How to Find Your Confidence After a Breakup

written by RAVEN ISHAK
Source: @kevin-malik | Pexels
Source: @kevin-malik | Pexels

No matter how many times you listen to a Taylor Swift song after a breakup, the pain from a heartbreak can feel unbearable. Closing a chapter in your life, like a romantic relationship, is not something anyone finds particularly comfortable or enjoyable—whether they were the person who decided to pull the plug or not. But, no matter how long you and your ex were together, you both decided, at one time or another, to be a part of each others’ story—and that’s something you should remember and cherish.

Experiencing this type of loss can take a long time to move through, and for some, can be temporarily detrimental to your self-confidence and overall well-being. But fear not, there are ways to overcome the emotions and mental roadblocks you may be facing. Ahead, we are sharing some tested tips for how to build confidence again after a breakup so you can get back to feeling like yourself.

1. Allow yourself to grieve the relationship

You would think it would be easier to heal after each breakup you experience, but every situation is different. Whatever you do, don’t believe that you failed because the relationship didn’t work out. Every person who enters into your life is supposed to be there for a reason—whether to teach you a lesson or help you grow in some way. Relationships—especially romantic ones—may challenge your thoughts and help you discover things about yourself. And by allowing yourself to grieve, you’re giving yourself permission to be vulnerable and present in the moment.

2. Create a space for healing and understanding

Some people like to jump into another relationship right after a breakup to prevent the loss they’ve just experienced from their previous relationship. While that’s not a bad thing to do, it might be best to use this time to pamper yourself and engage in self-care when you’re working on how to build confidence post-breakup. Take long, bubbly baths for no reason; go to a movie that you’ve been dying to see by yourself; spruce up your apartment to create a stress-free oasis. Just because the relationship you were in didn’t go as planned doesn’t mean the one you’re currently in with yourself has to suffer and end as well.

If you want to find a space for healing and understanding in the aftermath of a breakup that is outside of your own apartment, you may want to check out Heartbroken Anonymous, an in-person and virtual support group for those who have experienced heartbreak created by television personality Naz Perez. On a recent episode of The Everygirl Podcast, Perez explained that she wanted to create a space where everyone who had experienced recent loss (from the loss of a partner to the loss of a dream or even a friendship) could feel understood and heard. “We can heal each other, and we don’t use that power enough,” Perez said. “We need to remind ourselves that we’re not alone when we’re dealing with heartbreak.”

3. Surround yourself with close friends and family

Having a healthy support system will help you heal and feel confident as you learn how to find yourself after a breakup. Friends and family can listen to you vent and provide a shoulder to lean on when you feel sad. Make sure to schedule a few friend dates to get out of the house and do something fun. While there’s no definite end date to when you’ll feel better, your loved ones’ support can help build your self-confidence by reminding you why you deserve happiness and making you laugh. 

4. Dress the way you want to feel inside

Fake it ‘til you make it, right? Even though you may want to hide in a closet and binge-watch your favorite Netflix show, you may feel better if you pretend to feel happy. An easy way to help change your mindset is by wearing things that may make you feel confident. Take the time to pick out an outfit that will bring out your inner girl boss, try a new hairstyle—heck, even brush your teeth. A little bit of grooming and self-care can help you feel more confident and may even heal your heartbreak. It’s all about baby steps. 

5. Conquer the things you once put aside

There may be one or two things you never had the chance to begin or accomplish because of your previous relationship. While this partnership might’ve not worked out, you can finally go after the things you always wanted to do. Focusing on new projects can allow you to feel accomplished and brave and may even spark a new venture for you to explore. Don’t let a past relationship stop you from achieving your goals because your confidence has been affected. This is the perfect time to dust off your shoulders and build up your self-worth by going after the things that once made you feel alive. 

6. Be mindful of your thoughts

It can be easy to engage in negative self-talk when you go through a breakup. You may second-guess your self-worth, which can affect your self-confidence. Instead of focusing on the negative and beating yourself up over the past, gain your confidence back by challenging your thoughts. Every day, write a few things down about why you love yourself. It might feel silly at first, but the more you practice this, the quicker you may fall back in love with yourself again.

7. Be kind to yourself

There’s no reason why you need to punish yourself when you go through a breakup, especially if your significant other broke up with you. Just because the relationship didn’t work out doesn’t mean something is wrong with you or you did something wrong —not all relationships are supposed to last, some are there to teach you life lessons. Try to remember that even though it’s completely normal to work on yourself to grow and learn, no one should make you feel inferior. When you’re working on how to build confidence post-breakup, don’t forget to keep your head high, don’t overthink the things you could’ve done, and please, don’t obsess over the mistakes you made. You’re human and it’s never too late to learn and try again.