Whether you’re having sex with your wife, your boyfriend, your girlfriend, your best friend, someone you met on Tinder a week ago, or no one at all, everyone’s sex lives are different. We all have different preferences, opinions, kinks, and fantasies. But one thing we can all agree on is that sex is fun, and following a routine is basically the opposite of that. A fun way to keep the spark alive? Creating a sex bucket list. While a bucket list should be tailored to you (and possibly your partner), we developed a few ideas to get the ball rolling. Add these to your list or see how many of ours you can check off!
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1. Something you never thought you would do but secretly always wanted to try
In an effort to keep this story PG-13 while also giving you all the necessary information to have the best sex life possible, here is where I list all those crazy things you kinda wince at but also do a little “hmmm” at whenever you think about it. Trying those, such as anal sex, group sex, bondage or other BDSM activities, watching porn together, and/or going to a strip club together (go prepared with cash for tips!), is NOT weird. I repeat: sexual activities that are done by a mass amount of people every year aren’t weird. It’s incredibly normal to want to try these things, and that “hmmm” you feel makes you a human with sexual desires. Talk to your partner(s) about them, and go from there.
2. Get a couples massage
Relaxation is a great aphrodisiac if you know what I’m saying. Getting a massage with your partner is a fun and unique way to add a different kind of foreplay to your sex life. The act of going into the room, undressing together, and being in the same space allows your energy and relaxed state to transfer between the two of you. You’ll both go home feeling renewed, and you might just be turned on enough to keep going with each other.
3. Try role-playing
Role-playing can seem intimidating, but if it scares you, there are tons of ways to start small. Try wearing a special lingerie outfit (schoolgirl, police officer, nurse, French maid — typical but very easy to find) to start. From there, you and your partner can create characters together, decide which activities you both enjoy, or even try role-playing in public.
4. Have sex in a new location
You can get as kinky as you want here. Whether it’s at home (sex in the kitchen, in the shower, or on the balcony, for example) or out in public (such as in the car, at a friends’ place, in a pool, or in basically any public bathroom — family size stall recommended), having sex somewhere new is important to change up your routine. Sometimes having sex anywhere but in a bed is exactly what you need.
5. Do something sexy that isn’t sexual
You don’t have to be naked and touching each other to get you or your partner aroused. Do something together that makes you both hot and bothered that doesn’t involve sex. Many couples find that playing games (board games, video games, etc.) are a really arousing activity — there’s something about watching each other get competitive that just revs our engines a little. You could also try cooking, exercising, or working on a project together.
6. Learn to give a massage
Knowing how to give your partner a massage can completely change your foreplay. A massage doesn’t have to be sexual either, but it can absolutely make your partner feel relaxed, at ease, and feel more comfortable in their body. Take a course or look up some informational videos. Practice is also key here — ask your partner what they like and what doesn’t make them feel good.
7. Tell each other your fantasies
Talking to your partner about what you want in the bedroom shouldn’t be scary, but fantasies can sometimes be a little overwhelming to describe. Make it an activity between you and your partner to finally discuss the one (or multiple!) things you always dream (literally or figuratively) about. This isn’t a pact saying you’ll complete them; you and your partner are simply discussing here! Whether this conversation ends in laughs or a waltz to the bedroom, you’ll be happy you both talked about it.
8. Try sex toys with a partner
If you’re looking for an easy way to spice things up with your partner, sex toys are a great option. There are tons made just for use with someone else, but you could also easily use a single-player (lol) toy for use with someone else. You just have to get a little creative!
9. Give yourself an orgasm
Whether you’ve started masturbating or not (how did I not convince you already?!), being able to give yourself an orgasm is no easy feat. It can take a lot of trial and error, as well as relaxation, patience, and self-love to know how to make yourself feel all the things. However, once you have, it’s basically a key to unlocking new fantasies, positions, and techniques you’ll want to try with a partner.
Only ever used sex toys with your partner? It’s OK to use them on your own too, even if you’re in a relationship.
10. Reverse roles
If you’re usually the one on the bottom, try something different, and take the lead this time. It might feel awkward at first, but you might find that you enjoy taking back the control sometimes. Or, on the other hand, you can try being more submissive if you’re usually the dominant one in the bedroom. Changing things up in this way keeps your sex life different and thriving — expecting one thing to happen every time can get very boring after a while.
11. Purchase lingerie
Purchasing lingerie doesn’t have to wait until it’s gifted to you at your bachelorette party. It’s OK to buy lingerie for just yourself or at any time in a relationship. Some women feel confident and sexy in a cute bra and panty set, while others love a teddy or a sheer bodysuit. There are so many options, so why not try them all? Tons of your favorite clothing retailers (Free People, ASOS, Nordstrom, and more) all sell amazing lingerie without having to stress about some weird package freaking out your neighbors.
12. Go to a sex store
Sex shops get a bad rap a lot of the time. They’re seen as weird, gross, uncomfortable, awkward — all the things that would make you never want to set foot in one. However, sex shops are actually an awesome way to get more in tune with your sexuality, whether you go alone, with a friend, or with your partner. The individuals who work in sex stores (usually women, which most people find to be a lot more comforting) are knowledgeable not only in the products they sell but also in techniques, ideas, and issues you may be experiencing in your sex life.
There are tons of sex shops around the country that offer classes and workshops on everything from how to have safe sex, to new techniques to try, to a space to discuss being LGBTQ+ and more. You can also find ones that have LGBTQ+ identifying employees — don’t be afraid to call and ask!