"Sure, sex is great and all, but after a while, it can feel like you’re just going through the motions. Because once you know what brings you an orgasm, those moves become your go-to. So, instead of acting out a fantasy or experimenting with sex toys, you’ll do what you always do during foreplay before moving on to your tried-and-true sex positions for the grand finale. While there’s nothing inherently wrong with this (if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it, right?), it can leave your sex life feeling a bit lackluster. This is where tantric sex—the mindful sex technique that can seriously enhance your sex life—comes in to save the day.
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No matter how you feel about your sex life, tantric sex is a practice that can help you unlock and experience pleasure like never before. So, of course, in the spirit of not gatekeeping a single thing, we’re sharing everything you need to know about tantric sex. Ahead, an expert is helping us break down what exactly tantric sex is, the benefits, and how to practice it—solo or partnered.
Angie Rowntree
Angie Rowntree is the founder and director of Sssh.com, an award-winning ethical porn website made for women and couples. Rowntree’s female-led and female-focused content pushes boundaries as its purpose is to help women and couples alike explore pleasure that stimulates both the mind and the body. She was inducted into the Adult Video News Hall of Fame and has been profiled by a variety of major media outlets, including ABC’s Nightline, CNBC, Fox, Cosmopolitan, NPR, BBC, and TIME magazine.
What is tantric sex?
Tantric sex stems from tantra, an ancient Indian practice that focuses on bringing together the spiritual and the physical. When applied to sex, it essentially weaves together spirituality and sexuality. Founder and Director of Sssh.com, Angie Rowntree, explained that this is done using yogic practices like breathwork and mindfulness in the bedroom. “You can think of it as ‘slow sex’ or ‘mindful sex’—but it isn’t just sex,” she told me. Rather, it’s a mindful approach that encourages you to slow things down when it comes time to play. The whole goal behind this is to heighten pleasure and increase intimacy with yourself or someone else.
What are the benefits of tantric sex?
It can promote a healthy body image
Sadly, we’re often our harshest critics, and the way we feel about ourselves can impact our sexual experiences. Tantric sex encourages you to become one with your mind and body, which can be done through full-body exploration. Having your body caressed and explored by yourself or your partner not only fosters a strong mind-body connection and helps you discover every contour and pleasure point, but also opens your eyes to just how special and beautiful you really are. This, in turn, can boost your confidence and make you feel more empowered in the bedroom.
It can increase erotic energy
Sex alone might not be directly tied to love, but it’s still very emotional. And chances are, your previous sexual experiences have shaped the way you feel about it. But since tantric sex is all about mindfulness, it inadvertently forces you to confront whatever subconscious beliefs you might be holding onto, like the belief that masturbating is bad or that women shouldn’t be sexual. Rowntree explained that this emotional release will allow you to let go of sexual baggage, fear, trauma, or inhibitions. When this happens, you’ll be able to fully tap into your erotic energy and experience pleasure on a whole new level.
It can boost intimacy
According to Rowntree, practicing tantra in the bedroom can also take intimacy to new heights. This is because it’s less about connecting through the physical act of sex and more about building a connection through touch. Taking the time to explore will help you discover what you really like and what your pleasure points are, as well as get to know your partner’s preferences. In turn, this can lead to more closeness and satisfaction in the bedroom, whether you’re solo or in it with someone else.
It can support your health
How often do you find yourself drifting away from or not rooted in the present moment? If the number is more than you care to admit, you’re not alone. Staying grounded and present can be hard, but tantric sex helps you become more mindful naturally, both in and outside of the bedroom. And the health benefits of mindfulness are unreal. Not only can it improve your mental health and well-being, but it can also release stress and reduce anxiety.
The more attuned you are to your body and pleasure, the deeper you’ll feel everything.
It can lead to stronger orgasms
Although having an orgasm isn’t the primary goal of tantric sex, Rowntree says lots of people report experiencing intense or multiple climaxes from the practice. The more attuned you are to your body and pleasure, the deeper you’ll feel everything. Plus, taking your time will build anticipation and arousal. All of these factors combined can make that release feel utterly euphoric when the time comes.
How to practice tantric sex—solo or partnered
Start with mindfulness outside of the bedroom
Although you don’t have to be a yogi master to practice tantric sex, mindfulness is still a key element. So, start by engaging in mindfulness practices outside of the bedroom. These practices can be anything from yoga to meditation, journaling, body scans (which involve paying attention to your body’s sensations), breathwork, or a combination of these activities. No matter what you pick, these practices will teach you how to tune into your body outside of the bedroom, which will make it easier to access how your body feels and apply tantra principles inside of it.
Explore pleasure through touch
When it comes time to have tantric sex, begin by exploring pleasure through touch. To do this, Rowntree recommends applying the principles of edging—the method where you bring yourself to the brink of climax and back—to your practice. “If you are masturbating, you might resist the urge to immediately pleasure your ‘tried and tested’ erogenous zones with your fingers or vibrator,” she said. “Instead, you check in with the rest of your body, administering gentle touches and caresses, and focusing on your breath.” This also goes for partnered play. Start by doing a breathwork or meditation practice together or simply maintaining eye contact with your clothes on. Then, undress them and use your hands or toys to explore their body and erogenous zones.
Regardless of whether you’re having solo or partnered sex, exploring pleasure through touch can help you be more present in the moment. And when you’re fully present in the bedroom, you can enjoy both the experience and physical sensations of sex rather than the physical act itself.
When you’re fully present in the bedroom, you can enjoy both the experience and physical sensations of sex rather than the physical act itself.
Engage your senses
Your five senses can not only elicit arousal and desire but also ground you in the present moment. So, find ways to engage your senses of sight, smell, touch, taste, and sound. This might mean lighting a candle, having fun with temperature play, throwing on a sexy playlist, or treating yourself to a chocolate-covered strawberry beforehand. No matter how you’re having sex, romanticizing the act and moment will make it feel more intimate and special.
Luxuriate in the experience
Once you’ve explored pleasure through touch and engaged your senses, you can allow yourself to finally engage in sex. However, while you might be craving release, try your best not to rush your climax. Instead, remain mindful and let yourself fully luxuriate in your pleasure. While there aren’t specific partnered positions for tantric sex, try using ones that promote intimacy, like the lotus or missionary. This will build intimacy and give you an out-of-this-world experience.
Practice and experiment
Rome wasn’t built in a day, so don’t stress if tantric sex is something you can’t master overnight. Instead of throwing in the towel, continue experimenting and exploring this practice by working on mindfulness outside the bedroom and trying new ways to engage. This might mean focusing on your breath differently, maintaining eye contact for a longer period, lighting a different candle, or touching yourself or your partner differently. Likewise, you can also use self-help tantra tools or watch video tutorials (which Rowntree says Sssh.com has) to make this practice easier.
Whatever the case may be, practice makes perfect. So, the more you have tantric sex, the better you’ll become at increasing your connection with yourself and your partner. With enough time, you’ll practically be a yogi master in the bedroom.