to get to know them better, and they might pleasantly surprise you. Plus, your partner will act as a natural buffer, which will help ease some of your worries and make you more comfortable.
Additionally, be sure to ask your partner ahead of time if you have anything in common with their friend. Finding common ground will make your life easier because you’ll be able to steer the conversation toward a topic you’re both interested in and can discuss and bond over.
4. Accept them and keep an open mind
Ultimately, you have to trust your partner’s decisions about who they keep in their life, and accepting this is the best thing you can do for yourself. Learn how to live with and be OK with occasionally seeing these friends, and go into these encounters open-minded. This will help you have a better time and protect your peace and relationship because their presence won’t upset you.
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How To Protect Your Relationship When You Hate Your SO’s Friends
1. Set healthy boundaries, not ultimatums
Your partner shouldn’t have to choose between you and their friends, and giving them the “it’s me or them” ultimatum will drive a wedge into your relationship; even if you get the answer you’re looking for, your partner will likely resent you for forcing them to choose. Instead, set healthy boundaries with your partner’s friends. Come to an agreement on when you’re both comfortable being around them, when it should just be the two of you, and when your partner should go at it alone. You’ll put a healthy distance between yourself and people you don’t like and your partner won’t have to sacrifice anybody, so everybody wins.
2. Encourage them to see their friends without you
If your partner cares about you and wants to make you happy, they may subconsciously distance themselves from their friends. And while this is great for you now, it can backfire, and they might end up resenting you down the line. So, when their friends invite them out, encourage them to go hang out with them without you. You can always hang out with your girls in the meantime or indulge in some self-care. After all, space is healthy, and friendships are important regardless of your relationship status.
3. Don’t give them space in your relationship
It’s easy to let your partner’s friends live in your relationship rent-free but try your best to not let that happen. Of course, you should absolutely talk to your partner when something’s bothering you, but other than that, don’t give them extra attention by bringing them up regularly. And at the end of the day, there’s a time and place to give them space in your relationship before firmly putting them out of your head, moving on, and living your best life, happy and in love.