For the past few years, I’ve felt inundated with people telling me to embrace my “healing journey” when it comes to dating and relationships. Every conversation has come with the same breakup advice: protect my peace and get comfortable being alone. While there’s value in all of that, it doesn’t make moving on from a relationship any easier, especially when you’re grieving a relationship that never officially existed. Situationships bring their own set of complications that make healing from them even harder than your average breakup. I’ve wondered how to get over a situationship, why they hurt so much, and how to move forward until my head was literally spinning and I couldn’t sleep. Most recently, instead of trying to navigate it on my own, I looked to a Licensed Psychotherapist and expert in relationship patterns, Adrine Davtyan, to answer all my questions.
If you’re stuck overanalyzing the dynamic of your situationship or driving yourself crazy with the “what ifs,” you’re not alone. To save you from more heartache and sleepless nights over your ex-situationship, I’m sharing what Davtyan taught me about situationship breakups. Ahead, she explains why situationships can be so hard to get over and shares practical, healthy ways to let go.
Adrine Davtyan, Licensed Psychotherapist
Adrine has been working in the field of psychology since 2010, helping clients’ overcome various hardships and traumas. She specializes and works with individuals, couples and families looking to address relationship issues, trauma, PTSD, attachment issues, anxiety, self-esteem, life stressors, and anxiety. Her approach is supportive, nonjudgemental, reflective, collaborative and trauma-informed.
Why are situationships so hard to get over?
Let’s get the obvious out of the way: Just because a relationship didn’t have a true label doesn’t mean it wasn’t emotionally significant. “A relationship that never becomes official can absolutely impact someone’s mental health and self-image,” confirms Davtyan. She explains that the uncertainty and ambiguity of these relationships can lead to emotional distress, including feelings of anxiety, inadequacy, and insecurity. These effects can last a long time, which makes it difficult to emotionally recover from a situationship, no matter your dynamic.
Not to mention, part of what makes moving on from a situationship so difficult is that you’re often grieving more than the person—you’re also grieving the future you imagined with them. Without a clear beginning or ending, it’s easy to hold onto the “what ifs” and the potential of what the relationship could have become. So even without an official label, emotional attachment can be just as deep, making the loss feel every bit as real as the end of a committed relationship.
It doesn’t help that situationships rarely offer the kind of closure that traditional breakups usually do. Without a defining conversation or mutual understanding, you’re left to fill in the blanks on your own. And because your friends and family may not fully recognize the significance of the relationship, you may also feel like your grief is minimized or hard to explain, which can significantly impact your ability to move forward.
How to get over a situationship
1. Create emotional distance
Just like the end of an official relationship, getting over a situationship starts with creating space. Depending on the circumstances, that may mean unfollowing them on social media, going no-contact, or avoiding unnecessary conversations. If you have to see them regularly because of mutual friends or work, focus on creating emotional distance instead. “In some cases, maintaining limited or distant contact with the person might be possible without hindering your healing process,” Davtyan says. Setting clear boundaries and reducing emotional vulnerability can give you the mental space you need to begin moving forward.
2. Accept that closure may never come
One of the hardest parts of ending a situationship is that there often isn’t a defining breakup conversation. Instead of getting answers, you’re left wondering what happened or replaying every interaction in your head. While it’s natural to want closure, waiting for the other person to provide it can keep you emotionally stuck. Accepting that you may never get all the answers allows you to shift your focus from understanding the past to healing in the present.
“Healing from a situationship requires separating the relationship you actually experienced from the one you hoped it would become.”
3. Acknowledge the relationship for what it was
It’s easy to minimize your feelings because the relationship never had an official title. But emotional investment doesn’t depend on labels. According to Davtyan, allowing yourself to grieve what may have been a meaningful emotional connection is an important part of moving forward after a breakup. “Start with the acknowledgment that the relationship, despite the lack of commitment, provided an opportunity for self-discovery and reflection,” she says. Permitting yourself to recognize that the relationship mattered—even if it never became official—helps validate your emotions instead of dismissing them.
4. Stop romanticizing what could have been
When a situationship ends, you’re left with the future you imagined and the reality that it’ll never be a reality. When it feels like there was seemingly so much potential, it’s easy to replay the best moments or convince yourself that things would have worked out if something would have been different. But healing from a situationship requires separating the relationship you actually experienced from the one you hoped it would become. Letting go of the fantasy doesn’t invalidate your feelings. Instead, it simply allows you to see the relationship more clearly and move forward with greater peace.
5. Be patient with yourself
We’ve all had conversations about how long it takes to get over an ex, but the reality is that healing isn’t linear. “There is no black-and-white blueprint to how long it takes to get over someone, regardless of what the relationship was or was not,” Davtyan says. So, don’t compare your healing timeline to someone else’s. “[Having patience] enables you to understand and accept the complexity of your feelings, allowing you to grieve, reflect, and learn from the experience,” she explains.
6. Spend more time with supportive friends
Because situationships often go unrecognized by others, it’s common to feel like you’re grieving alone. Spending time with friends and family who make you feel supported can remind you that your relationships extend far beyond just one person. Whether it’s making weekend plans, hosting a girls’ night, talking through your feelings with someone you trust, or simply enjoying a friend’s company, leaning on your support system can help you feel more grounded as you heal.
7. Focus on what makes you happy
Healing doesn’t mean you have to ignore your emotions, but you can make room for joy alongside them. If you find yourself spiraling, try doing something that genuinely makes you feel good, whether that’s taking a walk, picking up an old (or a new!) hobby, ordering your favorite takeout, or planning a trip to look forward to. Reconnecting with the parts of your life that exist outside of dating helps remind you that your happiness isn’t defined by one relationship.
“With time, a listening ear, healthy boundaries, and self-compassion, you’ll find your way back to yourself.”
8. Think about what you learned
Once you’ve had time to process the loss, reflect on what the experience taught you. “There are several factors to consider when it comes to having strong feelings for someone you are not officially dating,” says Davtyan. “Having these feelings could reveal your ability to appreciate and recognize desirable qualities in others, as well as your willingness to invest emotionally in relationships.” Whether you learned more about your attachment style, your communication needs, or the kind of relationship you truly want, every experience offers insight that can help you build healthier connections in the future.
9. Reconnect with yourself
Eventually, your energy shifts from getting over someone to investing in yourself. Davtyan recommends prioritizing self-care through personal growth, hobbies, supportive relationships, and self-compassion. This is your opportunity to learn your self-love language, rediscover what excites you, strengthen your confidence, and make space for new experiences and healthier relationships.
10. Remember you’re not alone
Getting over a situationship can feel isolating because the relationship may not have looked significant from the outside. This can make it harder to talk about or conceptualize with other people. The truth is, more people understand your situation than you might think. Whether you need someone who can relate or just someone who is willing to listen to you work through your feelings, know you’re not alone. Reach out to a friend or a licensed expert who can help you move on from a situationship. With time, a listening ear, healthy boundaries, and self-compassion, you’ll find your way back to yourself.
Frequently asked questions about getting over a situationship
Can a situationship hurt more than a relationship?
Yes. Situationships can hurt more than a relationship. They are often harder to move on from because they end without clear closure, leaving you to grieve both the person and the future you imagined together. The uncertainty and unanswered questions can make it difficult to really process the loss.
Why do situationships feel so addictive?
Situationships typically involve uncertainty, inconsistency, and hope for what the relationship could become, which can make them difficult to let go of. The lack of clear answers may keep you replaying conversations or imagining different outcomes, making it harder to detach from them emotionally.
How long does it take to get over a situationship?
There’s no set timeline to get over someone you never dated. How long it takes depends on factors like the depth of your emotional attachment, how the relationship ended, and whether you’ve been able to create healthy distance and process your feelings. Healing isn’t linear, so try not to compare your experience to someone else’s or put yourself on an unrealistic timeline for healing.
Should I stay friends with someone after a situationship?
It depends on whether staying friends supports or delays your healing. If seeing or talking to the person keeps you emotionally invested or prevents you from moving on, taking space is usually the healthier choice. A friendship may be possible later on, but it’s important to prioritize your emotional well-being first.
Is it normal to grieve a situationship?
Absolutely! You don’t need an official relationship label for your feelings to be real. If you formed a meaningful connection, it’s completely normal to grieve its ending, even if the relationship never became exclusive or clearly defined.
What if I still want them back?
Wanting someone back after a situationship is definitely common, especially if you feel like the relationship ended before it had a chance to fully develop. Give yourself time to separate your feelings for the person from your hopes for what the relationship could have been. As you gain distance, it becomes easier to see if you’re missing the reality of the relationship.
Emma Ginsberg, Former Associate Editor & Podcast Assistant
Emma is a writer, editor, and podcast producer who created at The Everygirl beginning in 2021. She wrote for all sections on the site, edited the Entertainment and Community sections, and helped produce The Everygirl Podcast. You can listen to her with podcast host Josie Santi on the intros of The Everygirl Podcast and read her articles across the site.
Jenna Piotrowicz, Former Editorial Assistant
As a former Editorial Assistant for The Everygirl, Jenna assisted the team with content creation. She sourced products and images and worked behind the scenes to support The Everygirl in uploading and updating content.
