Just when you thought you’d survived ghosting, breadcrumbing, floodlighting, and all the other -ing trends, along comes a new one to make you question your sanity and consider going boy sober. Meet “Banksying”—the latest dating trend that’s quickly earning a reputation for being even sneakier and more toxic than ghosting. If you’ve ever felt secure in a relationship—only to have it fall apart seemingly overnight and be stuck wondering if the whole relationship was a lie—you might already be a victim. The worst part? Banskying isn’t reserved for new couples or singles exploring the dating scene—it affects seemingly solid long-term couples, too. Ahead, everything you need to know about Banksying, including what it looks like, why it happens, and most importantly, how to move forward if it happens to you.
What is Banksying?
Banksying is a new dating term, named after the British street artist Banksy. Banksy is well known for their secrecy—painting murals overnight and disappearing, leaving the art to be discovered. In the dating world, this term refers to one person in a relationship gradually distancing themselves from their partner over time (weeks or even months) while planning to end the relationship. Unlike ghosting, where someone vanishes without warning, Banksying is more calculated. Instead of being straightforward about their feelings, they choose to plan their exit, which lets them emotionally detach and leave the relationship without hurting themselves, but, in turn, totally blindsides and hurts their partner.
Why are people Banksying?
In modern dating, people are “Banksying” as a way to avoid vulnerability and confrontation. Having tough conversations is hard, and a lot of people just don’t know how to do it. This behavior is a reflection of the current culture of hyper-connectivity to the internet and a lack of emotional accountability. With dating apps and social media, it’s easier than ever to feel like there’s always another option waiting. That mindset can make people less willing to work through relationship issues and more likely to disappear when things get uncomfortable. It’s also common for daters today to avoid conflict (hello, avoidant attachment!), fearing those open and honest conversations.
Common signs of Banksying
Although it’s often hard to predict when you are about to be left in the dust, there are some red flags that you can look out for. You might notice a partner being more emotionally distant when it comes to talking about things like the future or their emotions. Deep conversations start to fade, and they may seem checked out, distracted, or less invested in how you’re feeling. Or, if they’re usually the type of person to show physical affection (hugging, kissing, cuddling), you might notice them pulling back in that aspect. Maybe when you bring up concerns, they reassure you with vague answers or overly positive responses, avoiding real vulnerability. While these signs don’t guarantee you’re being Banksy’d, they’re worth paying attention to. The best defense? Honest communication. Create space to check in with your partner regularly, and you might be able to avoid it.
What to do if you experience Banksying
If you experience Banksying, it might feel like the end of the world to you. You’re left confused, hurt, and maybe even a little angry. Whatever you’re feeling is valid, and trying to push it down won’t make it go away. Give yourself space to feel it all. Journaling, talking to a friend, or speaking with a therapist can help you process what happened. When closure isn’t offered, sometimes you have to create it for yourself. That might mean taking a break from dating, diving into new hobbies, or simply treating yourself with more compassion. Go to that yoga class, or take a solo day trip. Do the things that reconnect you with yourself.
If you’re feeling stuck, write a letter to the person who left. Just getting the words out can be incredibly healing, and you can say everything you didn’t get to. Burn it, rip it up, or keep it—whatever feels right. If your ex is open to an honest conversation, and you feel emotionally ready for it, that’s your choice. But don’t feel pressured to seek answers from someone who has already shown they can’t offer clarity. Sometimes, the closure is realizing you deserve better communication than they were willing to give. If you experience Banksying, let it be the turning point that reminds you of your worth, your boundaries, and your values. The right person won’t retreat when things get uncomfortable—they’ll stay and work through it with you.
Jenna Piotrowicz, Editorial Assistant
Jenna began working as an Editorial Assistant for The Everygirl in 2024. With her eye for detail, she assists the team with content creation, sourcing products and images, and works behind the scenes to support The Everygirl in uploading and updating content.
