"Just like exercising to stay in shape or maintaining a meditation practice for your mental health, establishing habits to get your libido in check doesn’t necessarily happen overnight. Sometimes it takes work. It’s important to keep in mind that every part of your body goes through phases over time—even our libidos. And while we would all love a healthy libido 24/7, sometimes our sex drives are going full speed ahead, and other times, they’re at a standstill. If you’re going through a phase where you just can’t get in the mood, know you are not alone and there are ways to get out of it. Everyone deserves to enjoy sex and look forward to it. Read on for seven habits women use to keep their libido healthy.
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1. Prioritize your alone time
Self-care can apply to many different areas, including your libido. Spending time on your own allows you to reconnect with your body and check in on your mental well-being. Our bodies are interconnected organisms, and if we are stressed, it can often result in more than just symptoms of tiredness or irritability; it can manifest in physical pain or even low libido. Taking time for self-care—whether it be through exercise, meditation, journaling, a nice bath at the end of the day, or cooking a meal you love—is so important. It’s a mental break we all need to reset and feel more grounded and connected, especially when the outside world can feel overwhelming.
2. Try something new
There’s no better way to stimulate libido than by trying something new. Maybe you and your partner have hit a rough patch and can’t connect like you used to, or maybe you’re single and your vibrator is starting to collect dust in your drawer. There’s no shame in either, but switching it up may be exactly what you need to break the spell. If you’re into solo sex, invest in a new sex toy, experiment with different porn, or set aside a night where you take a bath, light some candles, and indulge in pleasuring yourself.
If you are looking to boost sex with a partner, try choosing at least one night a week. Scheduling sex may sound unsexy, but it can really help to get you both out of a rut. You can also try an aphrodisiac, watching porn together, or bringing a sex toy into the bedroom. The best part? Whatever you choose, it can not only increase your libido but also build a stronger and healthier relationship. P.S. Don’t just stop at one—continue to try new things to keep your libido healthy.
3. Figure out what you like and dislike
Part of maintaining a healthy libido is knowing what you like and dislike (AKA what pleasures you or turns you on versus what doesn’t), but it’s OK if you’re still figuring that out—that’s part of the fun in experimentation. Perhaps you could try a new position and role-play or lean into pleasure that may have felt shameful in the past. Try to vocalize what gets you going and what you could do without. Discovering what you like and dislike means throwing out the narrative you may have learned about what women should like and shouldn’t like about sex. You are allowed to enjoy whatever you like, and no one should tell you otherwise. It’s your body and your libido, so you get to call the shots.
4. Build strong trust and communication with your partner
Whether you’re looking to improve intimacy in your relationship or you’re getting down and dirty with a FWB or casual hookup, you need to feel safe and secure in order to feel vulnerable enough to share your desires. If you feel like you’re lacking something, then it could be time to start an open dialogue with your partner about your needs. Start by planning a check-in or date night where you feel comfortable vocalizing your feelings and come to the table open and ready to share and listen. If you’re in a relationship, remember that your physical relationship can only be as strong as its emotional counterpart. And if you’re not in a LTR, you deserve to feel safe enough to communicate with anyone who’s lucky enough to be with you.
5. Exercise regularly
It should come as no surprise that those who exercise regularly are more likely to have a healthy libido. While working out has a plethora of benefits, the endorphins it releases and the effect it has on how we view our bodies directly impact our libidos. Studies have shown that there is “an association between body mass, a negative body image, and the avoidance of sexual situations.” In other words, if we want to feel confident in the bedroom and increase our libido, exercising on the regular and prioritizing our bodies is how we get there.
6. Take the pressure off
It goes without saying that women are under a lot of societal pressure. The pressure placed on women to fit into a certain box is prevalent, and I am here to tell you that it’s time to take the pressure off. We’re all wonderfully different, even when it comes to our libidos. Some people naturally have a higher sex drive than others, and that’s OK. Let go of any limiting beliefs surrounding your sexual well-being, and just listen to your body, be present in the experience, and enjoy sex on your own terms without any agenda or end goal in mind.
7. Talk to your doctor
The health of your libido deserves the same attention as any other medical concern you may have. And while your sex drive could improve with the aforementioned habits, there may be underlying factors that require further examination. Aside from mental blocks, including medications, physical changes, and hormonal changes, there are many other factors that can contribute to low libido. If you have a consistently low sex drive, it may be time to talk to your doctor. Maintain regular check-ups with your gynecologist, and prioritize your sexual health as you would any other part of your body.
