"We tend to think of physical intimacy as something that needs to be wild, hot, and heavy, or sweet, delicate, and sensual for it to be worthwhile. A quickie after work or a steamy sesh that feels pulled from the pages of an enemies-to-lovers novel are the erotic, passionate love affairs we dream about often. But it’s all too easy to get caught up in the mundanity of every day or the routine of the act with a long-term partner and find ourselves wondering why our sex lives don’t look like that.
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To encourage the passion (or keep it alive), you need to be playful—meaning you need to lean into the joy and spontaneity of the moment. Sex is supposed to be fun, after all. What’s more, research suggests that couples who are playful together—in and out of the bedroom—have closer and overall more satisfying relationships. Better sex and a better relationship? Sign me up.
Whether your sex life is off the charts already or has gotten a bit boring, there is nothing like adding a little fun to your typical routine for maximum pleasure and intimacy. So, if I’ve convinced you, and you want to add some playfulness to your sex life but don’t know where to start, here are a few playful sex ideas we swear by.
1. Try out aphrodisiacs
Ever heard of sex-enhancing food? An aphrodisiac is any supplement or food that increases sexual desire, behavior, arousal, or pleasure. I’ve always been intrigued by the notion that sexual pleasure could be influenced by what you eat. While there is very little scientific evidence to support specific foods boasting magical bedroom-enhancing properties, there are a few common foods that are said to help you reach maximum arousal and pleasure. For example, honey, truffles, and oysters are said to boost libido, while strawberries, figs, and ginger have been reported to help get you in the mood for intimacy.
No matter how you decide to try these sexy foods, lean into them and have fun. Maybe a candlelit dinner at your favorite fancy spot and a round of oysters for the table? Or try drizzling some honey on your post-dinner ice cream. Better yet, feed it to each other by the spoonful! Even if you find that your chosen aphrodisiacs don’t have a crazy stimulating effect, they set a playful vibe that will get you hot and ready. Whether you’re trying them with a partner or flying solo, make a night of it. Set your intentions, indulge, and you’ll be riding those waves of pleasure in no time.
2. Play a kinky game
A surefire way to add some playfulness into your sex life is to play a sexy card or board game! Games where the objective always ends in pleasure? Count us in. There are plenty of sex games on the market, and I think they’re worth a little investment or personalization. Playing games that take you and your partner through rounds of teasing and explicitly spell out what is about to happen is hot as hell. It also builds anticipation before you go all in.
Try out a few different games and see what feels best to both of you. You can start playing and follow through, or you can begin, head to dinner, and then come back for the main event! Either way, a kinky game will be the perfect conversation and intimacy starter that you’ll reach for again and again.
3. Explore your fantasies
Solo or partnered fantasy exploration can really amp up the playful meter when it comes to sex. There always seems to be a looming embarrassment over expressing sexual fantasies, likely because they happen inside our heads—a totally private experience that we feel naughty sharing. But if you’re looking to add a little playfulness to the bedroom, consider being open and honest with your partner about the kinds of things you’d like to try!
Studies show that there are seven main categories of sexual fantasy, so chances are some of your fantasies will overlap or sound interesting to both of you. And that’s where the real fun comes in! Try a little role play, light bondage, or watch some porn together. See what you like and what feels good to both of you and keep it light! I recommend making a night of it—fully investing in your chosen fantasy and seeing where it takes you! You’re likely in for a night of laughs, and hopefully a lot of pleasure.
4. Be spontaneous
We love a good tussle in the sheets, but the bed isn’t the only place you’re allowed to get passionate. Make purposeful changes like location and the time of day to really up the fun factor. For example, how can you get creative with doggy style during a daytime quickie? Maybe try doing it in the shower or bent over the kitchen table. If you have a few go-to orientations you cycle through on repeat, explore some fun and satisfying sex positions to see what looks interesting (and doable!) If you’re used to having sex or masturbating right before bed, try getting freaky first thing in the morning.
The exact changes you make don’t matter as much as finding what makes things exciting and what gets conversation flowing. Spontaneity can make all the difference between good sex and great sex if you’re willing to get creative and playful with it.
5. Introduce new toys
We all have the vibrator that we swear by. Sometimes, you just can’t beat a good thing. But… sometimes you can. If your toy collection is getting boring, here’s your sign to order the new one you’ve been thinking about! There is nothing wrong with giving yourself options depending on the type of stimulation you’re craving at the moment. Try heading to your local sex shop and picking out one new toy. If you go with a partner, pick one out for each of you to use that night, or make it a surprise by choosing on behalf of each other! This is a fun activity that really makes the lead-up to sex that much more fun!
6. Experiment with desire
While this could be considered a game, “Like this or Like that” involves nothing but your bodies and imagination. Give your partner two choices, and demonstrate each. Do they like a soft stroke or a hard stroke? A sucking sensation on the nipple or more of a bite? Asking your partner to decide between two sensations allows them to clearly communicate what they’re enjoying in real time without the sometimes awkward pressure of interrupting or redirecting.
This improves communication between partners and teaches you what kinds of sensations you’re both down for moving forward. It’s also such a fun and low-pressure way to try out different types of stimulation and bring unexpected items or a little bit of kink into the bedroom. Does your partner prefer the chill of an ice cube on the nape of their neck or the sting of hot wax? With two fully informed and consenting parties, the play options are endless. There is nothing like watching your partner squirm with pleasure at your hand. Get dirty and have fun with it!
Sydney Cox, Contributing Sex & Relationships Writer
Sydney Cox is a Chicago-based writer and intimacy coordinator who is passionate about exploring the complexities of human connections and teaching readers to advocate for themselves. Sydney’s work has been featured in various publications, where they aim to foster open and honest conversations.