"If I hear one more person refer to missionary sex as “vanilla” or “basic,” I’ll scream. First, there is nothing wrong with being vanilla if that’s what you like, and things are often basic because they’re good. Sex, partnered or solo, is such a personal act that individual preference always takes the cake. There are so many things I love about getting steamy in this position, but my favorite part is the intimacy of it. It is one of the only positions that allows you to maintain eye contact with your partner throughout sex, and it facilitates face-to-face and skin-to-skin connection. Sounds hot already, doesn’t it?
While it might be the most accessible sex position to start with, it’s also the easiest to dress up, if you will. Ahead, I’m sharing what missionary position is, what makes it so sexy, and seven ways to amp up the spice level next time you have missionary sex.
What is missionary position?
In the most straightforward sense, missionary position is typically defined as having the penetrating partner on top of the other partner. The receiving partner lies flat on their back, and the penetrating partner lies over them, facing the receiver. A common misconception is that this position is reserved for heterosexual couples. However, that is not the case. Couples of any partner paring can try out missionary position, using strap-ons, toys, anal penetration, or whatever works for your specific bodies and preferences. If you saw the movie Red, White & Royal Blue, you know this to be true.
How to Spice Up Missionary Position
1. Add sex toys
While it may seem self-explanatory, I am always happy to remind everyone about sex toys. Penetration in missionary position allows for a hands-free experience for the receiver, meaning you can add your favorite vibrator or experiment with new ones. I recommend opting for a wand or a vibrator with a handle for easier access in this position. If you’re going for clitoral stimulation, this list of effective sex toys is a great place to start! For partners with a penis, cock rings and external vibrators are wonderful additions to face-to-face penetration.
2. Add nipple play (and focus on other erogenous zones)
Even with no special tricks added, I almost always prefer touching and seeing my partner as things get hot and heavy. Having sex face-to-face also allows the best access to any position to stimulate additional erogenous zones. Want to move down to your partner’s nipples? Easy. Focus the rest of your attention on the nipples by breathing hot air to warm up the nerve endings, then move to sucking or nibbling and biting. There is no harm in layering and spreading your attention over your partner’s preferred zones by licking the neck or sneaking in a few sensual nibbles on the jawline to maximize sensation and pleasure. Use your fingers or additional vibrators to make it a full-body experience that both partners can enjoy!
3. Play with depth
Looking for deeper penetration in this position? Raising the legs of the receiving partner allows for a new angle that feels deeper for both partners. Legs can go on shoulders or wrap around the penetrating partner’s waist to hold them closer. Not only will this allow for deeper access, but it also activates the G-spot of vulva owners for a truly orgasmic experience! You can also experiment with shallow penetration, focusing all the attention on the opening and first few centimeters (up to an inch) of the vagina or anus. Shallowing can provide an opportunity for both partners to slow down and ramp up the tension during sex, and with that intimate eye contact? Hot as hell.
4. Add a little bondage kink
If you feel comfortable and interested, exploring a little kink while in missionary position can be extremely pleasurable for both partners. Be sure to discuss and set personal boundaries and expectations around your fantasies and limits before diving in, as consent is key. If you’re feeling up for it, some light bondage with ties, handcuffs, or silk scarves can heat things up. Relinquishing control to the partner on top, regardless of who that is, can add an extra level of trust and intimacy and appeal to an otherwise standard position.
5. Kiss
One of the easiest ways to add heat to missionary sex is simply to make out! Alicia Sinclair, certified sex educator, certified sexuality coach, and founder of b-Vibe, advises you to make sure you “Go slow and incorporate long, deep kisses” to help you remain present, locked in, and focused on the sensations you’re feeling. This is my favorite tip because kissing is so sensual on its own. Want to go in for a neck kiss, too? With the easy access that missionary sex provides, you absolutely can.
6. Slow down (or speed up)
When it comes to missionary position, there is also an additional massive benefit for vulva owners, as the penetrating partner’s pubic area moves against the clitoris during thrusting motions, allowing for that needed oomph of stimulation. Sex doesn’t need to happen in one continuous rhythm, so feel free to play with speed and tempo in the bedroom. Long, slow, deep thrusts can be super hot with prolonged eye contact. On the other side of the coin, short, shallow, and quick thrusts can build anticipation and dial up the heat! Vary them, combine them, and most importantly—do what feels best to you!
7. Incorporate dirty talk
Dirty talk can enhance any and every sex position, but it does something extra special for missionary, in my opinion. There is something so undeniably hot about being face-to-face, eye-to-eye, and divulging exactly what you want to do to your partner… and what you want them to do to you. Let them know how you’re feeling, what you’re liking, and what you want more (or less) of! Try whispering, as the soft vibrations against their neck or ear can be a huge turn-on.
Sydney Cox, Contributing Sex & Relationships Writer
Sydney Cox is a Chicago-based writer and intimacy coordinator who is passionate about exploring the complexities of human connections and teaching readers to advocate for themselves. Sydney’s work has been featured in various publications, where they aim to foster open and honest conversations.