It goes without saying, but orgasms make sex better, which is probably why having one tends to be our primary goal during partnered and solo sex. While there’s nothing inherently wrong with this, we tend to forget to enjoy the ride and prolong the experience when we approach sex this way—but edging is the perfect antidote to that. With this sex technique, you intentionally drag out the process of reaching climax to increase sexual tension and arousal before finally tipping over the edge into an intensely powerful orgasm. Edging is a powerful way to increase pleasure, and it actually has some health benefits, too—I mean, is there anything better than that?!
Ahead, we are sharing everything you need to know about edging, from why it’s so powerful to the exact steps you can take to experience euphoric orgasms for yourself—partnered or solo.
What is edging?
Edging is essentially a form of orgasm control that deliberately delays climax, and it’s something anyone can engage in. With this technique, you “edge” your way to orgasm by taking yourself to the brink of climax and back again. Basically, once you start to get the sensation that you’re about to have an orgasm, you cease all stimulation for a period of time, start back up again, and repeat the cycle until you’re ready to finish. The whole goal behind this is to make sex last longer and build up anticipation and excitement for bigger, better orgasms.
Why is edging so powerful?
It’s beneficial for your health
Denying yourself orgasms might sound counterintuitive and tortuous, but edging can be seriously beneficial to your sex life and health. Not only can it combat early ejaculation in penis and vulva owners, but it can relieve painful sex that is caused by vaginal dryness as well. While using lube can help and shouldn’t be discounted, the process of edging increases blood flow to the genitals, which naturally increases lubrication in the vagina thanks to extra arousal and desire. Similarly, while muscles of the pelvic floor contract and release during orgasm, maintaining control and holding yourself back when you’re on the cusp of climax might also improve and strengthen the health of your pelvic floor the same way kegels do.
It can increase pleasure
While all orgasms are satisfying, delaying that gratification when you’re on the cusp of climaxing can actually lead to more powerful and intense orgasms. Because repeatedly denying yourself the one thing your body is begging you to do only heightens the sensations you’re experiencing. (We all want what we can’t have, after all.) So when the time comes to finally give in and let go, your orgasm will be earth-shattering because of it. Likewise, prolonging orgasm also enhances the entire experience because edging encourages you to luxuriate in it all.
It increases self-awareness
In addition to life-changing orgasms, edging is also a great way to become more mindful during sex. “With edging, you are building more self-awareness around your body and its orgasmic states,” sexologist and resident sexpert for Lovers, Marla Renee Stewart, MA, tells StyleCaster. “You can be more present in your body, understand how your breathing contributes to orgasm, and ultimately, mentally log what touches feel right for your body to come to the edge of orgasm.”
It encourages you to focus on sensuality
Having an orgasm is often the primary focus of sex, but edging shifts that focus away and onto sensuality instead. Since it forces you to take things slow lest you risk orgasming too quickly, it not only prolongs the experience but also lets you learn what really turns you on. Despite having over 30 erogenous zones, we tend to spotlight the well-known ones—like the genitals, nipples, ears, and neck—most of the time. But with edging, you can experiment with new sensations by stimulating those uncharted pleasure points through things like a full-body massage, light touch, or sex toys.
In essence, edging prolongs sexual stimulation and helps you get more in touch with yourself by fostering a strong mind-body connection during sex so you can have intensely powerful orgasms. No matter how you’re playing—whether it’s solo or with a partner—this is something we can all get behind and start trying for ourselves ASAP.
How to edge—solo or partnered
Luxuriate and focus on your breath
Perfecting the art of edging can take some time, but learning how to luxuriate and focus on your breath is key. During solo play, set aside 5-10 minutes to lightly touch your erogenous zones (like your nipples) and leisurely work your way down south before gently touching your pleasure points in your flower pot. Pay attention to how your body reacts to each point of touch and focus on when your breathing picks up. This will clue you in on what your body responds to and will give you something to work off of going forward.
Once you’ve taken your time with that, you can grab a sex toy or continue with your own devices and practice taking yourself to the brink and back with one of the techniques below. Just be mindful of contractions and vibrations—those are usually signals you’ve reached the point of no return and are about to climax.
Divert stimulation right before climax
Also called “the diversion,” this technique works regardless of whether you’re playing solo or with a partner. For masturbation, start slow and change course by stimulating another pleasure point once you’re at the brink of climax. This “diversion” will prevent you from orgasm without stopping stimulation completely, which can be helpful for beginners. Likewise, if you’re edging with a partner, have them stimulate you with their hands, mouth, or a toy and do the same thing and vice versa. For example, if they’re performing oral sex on you and you’re about to finish, have them kiss another erogenous zone on your body.
Similarly, you can also try the start-stop method if you’re feeling bold. With this, you or your partner removes all stimulation for a brief period of time when you’re on the edge of an orgasm before starting back up again.
Pay attention to body language and communicate
It’s easy to get lost in the moment and accidentally let yourself orgasm when you’re experiencing intense pleasure, but knowing the body language signs to look for while edging can help prevent that from happening. While sex isn’t a one-size-fits-all, vulva owners typically feel contractions or spasms right before an orgasm. So, if you experience either of those or deep vibrations, consider those signals that you’ve gone too far and reached the point of no return.
The same goes for partnered sex. If your partner’s making you edge, don’t be afraid to speak up or move them away from your sex organs when you’re on the brink; some might be able to tell when you’re close, and others might not, so taking charge can be helpful for both of you. Likewise, if you’re making them edge, pay attention to their body language. And if you’re unsure what to look for, try talking to them ahead of time about how you can effectively communicate in the bedroom and which signs to look for.
Allow yourself to orgasm
Starting small and working your way up is key, which is why sex educator Erica Smith recommends edging anywhere from one to three times before allowing yourself to orgasm. This number can, of course, change depending on your comfort level. So, if you’re becoming frustrated at the lack of release, take that as a sign to relinquish control and give in; you can always work your way up over time.
That said, letting yourself savor the experience will make it so much more pleasurable. This is why practicing on a day you’re not crunched for time can be helpful because you’ll be able to fully relax into it. Be sure to pay attention to your body’s signals so you can learn your point of no return and avoid tipping over the edge too early during partnered and solo play. When it comes down to it, getting comfortable with and mastering edging takes time. Practice makes perfect, and in this case, that means having more sex, which definitely isn’t a bad thing.
