On a random night of scouring Netflix for something new, I came across Sex, Love & goop. I hadn’t heard of it, but the description caught my eye: Courageous couples journey toward more pleasurable sex and deeper intimacy with help from Gwyneth Paltrow and a team of experts in this reality series. Because I promised myself I’d watch something out-of-the-box rather than binge-watching another season of The Vampire Diaries, I figured this voyage wouldn’t cause any harm. Little did I know, pressing play was an awakening I didn’t know I was due for.
In collaboration with Gwyneth Paltrow’s media company goop.com, Netflix created a reality show based on couples of different ages and sexualities navigating the bumps of sexual chemistry, dynamic issues, or childhood traumas they wanted to work through. It seems typical enough, right? You and I, my friend, were both very wrong.
The show opens with Paltrow happily relaying, “we’re having sex, it’s a show about sex, and we’re gonna talk about sex.” You can immediately see the embarrassment and discomfort from many of the couples as they dive into what most of them have always thought of as taboo. Then, we meet Damon and Erika.
This couple really stood out to me because they were a perfect replica of how, like many couples, sexual wants and needs are extremely different. While Erika felt that she was extremely sensual and needed to find the right moment for sex, she was constantly met and unsatisfied with Damon’s “I’m horny, aren’t you?” when sex was so far from her mind. They meet with Miss Jaiya, a somatic sexologist and author of numerous books geared toward having more pleasurable and rewarding sex. She explains their erotic blueprint, experiments with different aspects of pleasure, and even helps Damon, who thought he was just a sexual blueprint, have an energetic orgasm so powerful he sheds a tear.
It was more inspiring than I could’ve ever imagined. So in my desperate need to have my own tear-shedding orgasm, I took the in-depth, $17 quiz (for anyone wanting a free version, the website offers a basic one as well.)
First things first: Knowing the different erotic blueprints is key. Based in how you like to receive pleasure, these categories are game changers for unlocking your sexual superpowers. It’s also ideal for understanding how to break sexual incompatibility with your partner and reach the perfect middle ground for mind-blowing orgasms on both ends.
The Erotic Blueprints
This blueprint is all about engaging the senses. In their everyday lives, they’re probably really big on filling their space with textures, listening to music they “feel,” and surrounding themselves with beautiful scenery. During sex, they will most likely enjoy massages, essential oils, and lots of lingering touch.
The really cool thing about sensual blueprints is that they can have full-body orgasms beyond their partner’s touch. A beautiful sunset or perfectly curated food can do it for them.
The sexual blueprint is described by Jaiya as “what we think of as sex in our culture.” These beings are turned on by porn, naked bodies, genitals, etc. Typically considered the easiest to please, this type is also known to have less shame about sex than other groups.
Because their view of sex is so focused on what society portrays as “normal,” they may be likely to think anything that doesn’t involve intercourse or penetration isn’t sex at all.
These types are known to have orgasms without touch. Crazy, right? They tend to feel more with less; yoga and meditation may be activities they turn to naturally. Some often find themselves craving the feel of longing, eye-gazing, or hovering touch.
It’s important to keep an open line of communication with energetic blueprints because they can get overwhelmed easily with stimulation or underwhelmed by a lack of presence from their partner.
We’ve all heard the term kinky, but do you actually know what it means? The types are turned on by creativity and exploration; they’re aroused by the taboo. Oftentimes, these types can feel a sense of shame or repression in regard to their sexual desires because they may not view themselves as “normal.”
Out of all the types, besides the Shapeshifter, this type is known to have the most play. Some things they may enjoy are switching between dominant and submissive role-play, spanking, or introducing bondage toys.
This erotically sophisticated blueprint can bounce between different types based on different partners or experience multiple blueprints all at one. Referred to as the “whole
smorgasbord” by Jaiya, this type is known to be an empathic lover, since they are able to adjust and feel all of the blueprints.
Known for enjoying discovery, this type may be fond of layering different types of play, using different toys, and trying new trends in the realm of sex to constantly evolve their knowledge.
To my surprise, I’m a Shapeshifter. I sat in awe for a second because of how much sense it all made. I never could remember a time where I felt all the way kinky or all the way sensual, but I knew there were times where those blueprints were so heightened for me that I assumed I was one or the other. Directly after the quiz, there was a downloadable report and video recorded by Jaiya herself elaborating more on the results of blueprints like me. Throughout the speech, one line made me 100% sure the quiz made no mistake:
“You’ve probably been told that you’re too much, so somewhere in there, you shrink.”
At this point, I knew she had worked magic. Her elaboration on how as shapeshifters, it’s easy to become a people-pleaser who molds themselves into what other people need or want (guilty as charged), which had become a personality trait for me. Who would’ve thought it would also become a major aspect of my sex life?
What happens when shapeshifters abandon their love of variety is a term she coined, known as “one-note” sex: short sexual encounters that get boring and unfulfilling rather quickly. But, by tapping into the sense of variety that comes naturally to shapeshifters, it’s possible to become the “horn section, flute section, the drums, and the opera singer all at once in a four-hour piece.”
By reframing the idea of feeling like you’re “too much,” she urges all shapeshifters to ask what’s possible instead. So in every aspect of my life, I’ve been learning to love and accept that I am erotically sophisticated and that it shows up even when I least expect it. Besides being a major turning point for the way I view myself as a sexual being, this mindset has been amazingly effective in letting my orchestra “light up and be played exquisitely” in all aspects of my life.
Overall, I think everyone should take this quiz. What’s to lose? Knowing your erotic blueprint, and your partner’s, is an amazing way to have next-level sex and connect on a new level. If you’re riding solo, it’s life-altering information that’ll assist in communicating and connecting with yourself. If you’re a fan of Sex, Love & goop, you’ve seen the impact (and overall shift) that extra line of knowledge can have on relationships.
This quiz is also a major game-changer for healing. For many of us, we’ve learned to feel sexual shame in ways that have manifested into our everyday lives. Kinky types may have felt isolated in their fantasies while sensuals might try to ignore their love for things that may not constitute as “sex.” Learning your erotic blueprint is seriously the first step in learning the language your body has always spoken and the start to fulfilling everything you’ve always wanted in a sexual and non-sexual way.