There’s sex. And then there’s really, really, really good sex. The kind of sex that lets you lose yourself and find yourself again. The kind of sex that leaves you feeling not just like, “Glad we did that. Should we see what’s on Netflix?” but more connected to yourself, your partner, and the energy of life itself.
The kind of sex that, in my experience, seems to happen more or less by accident. It takes some elusive mixture of the right partner at the right time, in the right setting, with the right headspace and blood sugar levels. Maybe even the moon phase is involved. Who knows? Whatever makes for mind-blowing sex, it sometimes feels more or less beyond my control.
Luckily, this is simply not the case. I spoke with sex, intimacy, and manifestation expert Genevieve Pleasure, and as it turns out, deeply connected, fulfilling sex is not outside my control—or yours! Even better? There’s a map for it. Enter, The Orgasmic Arc.
What is the Orgasmic Arc?
The Orgasmic Arc is a framework designed by Genevieve to guide you deeper into your sexual exploration and connect you to your authentic, erotic power.
The Arc has six intuitive steps, beginning with Safety and ending not with orgasm, but with Expression. (You’ll see.) Each step is a complete experience, in and of itself. You can flow through the steps at any pace, move back and forth between them, and hang out in any step for as long as you like.
I like to think of it this way: You could get in your car at 3am, beat the GPS by as many minutes as you can, take a few photos, get a cup of coffee while you fill the tank, then speed back home before sunrise. Technically, you did visit a new city. (Maybe you even had an orgasm.)
The Orgasmic Arc is a different kind of trip. The kind where you explore along the way, following your instincts to local secrets, turning down hidden pathways, stopping to take in the views. It’s the kind of trip that could change you. It’s the kind of trip that brings you closer to yourself, and to whoever travels with you.
Why it works
The Orgasmic Arc works first and foremost because it’s how the body naturally cycles, anyway.
In fact, you’ve probably moved through the Orgasmic Arc before! An exhilarating workout, losing yourself in the music, organizing the junk drawer and getting a big woosh of satisfaction – when we’re relaxed and open to inspiration, our body naturally moves through cycles of escalation, release, and integration. It feels like being “in the zone,” or “in flow,” or whatever words you use to describe feeling like your best, authentic self.
The Orgasmic Arc allows us to “translate that feeling of being in flow with yourself” into our sexual experiences, says Genevieve. “So we can experience that same sense of ease in our intimacy with ourselves and with other people.”
So if you’re ready for a trip along the steamy, scenic rout, read on for the pleasure map that is bound to change the way you relate to all things sex for the better.
The Orgasmic Arc Roadmap
Even if you’re in the privacy of your own home with your most trusted partner, ask yourself, “Does my body feel safe?” If the answer is no, (maybe there’s some lingering stress from the day, maybe feet are a little chilly) Genevieve says, “We ask the body, ‘What do I need right now in order to feel safe?’” This could be as simple as a hug, turning up the thermostat, or just a moment to breathe.
*As you move through the other steps, remember that you can always come back to Safety. “A lot of people push past their contraction,” says Genevieve, “and that’s where resentment can get built up in the body. When the body contracts and feels tension, you have to give yourself permission to stop, drop and go back to Safety.”
Once Safety has been established and you’re tuned in to the present moment, your body will start to “respond” with sensation. Almost like it can tell you’re paying attention. It’s “talking,” through little bits of turn-on, energetic movement, maybe temperature change. Play here with yourself, (or with a partner), by adding breath and movement. This step has a very “foreplay” vibe. It can look like anything from a super-hot makeout session heading right for the kitchen floor to sexy eye contact across the table on a great first date. Whatever sensations arise, give yourself permission to feel and let them build on your way to the next step.
As sensation builds, the body will start to signal to you. This can be a physical sensation— “pain or turn-on or anything in between—even numbness counts here,” Genevieve writes in her book, The Orgasmic Arc. It can be an emotion, a thought, a fantasy or a memory. Whatever comes into focusbe with it. If your genitals want to be touched or stroked, go for it (or ask your partner to go for it.) If you want pressure or holding on some other area of your body– legs, chest, head– go there.
Genevieve invites us to think of this step like the opening of a cave. “Many of us see the opening but aren’t sure what’s inside or what to do with what we find inside, so we stay on the periphery. Incredible orgasmic energy is cultivated when we choose to go in and through the cave rather than running from it.”
And on the other side of the cave…is the climax moment. The orgasm. When we ground ourselves in safety, follow intrigue, and meet the body’s desire in directionality, orgasm becomes not just a momentary relief that “leaves us hungry for the next hit,” but, “a surrender of sorts, to something that is bigger than us.” Welcome to Openness. This might feel like a genital orgasm. An energetic orgasm. It may feel like crying or laughing.
Sometimes Openness feels like relief, and sometimes it doesn’t. As Genevieive puts it, a true release is a little like moving around the furniture. “Sometimes what’s behind the couch in your nervous system isn’t very good to look at.” So if you’re riding on waves of bliss—amazing, enjoy. If you feel a little edgy or strange, know that that’s totally normal, and head back to Safety.
Yep, climax is just the middle. Because after a true, full-body release, we have Beingness. This is that sort of floaty, nothingness feeling. No time, nothing to do. You just are. Maybe just for a breath or two. Maybe for several minutes. It doesn’t matter. You can’t “do” Beingness anymore than you can “do” meditation, but giving yourself and your partner a few extra seconds after Openness to just be will feel amazing. “If I’m with someone new,” says Genevieve, “I’ll just put my hand on their chest and breathe. And even if it’s just for five seconds, that’s enough.”
Anyone who’s ever had really amazing sex and then said something that feels a little out of character—maybe sillier, more uninhibited, maybe totally genius or surprising—knows what Expression feels like. Genevieve calls this experience, “the artistry of your spirit.” Basically, it’s you. Really you. Before the typical human embarrassment or judgment or whatever other “stuff,” comes back in. But here’s the thing…
The more you play with the Orgasmic Arc, the more space you create for pleasure. The more space you create for all aspects of you. The more you, you get to be.