As far as oral sex positions go, facesitting is a classic. It’s a bold, empowering, and incredibly pleasing position that takes cunnilingus to a whole new level. Facesitting is in no way a new move, but it’s recently taken off in pop culture for more reasons than one. In fact, requests for facesitting pornography have doubled on the female-focused ethical porn website Sssh.com since February, according to its founder and director, Angie Rowntree.
As someone who regularly pulls facesitting from their repertoire during sex, this got me thinking: Why is there so much interest around a tried and true oral sex move? Is there something I don’t know? And am I missing out on ways to make it even better? I tapped Rowntree for her insight. Ahead, everything to know about facesitting, including what it is and why it’s so popular, what to know before trying it, and how to make facesitting even more pleasurable for both the giver and the receiver.
Angie Rowntree
Angie Rowntree is the founder and director of Sssh.com, an award-winning ethical porn website made for women and couples. Rowntree’s female-led and female-focused content pushes boundaries as its purpose is to help women and couples alike explore pleasure that stimulates both the mind and the body. She was inducted into the Adult Video News Hall of Fame and has been profiled by a variety of major media outlets, including ABC’s Nightline, CNBC, Fox, Cosmopolitan, NPR, BBC, and TIME magazine.
What is facesitting?
Facesitting (sometimes referred to as “queening” or “kinging”) is a sexual practice that involves one partner “sitting” on their partner’s face. Traditionally, the giver lies flat on their back while the receiver straddles over the giver’s face and kneels, squats, or stands on either side of their head.
Rowntree explains that you can easily modify the traditional positioning to improve comfort and adaptability. For example, the giver can prop their head up on pillows for support, or the receiver can sit on a sex stool. “Regardless of how you make it happen, it’s a very intimate sex act that allows for maximum oral stimulation, back to front,” Rowntree assures.
Why is facesitting so popular?
It appeals to a variety of intimacy styles
Rowntree says facesitting combines layers of trust, vulnerability, connection, and dominance, making the move feel equally raw, raunchy, and empowering for both the giver and the receiver. In fact, this versatility is what Rowntree says is so appealing to “vanilla” and BDSM couples alike. Very few sex acts can encompass everything from power play to empowerment to deeply affirming intimacy. Since the positioning places the receiver firmly in control, it also exposes them fully to the giver. This type of vulnerability requires deep trust. By the same token, facesitting requires the giver to submit to the receiver, leaving them vulnerable to their partner.
It is adaptable and accessible
Facesitting is designed to provide the receiver with direct and intense sexual stimulation and arousal, orally or otherwise. We love that about it, but arguably the best part about facesitting is that it’s an adaptable and accessible sex act for both partners; The position can be modified in countless ways depending on comfort, mobility, flexibility, energy level, or experience. This makes it approachable for a wide range of bodies and preferences.
READ: 10 Side-Lying Sex Positions for Slower, More Connected Intimacy
Highlighting female pleasure is becoming more common
While some of the renewed interest in facesitting is the result of it being showcased on hit shows like DTF St. Louis on HBO, Rowntree believes it’s “another manifestation of a wider trend toward highlighting female pleasure and oral sex.” Conversations and representations around female pleasure and sexual wellness have become more commonplace in recent years (finally!), so it’s not surprising that there is more demand for it on mainstream porn platforms. Rowntree says members of Sssh.com have recently become more interested in both ultra-romantic and loving scenarios and power exchanges, which just emphasizes its widespread interest.
What to know before trying facesitting with a partner
Communicating consent and limits is non-negotiable
Rowntree explains that “facesitting can get super intense for both the giver and the receiver,” so clearly establishing consent and limits beforehand is non-negotiable. This includes having verbal and non-verbal safewords, like tapping their thigh or forehead three times in succession.
Also, the receiver should never, ever put their full weight on their partner’s face and neck. Sealing off the giver’s nose and mouth completely is extremely dangerous and can make it more difficult for them to breathe—and that’s the last thing anyone wants. “If anything starts to feel off, stop right away,” Rowntree said. “The goal is pleasure, not a trip to the emergency room.”
“Facesitting combines layers of trust, vulnerability, connection, and dominance, making the move feel equally raw, raunchy, and empowering for both the giver and the receiver.”
Stabilization will make facesitting easier and more comfortable
Having the receiver hover over the giver’s face and stabilize themselves will ensure it’s all smooth sailing from the start. They can do this by holding onto a headboard, tilting their upper body backward, and resting their weight on their hands, and so forth. Likewise, they can also try sitting on a sex stool that’s been specifically designed for facesitting. (Yes, those exist!) The stools have built-in openings that give the bottom partner direct access to the receiver’s genitals.
Experimenting with speed, rhythm, and stimulation can enhance the experience
As all things sex-related, exploration and experimentation (with consent, of course) is key, regardless of whether you’re a facesitting novice or pro. In addition to playing around with different oral sex speeds and rhythms, you can also experiment with simultaneous stimulation on other external erogenous zones on the receiver; the giver can incorporate nipple play simultaneously, or they can try using a personal massager on their body themselves. Letting yourselves have fun during the process is ultimately key to maximizing pleasure on both sides.
READ: 8 Oral Sex Techniques That Instantly Increase Pleasure
Engaging in aftercare can make it more enjoyable for both partners
Since facesitting can be intense, Rowntree stresses not skimping on aftercare. “It could be a cuddle, a soak in the tub, or simply rehydrating and sharing a laugh,” she explained. Whatever it is, taking the time to reconnect afterwards will make the experience more memorable and enjoyable for everyone.
How to make facesitting better for the giver and the receiver
1. Try reverse facesitting
Sometimes, spicing up facesitting “can be as simple as changing your position,” according to Rowntree. Facesitting’s versatility allows you to apply its fundamentals to nearly any oral sex position where the receiver stays on top. While there’s a myriad of positioning variations, reverse facesitting spices things up for beginners and experts alike because it alters the angle of oral stimulation and lets the receiver experience new sensations.
Getting into this move is super easy—the receiver just has to turn themselves around so they’re facing the giver’s feet, the same way they would for reverse cowgirl. They’ll be supported by their knees, but they can also lean forward and rest their torso against their partner’s or place their hands on either side of their torso for extra support.
READ: This Oral Sex Method Can Make You Orgasm in Just 3 Minutes
2. Grant the giver control from the bottom
Because facesitting places the receiver in control, handing the power over to the giver and granting them control from the bottom can feel revitalizing. Just make sure it’s clear that the ball is in their court; both parties need to be consenting and aware of this shift. On top of heightening arousal, this is a great way to dabble in light BDSM power play and tap into your kinkier side.
There’s no shortage of ways the giver can take control from the bottom. For example, they can gently move the receiver’s hips so they’re positioned at a different angle or move their thighs inwards or outwards (comfort permitting, of course) to alter the angle of cunnilingus. Likewise, this is also a great opportunity to experiment with edging; the giver can tell their partner they can’t finish until they give them permission to. This permission can be granted verbally or with a non-verbal cue, like tapping their thigh three times.
Looking for more ways to increase satisfaction with your partner? We share how to do that outside of the bedroom too:
- This Date Night Trend Is Helping Couples Have More Fun and Meaningful Dates
- 6 Expert-Backed Ways to Have a Healthier Relationship by the End of the Week
- Couples Who Follow the 2-2-2 Rule Are Proving to Have Happier, Healthier Relationships
3. Use flavored lube and experiment with temperature play
Lube makes every sexual experience better, and Rowntree says using flavored lube can make facesitting spicier. These lubes are specifically formulated to be applied to the genitalia and swallowed safely. They not only taste good but also ignite your sense of taste; heightening your senses during sex can make the encounter more satisfying.
Additionally, experimenting with light temperature play will also take facesitting to a whole new level. Having the giver suck on an ice cube or sex mint beforehand can create a cool sensation during oral sex, while warming up lube before application can create the alternative effect. Safety is, of course, priority here, so temperature testing anything beforehand and using temperature-safe products is key.
4. Incorporate toys
Lastly, Rowntree says bringing toys and vibrators into the equation can help spice up facesitting. The receiver can pleasure themselves simultaneously using a personal massager or bullet vibrator on their external erogenous zones (think: nipples, earlobes, clitoris). The giver can also use a toy on the receiver if they have strong multitasking skills.
Similarly, Rowntree says this is a great opportunity to experiment with oral play plus penetrative play. Exploring anal play is the easiest way to do this since the positioning makes it easy to insert an anal plug, anal beads, or anal vibrator into the receiver’s anus. This will dramatically elevate the experience and even make it easier to orgasm for some women, according to reports. Just be sure to use plenty of lube and start slow.
5. Allow yourself to play and have fun
Ultimately, Rowntree says spicing up facesitting comes down to both partners playing around with whatever excites them and they’re most comfortable with. Pleasure is subjective, after all, and there’s no wrong way to explore what turns you on and the various paths you can take to reach sexual euphoria.
Arianna Reardon, Contributing Writer
Arianna is a freelance writer and journalist, and the self-proclaimed hot and dirty martini queen. At The Everygirl, Arianna uses her authenticity and relatability to empower, inspire, and motivate women everywhere. Whether she’s writing about sex and relationships, career and finance, beauty and fashion, wellness, or home and living, Arianna’s passion shines through in all her work.
