I’m one of the most social people I know, and yet I still struggle to balance my friendships with my marriage. Finding time to give each relationship the attention it deserves isn’t easy, and one typically gets put on the back burner as a result. Obviously, neglecting my friendships or my marriage isn’t ideal, but there’s an obvious—yet often overlooked—solution: double dating.
I’ve been on plenty of double dates before, but honestly, I never considered the fact that the benefits could go beyond just a fun night out with a group. But according to Jordanne Sculler, LMHC, a licensed therapist and friendship and relationship expert, double dating not only helps you balance your platonic and romantic relationships but also strengthens your romantic relationship overall—leading to a healthier and longer relationship.
If you think this sounds too good to be true, I thought the same thing. To get to the bottom of it, I grilled Sculler for more insight. Ahead, how double dating improves relationships, plus tips for adding more double dates to your shared calendar.
Jordanne Sculler, LMHC
Jordanne Sculler, LMHC is a licensed therapist and mental health expert dedicated to helping individuals and couples unlock their potential for growth, self-awareness, and authentic connection. Known for her warm yet direct approach, Jordanne believes therapy is most effective when built on a foundation of trust and understanding. She is based in Miami, FL, and runs a group practice with a wonderful team of therapists in New York City.
How double dating improves relationships
It expands how you connect
Quality 1:1 time is often considered the best way to connect with your partner. And while it should be prioritized, Sculler says connection can (and should) occur outside of your alone time, too. “Couples who laugh and have fun together are able to connect deeper,” she said. Double dating allows you and your significant other to do that alongside other people, which expands your opportunities for connection. Plus, they create new memories and shared experiences between the two of you, which naturally makes you closer.
It gives your relationship perspective
Additionally, Sculler says double dating also gives your relationship perspective. Spending time with another couple lets you see how others operate. This can be incredibly beneficial because it can make you more appreciative of what you and your significant other have or clue you in on healthy habits to adopt. For example, you might feel more appreciative of how you and your partner manage household tasks after witnessing a couple bicker over taking the trash out. By the same token, hearing how another couple navigated a disagreement might show you how to better handle one in the future.
It brings novelty to the relationship
According to Sculler, spending time with another couple gives you and your partner new experiences, conversations, and dynamics that can make your own relationship feel more interesting or “recharged.” For example, instead of frequenting the same spots or following the same date night routine, you visit new places and try new things when you’re with another couple. It’s a great refresh. Additionally, double dates provide you with fresh material to discuss with your partner. Instead of rehashing how work’s going for the umpteenth time, you’ll talk about how the date went, whether you want to try the restaurant your friends were raving about, and so forth. According to Sculler, this subsequently enhances intimacy, vulnerability, and communication.
It helps you grow together
Lastly, what sets double dating apart from other social outings is that it lets you build a social network with your significant other. Of course, spending time with your girls and your partner separately is vital. But couples with mutual friend groups typically have higher relationship satisfaction. Likewise, Sculler says double dating fosters individual and relationship growth, namely because it can push you outside of your comfort zone. When you’re pushed outside of the norm, you often end up exploring and discovering different sides of yourself and your partner.
How to start double dating with your partner
Based on all that, it’s clear that spending time with other couples makes your relationship healthier and stronger, but actually going on them is easier said than done. It might be hard to get your partner on board or find another couple that’s down to double date. Either way, Sculler has solutions. Here’s how to start double dating more frequently so you can reap the long-lasting benefits.
Introduce the idea to your partner
Springing a date with another couple on your partner isn’t cool. Like all things in a relationship, talking to them about it first is key, so you’re both on the same page. During this convo, make sure you emphasize why you want to spend time with another couple. Obviously, listing the benefits of double dating will support and validate your argument. Likewise, listing your personal reasons for wanting to do it and why you think it’ll be fun for both of you can also be helpful. These reasons might include switching things up and trying something new, spending time with new or old friends, and so forth.
If your partner’s reluctant, get clear on why that is. Though some might take longer to come around to the idea than others, having ongoing, honest, and open discussions about the topic can help. It’s likely that once your partner understands the benefits and the reasons why you want to double date, that will be enough to make them more open-minded, even if they are nervous at first.
Decide what types of couples you want to be around
Once you’re both on board, Sculler recommends sitting down with your significant other to determine the kind of couples you want to double date with. Some couples prefer spending time around energy that matches theirs, while others prefer the opposite to balance things out. For example, being around decisive, take-charge people can be refreshing if you hate making decisions and feel better going with the flow.
Furthermore, consider what types of people your relationship could benefit from. If you’ve fallen into a routine with your partner, spending time with different types of couples will break up the monotony. If you’re homebodies, consider spending time with social butterflies who will get you both out of the house. Conversely, if you’re always on the go, try hanging out with a couple who prefer low-key outings, like a game night at home.
Use technology to meet new couples
Double dating with couples you already know is a great place to start, but it’s good to branch out and meet new people. Utilizing technology and leveraging online groups and communities is a great way to do this. Try seeking out groups that are aligned with your interests as well as your partner’s. That way, you can actually meet up with couples who share the same preferences. Think: a hiker’s group, pottery club, and so on.
Additionally, you can try double dating apps. While apps like Bumble BFF are great for establishing one-on-one friendships, Sculler is a huge fan of the Doubles Social, which is a double dating app for couples. Not only is it designed specifically for couples to meet and build new friendships with other couples together, but it also does the work for you by connecting you with like-minded couples. Sculler says each couple has a joint profile that the app uses to curate matches for them. Couples can then group chat with these matches and send and receive Double Date Requests with the proposed time, date, and location of said date. According to Sculler, this enhances intimacy, communication, shared worldview, and respect between partners because it lets them mutually decide who they want to be friends with and how that friendship will be built.
Stay consistent
The old saying “Rome wasn’t built in a day” exists for a reason. It’s unrealistic to think that you can fit in double dates all the time; they shouldn’t replace your one-on-one date nights completely, and we all have busy schedules. Instead of stressing over where you can fit in a double date on your calendar each and every week, set a double dating goal. You and your partner might agree to go on a double date once a month, every other month, or every three months. Frequency isn’t the crux here—what really matters is having a goal so you’re more intentional about including them. This way, your relationship will reap the benefits on a more regular basis.
Arianna Reardon, Contributing Writer
Arianna is a freelance writer and journalist, and the self-proclaimed hot and dirty martini queen. At The Everygirl, Arianna uses her authenticity and relatability to empower, inspire, and motivate women everywhere. Whether she’s writing about sex and relationships, career and finance, beauty and fashion, wellness, or home and living, Arianna’s passion shines through in all her work.
