Over the years, my idea of a perfect date has changed significantly. I used to want to be wined and dined at a downtown Chicago steakhouse where the bill totaled over $300. Or get picked up in a Mercedes-Benz and showered with roses. Or wear a little black dress with sky-high heels and mutter “Oh, this old thing?” when complimented on it. Now? I want to be at home in my pajamas, and I want my suitor to bring me some wine and a bunch of Trader Joe’s dips.
While my idea of a good time has changed a bit over the years, my everlasting love for a good, hearty dip has remained. There’s simply nothing better to complement my go-to box of crackers or my beloved bag of kettle-cooked chips. But if you’ve ever stared in awe at the impressive (and near-overwhelming) selection of dips that Trader Joe’s has to offer, I’ve got you covered. I headed to my local TJ’s and stocked up on every dip I could find to put them to the test.
The Best Trader Joe’s Dips, Ranked
After trying 17 Trader Joe’s dips, here’s my ranking from worst to best.
17. Dill Pickle Hummus
While I may have disliked this dill pickle-infused hummus the most of all that I trialed, I simply can’t be upset with it. For what it is (dill pickle hummus), it absolutely made good on its promise. And I, an upstanding citizen who enjoys a crunchy pickle every once in a while, can respect that. It’s like ignoring the red flags and the “I’m not looking for a relationship” disclaimer of your favorite f*ckboy. I saw the signs (dill pickle hummus) and I wasn’t surprised when I got ghosted. But despite that upfront honesty and solid delivery, I didn’t enjoy it as much as I’d hoped.
16. Romesco Dip
This dip didn’t make me want to frisbee it out of the fifth-floor window of my apartment building, but it wasn’t great either. I expected this Spanish-inspired dip (which is made with red peppers, tomatoes, and crushed almonds) to sweep me off of my feet, but instead, it sent me a “u up?” text at 2 a.m. Though I’ll give credit to the slight kick of spice at the end, I was widely disinterested in it.
15. Chunky Guacamole
As someone who snoozes her alarm eight times before actually waking up in the morning, skips the gym more than she makes it to the gym, and treats herself to a $350 Sephora trip once a month, I carry a lot of guilt. So, yes, I was stoked to lay eyes on this reduced-guilt guac. Not that I ever actually feel guilty when eating guac, but in light of my other less redeeming qualities, I’ll take any help I can get. Made with Greek yogurt, this dip boasts less fat and fewer calories than your average guac, if you’re into that sort of thing. But overall, it was fine. It didn’t make me want to do backflips, but I give it points for being fresh-tasting, creamy, and almost guacamole. But to call it guacamole is an affront to traditional, hearty guacamole everywhere. And for that, I welcome the guilt.
14. Everything but the Bagel Greek-Style Yogurt Dip
If we’ve ever crossed paths, you know that my Everything but the Bagel Seasoning and I are inseparable. My EBTBS jar is like an old friend or a beloved comfort show. It brings me joy, consistency, and a sense of familiarity. So when I saw that my favorite seasoning gave birth to this Greek-style yogurt dip, I grabbed it faster than an overbearing aunt could say, “Are you ever going to get married?” And while I’ll go as far as to say that this dip was actually not too shabby, I found myself wanting to reach for my trusty jar of seasoning to add more flavor. It didn’t blow me away, but I’m not writing it off just yet.
13. Spicy Hummus Dip
The spicy hummus dip is like that one average date you went on three years ago that you’ve almost completely wiped from your hard drive. I didn’t hate this Spicy Hummus Dip. In fact, I may have actually had a decent time. But the problem is that I don’t remember much of it, and for something to be labeled as spicy but also not stand out is a concept that I just can’t wrap my brain around. It boasted mild to medium heat, but if you’re looking for something truly spicy, look elsewhere.
12. Tomato & Basil Hummus Dip
OK, bear with me here. This Tomato & Basil Hummus Dip performed really well on its own as a tomato and basil dip that just so happened to have a trace of hummus in it. On those grounds, I call it pretty darn good. But if I picture it as hummus with traces of tomato and basil, I kind of deem it not as good. If you’re still following me, let’s be friends. If you don’t, I completely understand. 12th place. Moving on.
11. Chocolate Hummus
I was all over the map when rating this chocolate, dessert-like hummus amongst a plethora of non-dessert dips. Trader Joe’s Chocolate Hummus is truly one of a kind and has a lot of hype behind it for good reason. This non-dairy chickpea-tahini combo with a generous amount of cocoa powder is smooth and subtly sweet. I can’t say that it took my breath away (probably because I ate it with a kettle-cooked chip as opposed to using a pretzel or an apple as a dipping vessel), but I will say: I’m with the believers on this one.
10. Horseradish Hummus
I consider myself and this Horseradish Hummus to be star-crossed lovers. In fact, before I picked it up for this taste test, I deemed us to be sworn enemies. With the exception of an occasional shrimp cocktail, I wouldn’t label myself to be a fan of horseradish. But as all classic enemies-turned-lovers rom-coms go, I ate my words and found a love I wasn’t even looking for. It was tangy yet complementary—I’d even go as far as saying delightful. Maybe even charming enough to meet my parents.
9. Everything and the Elote Greek Style Yogurt Dip
You’ve heard of Everything but the Elote (seasoning), but have you heard of Everything and the Elote? This dip adds the missing corn aspect of its sister seasoning, and let me tell you: It made all of the right moves. It’s boldly flavored with garlic, parm, and chipotle pepper powder and features kernels of sweet yellow corn. It pairs perfectly with tortilla chips and veggies and was a strong contender amongst the rest of the competition.
8. Garlic Spread Dip
If your idea of heaven is a fluffy cloud of garlic, look no further than Trader Joe’s Garlic Spread Dip. If you see me eating this stuff by the spoonful, respectfully, no you didn’t. Even given the consequences of feeling like a fire-breathing dragon post-consumption, I would still choose this garlic dip every time. I tried it with naan bread and would sell my soul to Satan for that alone, but I’ve heard through the grapevine that cooking with this dip can take your mashed potatoes from the first Twilight-level production to Breaking Dawn Part 2 presentation in no time flat.
7. Artichoke & Jalapeno Dip
When I got the concerned look from the Trader Joe’s employee who scanned my dozen-plus dips, I word-vomited my intentions to try and rank all of them to assure him (and myself) that I wasn’t certifiably unwell. He laughed with relief, looked me dead in the eyes, and pointed sternly at this Artichoke & Jalapeño Dip. “This is the one,” he declared confidently as if he were scanning a lineup of briefcase-stealing suspects. And when a TJ’s employee gives me a recommendation, I take it more seriously than advice from my mother. And the guy was not wrong. This stuff hit the spot. The texture alone was reason enough to get it again, but the jalapeño flavor truly sent it home.
6. Roasted Garlic Hummus
All of the things that have happened to me in life fall into one of two categories: B.R.G.H. (Before Roasted Garlic Hummus) or A.R.G.H. (After Roasted Garlic Hummus). Once I discovered this creamy, garlicky hummus, I unknowingly became a better person. I said “good day,” to strangers on the street, I didn’t punt my cat across the room when she chewed through the cord of my laptop charger, and I even said “thank you so much” to an automated robot voice when confirming that my Walgreens prescription was ready for pickup. This hummus has had my back for years, and I always have at least two in my fridge at a time. Pair with naan and balsamic drizzle for the late-night snack you’ll turn to time after time.
5. Green Goddess Dip
I’ll admit that I didn’t expect to like Trader Joe’s Green Goddess dip as much as I did. I’ve had the sister dressing on salad before and I was largely unimpressed. But since tasting this dip with an assortment of veggies, I can’t help but wonder if the Green Goddess dressing wasn’t the problem. Maybe, just maybe, my personal vendetta against salads is the root of my issue. Packed with garlic, parsley, and basil, this herby dip is light, fresh, and the perfect pairing for any veggies you’re trying to trick yourself into eating.
4. Pimento Cheese Dip
As a cheese enthusiast, it hurts my soul (and my credibility) to admit that I’ve never had any sort of pimento cheese dip before. So when I picked up this Trader Joe’s rendition, I truly didn’t know what to expect. I don’t know how exactly this would perform in direct comparison with other cheese dips of its kind, but I must say I freakin’ loved this stuff. My dip-to-cracker ratio was already excessive, but at one point, I considered ditching the cracker and subbing in a spoon.
3. Sour Cream Spinach Dip
If you took Trader Joe’s spinach dip and served it to me in a slightly fancier bowl from a five-star restaurant, I wouldn’t ask a single question. In short, if this dip told me that the sky was green, I would believe it. If this spinach dip cut me off in traffic without using a turn signal, I would wholeheartedly allow it. The texture and taste of this stuff took me to another dimension, where Lizzo is my best friend and John B. is my boyfriend. If you need to pick up a solid dip that will leave your guests begging for your “homemade recipe,” this is it.
2. Bruschetta Sauce
Ordering bruschetta for the table at an Italian restaurant is one of my strongest personality traits. There’s something about it that simultaneously feels like home and a fancy night out, and so when I spotted Trader Joe’s Bruschetta Dip (which can double as a sauce), I did a double-take. And when I heated it up and lapped it onto a toasted crostini, I gasped. This dip/sauce extravaganza is a foolproof way to elevate an at-home date night or complement a night of binge-watching Love Island (U.K.) at home by your lonesome.
1. Caramelized Onion Dip
If you think I’ll ever not have one of these in my fridge at all times, you simply don’t know the power that Trader Joe’s caramelized dip holds. With one deep dive of a kettle-cooked chip into the whipped caramelized onion goodness, I was hooked. I could as easily eat this entire tub in one sitting as I could fall into a gentle slumber on the beach after two margaritas. She’s decadent, she’s lovely, and she’ll put the card down for the entire table after a night of drinks and casually say, “Don’t worry about it.” She has your back. And she’ll be a permanent mainstay in my Trader Joe’s dips rotation until the end of time.