The best sex doesn’t just start in the bedroom; it all begins with the build-up. There are plenty of helpful tricks when it comes to spicing up foreplay… but what about everything that happens before that? Maybe you’re someone who brushes your teeth and jumps right into the act (there is nothing wrong with this), but perhaps you’ve been craving a few ways to level up your pre-sex intimacy. This is where a pre-sex ritual comes in.
A pre-sex ritual is a small, intentional way to shift out of your daily routine and into a headspace that feels confident, connected, and ready for intimacy. Adding a special ritual—either alone or with your partner—before things get hot and heavy can ease nerves, heighten arousal, and make the experience feel more present and exciting for everyone involved. When it comes to choosing a ritual, it’s less about creating rules and more about giving yourself space to enjoy what comes next. Ahead, we are sharing eleven pre-sex rituals to try the next time you want to set the mood.
What are pre-sex rituals?
Pre-sex rituals are intentional habits or routines you do before intimacy to help you feel physically comfortable, emotionally connected, or mentally present. They can be practical—like showering, brushing your teeth, or changing into something comfortable—or more relationship-focused, such as flirting, checking in with your partner, cuddling, or setting the mood with music or lighting.
The best pre-sex rituals don’t have to follow a strict routine. They can look different every time, depending on your mood, your energy level, how much time you have, or what you and your partner need in the moment. Some days, a long conversation or massage may help you feel more connected. Other times, a quick kiss in the kitchen, a playful text exchange, or simply taking a few minutes to unwind together can be enough to help you transition into sex.
Rather than treating pre-sex rituals as something to check off on your to-do list, think of them as meaningful, small moments that help you slow down, reconnect, and set the tone for more enjoyable, satisfying, and connected sex.
READ: 10 Ways to Initiate Sex That Aren’t Awkward
Why a pre-sex routine can make sex better
A pre-sex routine can help set the mood for more enjoyable, connected intimacy. Rather than jumping straight into sex, taking a few intentional moments beforehand can build anticipation, reduce any performance anxiety, and make both partners feel more emotionally connected. Whether it’s flirting throughout the day, sharing a long hug, or simply talking about what you’re both in the mood for, these rituals encourage open communication and help strengthen your emotional and physical connection before sex even begins.
Pre-sex rituals can also make it easier to shift out of “work mode” and into a more relaxed, present mindset. When you’re distracted by emails, chores, or the mental load of everyday life, it can be difficult to stay focused during intimacy. Slowing down beforehand gives your mind and body time to catch up, helping you feel more present in the moment. For many people, small routines like showering, skincare, putting on music, or wearing something that makes them feel good can also boost body confidence, making it easier to feel comfortable, desirable, and fully engaged during sex.
What to do before sex: 11 rituals that help you feel your best
1. Light a specific candle
There’s a reason candles are cliché when it comes to setting the mood (hint: it’s because they work). Striking a match and lighting your fave scent can immediately shift your brain out of “day mode” and into something a little more… sensual. I personally recommend using a candle that is strictly dedicated to intimacy, meaning you only light it on date nights, cuddle sessions, or when you’re ready to get down and dirty. Scent is closely tied to memory, so over time, that specific candle might become a cue that your partner (or yourself, for solo play) is ready for a bit of intimacy.
2. Play a sexy playlist
You know that feeling when a song comes on, and you instantly feel hotter? That’s precisely why a pre-sex playlist is an amazing ritual. No matter what genre you choose, go for songs that make you feel irresistible. Choose some songs that align with your zodiac sign if you’re looking for a bit of inspo! Massive bonus if you build the playlist together. The act of curating a list of sexy songs can become part of the ritual itself, which can turn into a striptease, a steamy makeout, or whatever your heart desires!
“Think of [pre-sex rituals] as meaningful, small moments that help you slow down, reconnect, and set the tone for more enjoyable, satisfying, and connected sex.”
A sex menu is a list of sex acts you’d like to explore with a partner. Think of it like ordering at a restaurant: you have your appetizers—things like cuddling, sexting, or a slow massage, followed by the main course—oral sex, penetration, or whatever else you’re both craving at the time. Make sure you choose an aftercare ritual for dessert, like showering together, cuddling, or just crashing into a nap. Make it a pre-sex ritual to go through the list with your partner and decide what you’re feeling. This keeps communication open and keeps you both anticipating what’s to come all night long.
4. Set an intention
Before sex, try jotting down a thought, a craving, or even one word that captures what you want. Maybe it’s pleasure, wildness, or surrender. It doesn’t need to be polished or deep. Just make it something that turns your attention toward desire. Maybe it comes out as a poem, a list of words, or even a whole journal entry. Putting what you want in writing heightens anticipation and helps you enter intimacy with more focus and play. Journaling is a simple way to say “yes” to curiosity and invite your body to follow what you need in the moment.
5. “Scent up” your bedding
Add a few sprays of your favorite perfume or essential oil to your bed sheets to make the entire space feel electric. It’s not just about having soft bedding—it’s about creating an atmosphere that amplifies intimacy. Scents like rose, sandalwood, jasmine, and vanilla are proven to have aphrodisiac properties and may give you and your partner that extra dose of arousal to keep things spicy. Adding some peppermint or lavender to the mix can help you wind down after sex, too!
6. Hydrate with a special drink
Hydration might not sound sexy initially, but it makes a real difference. When your body is hydrated, your senses are sharper—especially taste (saliva plays a big role in how flavors come through). Drink a glass of water, fruit juice, or a special cocktail—I recommend a magnesium mocktail for extra relaxation. Pair that with something playful like strawberries, citrus, or chocolate within reach, and suddenly a sip or bite becomes part of the foreplay. It’s a small indulgence that fuels your body and gets you slowly into the mood.
7. Explore erotic content
Mindset is everything when it comes to sex, and sometimes your brain needs a little warm-up, too. Build in some time to listen to audio erotica, scroll through a steamy short story, or watch some porn. Making this a regular pre-sex ritual can awaken your imagination before any clothes ever come off. Whether you’re solo or with a partner, engaging your mind this way can make the whole experience feel even more electric from the jump.
8. Take an everything shower
Taking some extra time for an everything shower can be a reset button for your body and mind. Really indulge—exfoliate, shave, lather up with your favorite body wash, and add a hair mask or scrub to make your skin glow. The steam, the scents, and the ritual itself all work together to help you feel fresh, confident, and entirely in your body. Taking an everything shower after sex is also a great way to practice self-care and come back into yourself.
9. Do something that makes you feel confident
Confidence is one of the sexiest things you can bring into the bedroom, and it’s something you can cultivate before intimacy even begins. The key is doing it for yourself—not for your partner. Spritz on your favorite perfume, swipe on some lipstick, go through your skincare routine, slip into your coziest robe, or put on a song that makes you feel like the main character. Whatever helps you feel attractive, grounded, or a little more like you is worth making a part of a pre-sex ritual. The goal is to feel comfortable and confident in your own body before sharing it with someone else.
10. Have a quick desire check-in
One of the simplest ways to have better sex is to talk about it before it happens. A quick desire check-in doesn’t have to be serious or awkward—it can be playful, flirty, and take less than a minute. Try asking questions like, “What sounds good tonight?” “Do we want slow, romantic, or adventurous, playful sex?” or “Is there anything off-limits today?” These small conversations help set expectations, encourage positive consent, and make it easier for both partners to relax knowing you’re on the same page.
11. Take a few deep breaths or stretch
If you’ve been sitting at a desk all day or racing from one responsibility to the next, your body might still be holding onto that tension. Spending just a few minutes taking slow, deep breaths or doing some stretches can help you reconnect with your body before sex. This can be especially helpful if you tend to carry stress in your hips, lower back, or pelvic floor. Think of it as a transition ritual—a way to release the day, become more present, and prepare your body for pleasure instead of expecting it to switch gears instantly.
What you don’t have to worry about before sex
When it comes to creating a pre-sex routine, it’s easy to get caught up in the idea that you have to check a bunch of boxes before you’re “ready.” The truth is, the best sex usually isn’t about looking perfect or creating a flawless experience—it’s about feeling comfortable, connected, and truly present. If a certain ritual genuinely makes you feel good, go for it. But if you’re only doing it because you think you’re supposed to, it might be worth asking yourself whether it’s actually serving you.
You don’t have to shave or wax unless it makes you feel more confident. You don’t need to wear lingerie if you’d rather be in your favorite oversized T-shirt—or nothing at all. Your bedroom doesn’t have to look like a Pinterest photoshoot, and there will probably be laundry on a chair somewhere in your room. More than anything, you don’t have to chase some impossible version of “perfect.” Your partner is far more likely to notice your confidence, enthusiasm, and presence than whether your sheets are wrinkle-free or your legs are freshly shaved. Feeling safe, desired, and able to enjoy yourself will always matter more than anything else.
READ: Revealed: 5 Barriers Preventing Thousands of Women From Having Fulfilling Sex Lives
Sydney Cox, Contributing Writer
Sydney Cox is a Chicago-based writer and intimacy coordinator who is passionate about exploring the complexities of human connections and teaching readers to advocate for themselves. Sydney’s work has been featured in various publications, where they aim to foster open and honest conversations.
Jenna Piotrowicz, Former Editorial Assistant
As a former Editorial Assistant for The Everygirl, Jenna assisted the team with content creation. She sourced products and images and worked behind the scenes to support The Everygirl in uploading and updating content.
