There are so many things I love about missionary sex, so when I hear anyone refer to it as “vanilla” or “basic,” I scream a little internally. There is nothing wrong with being vanilla if that’s what you like, first of all, and things are often basic because they’re good. Missionary sex is one of the most classic and popular sex positions for a reason. It doesn’t only feel incredible, but it allows for eye contact, kissing, closeness, and plenty of opportunities to experiment.
While it might be the most accessible sex position to start with, it’s also the easiest to dress up, if you will. Incorporating small changes, like adding sex toys and trying new angles, can completely change the experience if you’re looking for ways to spice up missionary sex. So, forget what you’ve heard about missionary being boring, because we’re getting into how to make it anything but that. Ahead, a breakdown of what missionary position is, what makes it so sexy, and all the ways to amp up its spice level.
What is the missionary sex position?
In the most straightforward sense, missionary position is typically defined as having the penetrating partner on top of the other partner. The receiving partner lies flat on their back, and the penetrating partner lies over them, facing the receiver. A common misconception is that this position is reserved for heterosexual couples. However, that is not the case. Couples of any partner pairing can try missionary position using strap-ons, toys, anal penetration, or whatever works best for their specific bodies, preferences, and comfort levels.
Missionary has a reputation for being “basic,” but there’s a reason it’s remained one of the most popular sex positions. Because partners are face-to-face, it naturally encourages eye contact, kissing, touching, and communication, making it feel especially intimate for many couples. It can also be easily modified with pillows, different leg positions, or added stimulation, making it far more versatile than it gets credit for.
Whether you’re trying missionary for the first time or looking to make the classic position feel new again, small adjustments can make a big difference. Rather than thinking of missionary as boring, think of it as a foundation that can be customized to fit your bodies, preferences, and the kind of intimacy you’re looking for.
12 ways to spice up missionary sex
1. Add sex toys
Missionary is a toy-friendly sex position—full stop. It allows for a hands-free experience for the receiver, meaning you can add your favorite vibrator or experiment with new toys without having to do any awkward maneuvering. For the easiest access, though, I recommend opting for a wand or a vibrator with a handle. For partners with a penis, cock rings and external vibrators are wonderful additions to face-to-face penetration.
2. Add sensory elements
Sometimes the easiest way to make a familiar position feel fresh has nothing to do with the position itself. Dimming the lights, putting on a playlist, giving each other a massage beforehand, or incorporating a blindfold can heighten anticipation and help you focus on the experience in a new way. Engaging more of your senses, in any way that feels natural and fun for you and your partner, can make missionary feel more pleasurable, immersive, and intimate without requiring a major change.
3. Give attention to erogenous zones
Having sex face-to-face makes it easy to stimulate additional erogenous zones and watch your partner go wild. Want to pleasure your partner with nipple play? Breathe hot air to warm up the nerve endings, then move to sucking or nibbling and biting. Or, move your attention over your partner’s neck and start kissing or licking it or sneaking in a few sensual nibbles on the jawline. Bringing attention to more pleasure points can seriously maximize sensation during penetration for both partners.
4. Try a new angle with pillows
A pillow can completely change how missionary feels. Placing one under the receiving partner’s hips can create a more comfortable angle and add variety without changing positions entirely. It’s a simple adjustment that anyone can make. Plus, it’s a quick addition that can make the position feel more supportive, help you find what feels best for both partners, and encourage a little experimentation with movement and depth.
5. Focus on clitoral stimulation
For many people with vulvas, clitoral stimulation plays a key role in pleasure and, sometimes, is one of the only ways they can reach an orgasm. Missionary can make it easy to incorporate manual stimulation, a small vibrator, or subtle changes in positioning that increase friction, and subsequently, enhance pleasure. Talk with your partner about what feels best, and don’t be afraid to experiment. Sometimes a small adjustment is all it takes to really up the ante, especially in a versatile sex position like missionary.
READ: Women Who Struggle to Orgasm Say These 4 Positions Actually Get the Job Done
6. Experiment with leg positions
Looking for deeper penetration in this position? Raising the legs of the receiving partner allows for a new angle that feels deeper for both people. Their legs can go on the giver’s shoulders or wrap around the giver’s waist. Not only will this allow for deeper access, but it also activates the G-spot of vulva owners for a mind-blowing experience.
7. Try shallowing
For some people, the trick to better missionary sex isn’t necessarily to go deeper—it’s to experiment with shallow penetration. Focusing all the attention on the opening and first few centimeters (up to an inch) of the vagina can change pleasure entirely. This can provide an opportunity for both partners to slow down and ramp up the tension during sex. With added intimate eye contact, it’s hot as hell.
“Rather than thinking of missionary as boring, think of it as a foundation that can be customized to fit your bodies, preferences, and the kind of intimacy you’re looking for.”
8. Add a little kink
If you feel comfortable and interested, exploring kink while in missionary position can be extremely pleasurable for both partners. Be sure to discuss and set personal boundaries and expectations around your fantasies and limits before diving in, as consent is key. If you’re feeling up for it, some light bondage with ties, handcuffs, or silk scarves can heat things up. Relinquishing control to the partner on top, regardless of who that is, can add an extra level of trust and intimacy and appeal to an otherwise standard position.
READ: I Just Realized I’m a “Switch,” And It Took My Sex Life to the Next Level
9. Kiss
One of the easiest ways to add heat to missionary sex is simply to make out! Alicia Sinclair, certified sex educator, certified sexuality coach, and founder of b-Vibe, advises you to make sure you “Go slow and incorporate long, deep kisses” to help you remain present, locked in, and focused on the sensations you’re feeling. This is my favorite tip because kissing is so sensual on its own. Want to go in for a neck kiss, too? With the easy access that missionary sex provides, you absolutely can.
10. Slow down (or speed up)
Sex doesn’t need to happen in one continuous rhythm, so feel free to play with speed and tempo in the bedroom. Long, slow, deep thrusts can be super hot with prolonged eye contact. On the other side of the coin, short, shallow, and quick thrusts can build anticipation and dial up the heat! Vary them, combine them, and most importantly, do what feels best to you!
11. Incorporate dirty talk
Dirty talk can enhance any and every sex position, but it does something extra special for missionary, in my opinion. There is something so undeniably hot about being face-to-face, eye-to-eye, and divulging exactly what you want to do to your partner… and what you want them to do to you. Let them know how you’re feeling, what you’re liking, and what you want more (or less) of! Try whispering, as the soft vibrations against their neck or ear can be a huge turn-on.
12. Prioritize communication
One of the easiest ways to make any sex position feel better is to talk about what you enjoy. Whether it’s asking for a different angle, sharing what feels good, or checking in with your partner throughout, communication can help you feel more connected and comfortable. Missionary naturally creates space for eye contact and conversation, making it a great position for practicing openness and learning more about each other’s preferences.
Best missionary sex variations to try
1. Sideways missionary
Sideways missionary brings intimacy and accessibility into a single, easy angle. The receiver lies on their side as the giver leans over, allowing full-body contact without forcing either partner into uncomfortable positions. From there, hands can roam over arms, hips, or backs, while the natural angle opens up playful possibilities for movement.
2. Pretzel missionary
The receiver sets themselves up in a bottom position for standard missionary, and from there, the receiver leans over, placing their hands on either side of the giver for added intimacy. Then, the receiver wraps their legs around the giver’s back, crossing their ankles to create a playful shape that resembles a pretzel. This slight change in positioning allows the penetrating partner deeper access, enhancing pleasure and providing you with increased internal G-spot stimulation.
READ: The Pretzel Dip Position Is Surprisingly Sexy—Here Are 4 Ways to Try It
3. Butterfly missionary
If you want to incorporate a toy, butterfly missionary makes it even easier to access erogenous zones. To get in position, the giver splays their legs into a traditional butterfly yoga pose, and from there, the giving partner leans in to penetrate from above. This opens up the giver’s hips in a way that feels oh-so-good. Plus, it provides a different sensation for the giver too.
4. Straight leg missionary
Another variation of classic missionary, this position puts the receiver in the standard “legs up the wall” yoga pose, except the giver is the wall. The receiver keeps their legs together and places them on their chest or has the giver hold them up for them. This allows the giving partner to get deep while still being able to access erogenous zones like the clitoris for extra stimulation.
Sydney Cox, Contributing Sex & Relationships Writer
Sydney Cox is a Chicago-based writer and intimacy coordinator who is passionate about exploring the complexities of human connections and teaching readers to advocate for themselves. Sydney’s work has been featured in various publications, where they aim to foster open and honest conversations.
Hailey Tagliarino, Assistant Managing Editor
As Assistant Managing Editor for The Everygirl, Hailey Tagliarino oversees, writes, and edits content across various categories on the site. From the pitching stage through publishing, she works alongside the team to ensure that the content that our readers see every day is inspiring, relatable, and timely.
