"In the hustle and bustle of your daily grind, work dinners out, trying to balance a mix of reading Sharp Objects and watching Friends reruns so you can actually sleep, following Chrissy Teigen on Twitter, and barely having time to drink your morning coffee in peace, sex doesn’t always feel like a priority. We don’t know how it happened, how watching one more episode on Netflix became more important than being with our partner under the sheets.
And when you do have sex, yeah, we’ve been there. It’s not nearly as fun as it used to be. But there are so many ways to easily change up your routine and make your sex life even better than it was when you first started. Here’s to having better sex tonight — you’re welcome.
1. Try Kegel exercises
If you’ve never heard of Kegels, you are so missing out. Kegels exercise the pelvic floor muscles, which can lead to more intense orgasms, stronger libido, and overall better sex. Finding your pelvic floor muscles by stopping urination midstream. Right there — those are the muscles we’re targeting! There are many different exercises, but the easiest (and least awkward) is to simply tighten your pelvic floor muscles, hold it for five to ten seconds, let it go, and then repeat five times. Do these every day, and in a few weeks, you’ll start to notice all of its amazing benefits.
2. Research and try something new
Do you have fantasies or sexual interests you’ve never discussed before? Now’s your time. Start by researching and deciding if this really is right for you, and then go ahead and ask your partner about it. Here’s how you can talk to your partner about trying something new in the bedroom.
3. Set the mood
There’s something so romantic about a dimly lit room with candles, bed made (even if it’ll be ruined soon!), and soft music playing. It sounds dumb, but it helps our bodies get even more relaxed. I’m going to say this a lot, so just remember: when you’re relaxed and in the moment, sex is bound to be a million times better.
4. Do yoga
Or any workout that makes you feel sexy and relaxed. For me, that’s yoga, but for you, it might be HIIT, running, or pilates. Do something every day that makes you feel good, so you can channel that when you get in the bedroom.
5. Update your foreplay
Foreplay is more than just a precursor to sex. It gets your body excited and ready to enjoy this time with your partner. Try something new, such as an oil massage or playing a fun game. You don’t have to be naked to get excited for sex. Sex is just as much of a mental act as it is physical.
6. Implement gratitude
Your sex life can often be a large indicator of what’s going in your relationship. When you’re happy sexually, it’s pretty plausible that your relationship is, too. So, if your sex is suffering, find ways to improve communication and get closer to your partner. The easiest way to do this is to cultivate gratitude. Thank him or her for the little things, like doing the dishes or cooking even the simplest of weeknight dinners.
7. Build anticipation
You know the feeling when your partner looks amazing, and you think about him or her all night, so by the time you get home, you are beyond ready? Try doing this on purpose every now and then. Get dressed last, and do your hair and makeup just in your bra and underwear.
8. Get out of the bedroom
The last thing we want in our sex lives is too much routine. The easiest way to break that is just simply getting out of the bedroom. You have an entire house or apartment — make use of it! Whether it’s in the shower (the slippery factor is a little difficult, but we believe in you!), the kitchen, the car (all those high school make-out memories), there’s a lot of options to get it on.
9. Use sex toys with your partner
Sex toys don’t just have to be for solo play! Whether you and your partner browse a store (or website!) together (great bonding time) or you pick something up to surprise him or her, there’s something out there for you both. Adding sex toys in your relationship can be a bit intimidating, but if you’re on the same page and don’t think into too much, it can be a great tool (literally) for getting you and your partner out of a rut.
10. Track your sex life
It’s easy to go a few weeks without even touching your partner if you both live very busy lives. Apps like Nice Sex Tracker and Clue (for period tracking) both have options to keep track in a calendar view of your sex life. If your stats dip, you know to start doing some of the other tricks above to boost them up! You can also totally use your planner or regular iCal for this, but you might want to come up with a code (a fun emoji, perhaps?!) if you’re afraid of other people seeing all the days you’ve had sex.
11. Get enough sleep
Lack of sleep impacts the libido a lot. I mean, having sex when you’re exhausted doesn’t even sound fun at all. Yes, we want to have fun, but make sure you’re starting at a reasonable time, so you can have even more fun the next night.
12. Love yourself too
We talk a lot about body image, and it’s for a good reason. Feeling good about yourself improves more areas of your life than just your self-esteem, and it’s bound to improve your sex life significantly. Just think about it. If you could be naked with your partner and feel proud of your body, how much weight and stress that would lift off of your shoulders? It’s amazing, and it’s so underrated. If you need a little help getting there, no fear — we got you.