"As an intimacy coordinator, I’m always on the lookout for sex trends. Whether I’m figuring out how to simulate them for work or simply curious about new ways to amp up my own sex life, I’d consider myself pretty in tune with the latest how-to’s. So when I came upon the idea of “shallowing,” I was shocked that I hadn’t heard of it before. This technique is already so prevalent in the sex lives of so many women (mine included), but I didn’t know it had a name.
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After doing a deep dive (pun intended) into the practice of shallowing, I decided it was time to add some terminology to everyone’s toolbox. If you haven’t heard of the term shallowing, consider this your 101 for one of the hottest sex acts to follow foreplay. I’m sharing all the details, including what it is, how to do it, and how to know if it’s right for you.
What is shallowing?
Shallowing may sound pretty self-explanatory, and for the most part, it is. Shallowing is a penetration technique that focuses all the attention on the opening and first few centimeters (up to an inch) of the vagina. Rather than inserting a penis, finger, toy, or tongue as deep as possible, this technique hovers right on the line between not quite outside and not entirely inside, either. If you’re someone who enjoys penetration at all, you’ve likely practiced shallowing without even knowing it—but in the knowing, you gain more control over your pleasure.
Lots of people enjoy penetration in sex, but not everyone enjoys penetration at the same depth. Shallowing can help you discover exactly what that most pleasurable depth is for you—or it can bridge the gap between foreplay and more intense penetration.
What does shallowing feel like?
Sexual pleasure is unique to each person, so just because something works for me doesn’t mean it will work for you, and vice versa. The general consensus amongst those who practice shallowing, however, is that it feels pretty damn good. Ninety percent of nerve endings in the vagina are placed at the opening, making this area somewhat of a gold mine when it comes to sensitivity. Sure, there are plenty of nerves deep inside the vagina, too, but those primarily pick up the sensations surrounding pressure and repetitive motion. The nerves at the opening of the vagina, anatomically known as the vulva and the introitus, are where stroking motions and light touches are felt most intensely.
Many people tend to speed past the opening of the vagina during sex on the way to some perceived destination of penetration, but that does everyone involved a disservice. Shallowing can provide an opportunity for both partners to slow down and ramp up the tension during sex. To me, shallowing is the best way to build anticipation during sex. Not only does it feel amazing on its own, but it keeps me on edge until I decide if and when it’s time to get a little more hot and heavy.
If you’re someone who enjoys penetration at all, you’ve likely practiced shallowing without even knowing it—but in the knowing, you gain more control over your pleasure.
Who should try shallowing?
Any person with a vagina who finds pleasure in insertion play can benefit from trying out shallowing. Maybe you’re someone who doesn’t enjoy deep penetration, or you struggle with painful intercourse due to a medical condition such as PCOS. As someone who has felt the range of emotions from experiencing painful intercourse despite being turned on, shallowing is genuinely a game changer. I’m not down for full or deep penetration every time, and that’s OK. Exploring shallow insertion can open new avenues to intercourse that otherwise cause discomfort or anxiety or may just not be the move on a particular day. Anal shallowing is also on the rise, so if you’re willing to try something new, this technique can help you experiment with different types of penetration.
If your partner has a penis, shallowing can also benefit them. The head of the penis contains 4,000 nerve endings alone, making it one of the most sensitive parts of the genitalia. You can use this technique to tease your partner, discover more about your pleasure, and amp up those toe-curling sensations for both of you while you do it. Shallowing can be done with a partner, solo, with a toy, with a tongue, etc., making it accessible to partners of all gender identities and preferences.
How do you try shallowing?
When experimenting with anything new sexually, make sure to take it at your speed (and your partner’s, if you’re exploring with one). I recommend starting solo and building from there. Masturbation is such an essential tool for discovering your boundaries in the bedroom. Ultimately, shallowing can be an incredibly pleasurable addition to your sexual repertoire, but it’s all about trial and error and finding what’s best for you.
To start exploring solo
The key to any successful solo sexual exploration is to make sure you’re comfortable and in the mood. Flip on your favorite short-form erotica story, press shuffle on a sexy playlist, or explore other ways to find your ideal headspace. Once you’re ready, explore using your fingers or a favorite toy—and don’t forget the lube! If you use a finger, don’t insert past the first knuckle. You can try shallowing on its own, with light thrusting movement, or amp it up with some clitoral or nipple stimulation. As long as it works for you, you can’t go wrong. Check out our list of recommended sex toys for beginners to get a feel for what you might like.
To start exploring with a partner
Whether your partner is using their penis, a strap-on, or a toy, you can try shallowing in nearly every position. Start by using fingers to find the perfect depth. Stopping at the first knuckle is still a good rule of thumb—any deeper and you’re no longer technically shallowing. Adding this technique to oral sex is also a great way to add a little spice to your foreplay session and make your partner’s orgasm that much stronger.
Then, you can move onto the head of the penis or dildo, taking special care to run it up and down over the vaginal opening as if to insert. Teasing this way can build the anticipation of insertion, making that “just the tip” moment even better when it finally comes. From there, small and shallow thrusting movements can bring your partner over the edge—so don’t rush it. Shallowing is a slow-burn technique, and it can genuinely increase the excitement and pleasure of intimacy for all parties involved.
Sydney Cox, Contributing Sex & Relationships Writer
Sydney Cox is a Chicago-based writer and intimacy coordinator who is passionate about exploring the complexities of human connections and teaching readers to advocate for themselves. Sydney’s work has been featured in various publications, where they aim to foster open and honest conversations.