"When I’m feeling distractedly frisky, and my partner isn’t around to help alleviate the hot and bothered sensations, like many people, I bust out one of my trusty vibrators and get to work solo. If I’m particularly eager to satisfy myself, I usually just get right down to it, letting my imagination and sex toy lead me to orgasm. But if I’m trying to build up the moment a little more, I’ll peruse some porn while using a vibrating device. I never really have a long, drawn-out session—I typically focus on finishing fairy quickly. An orgasm is the goal of masturbation after all, right? Well, when it comes to guided masturbation, maybe not.
Run, don't walk.
You’ve probably heard of guided meditation, and guided masturbation is essentially the same thing, but obviously for masturbating. While the goal of self-pleasure is typically having an orgasm, achieving the release of climax isn’t the entire point of guided masturbation. The slower, more intentional, and mindful practice promises to deepen your connection to your body and enhance pleasure. Sounds great, right? Curious how the practice could change my usual self-pleasure experience, I tried it myself. Wondering if you should try it yourself? Here’s everything you need to know about guided masturbation, along with what happened when I tried it myself and how to make it worthwhile next time you’re solo.
Dr. Jennifer Gunsaullus, PhD
Jennifer Gunsaullus, PhD, is a Sociologist and the author of From Madness to Mindfulness: Reinventing Sex for Women. Dr. Jenn has had a private practice as an intimacy and relationship coach for the past 15 years. She is an international speaker about couples’ desire, sexual consent, healthy relationships, body image, erotic play, effective communication, women’s empowerment, and mindful intimacy.
What is guided masturbation?
Guided masturbation has actually been around for a while, it’s just been branded toward men—yet another thing to thank the patriarchy for. A lot of porn sites have a category called “jerk off instruction,” or JOI, which is clearly geared toward male pleasure. The broader category of guided masturbation encapsulates a variety of erotic audio, including spicy narrated stories, immersive dirty talk, and self-pleasure coaching sessions.
There are a lot of benefits to regularly masturbating, and while those mental and physical health perks apply to guided masturbation, there are a few unique benefits to listening to and following erotic self-pleasure instructions. Sexologist Dr. Jennifer Gunsaullus, PhD, explains, “Guided masturbation offers a more intentional and mindful experience. It involves verbal or audio prompts that guide a person through a self-pleasure practice, encouraging a deeper connection to their body and sensations. It’s about slowing down, becoming more aware of each moment, and removing any self-judgment or shame, which is often not the focus during ‘regular’ masturbation.” Guided masturbation offers a unique meditative experience that allows you to connect more deeply with your body and pleasure to foster a healthier overall sex life.
How guided masturbation can benefit your sex life
It fosters a healthier, more present mindset
Did you know some studies have proven people who meditate have a higher chance of being sexually aroused? It all comes down to meditation boosting mind-body connection and overall mood. The same concept applies to guided masturbation. Self-pleasure coaching helps people be more present and less anxious during masturbation and partnered play, which encourages a healthy overall sex life. “It encourages mindfulness and self-compassion, allowing you to explore your body in a more intentional and relaxed way,” Gunsaullus shares. She adds, “It could lead to increased confidence, sexual self-awareness, and improved emotional well-being.” The big takeaway is that guided masturbation empowers you to explore your body and discover your pleasure in a comfortable, safe setting.
“Guided masturbation offers a unique meditative experience that allows you to connect more deeply with your body and pleasure to foster a healthier overall sex life.”
It provides a safe space for exploration
In addition to fostering the right mindset for self-pleasure and sex in general, guided masturbation fills in gaps left by subpar sex education programs in the U.S., allowing people to explore and learn in a private and safe space. Figuring out what feels good—and what doesn’t—is important not only for pleasing yourself but for enjoying sex with partners as well. If you’re comfortable with masturbation and know what feels pleasurable for your body, you’ll be less anxious when getting intimate and communicating your preferences with others.
It offers a different experience
Even if you’re totally comfortable with self-pleasure, guided masturbation can spice up your routine. There are a lot of ways to practice guided masturbation, from using your hands or sex toys to listening to immersive dirty talk or self-pleasure coaching. You can even listen to guided masturbation with a partner as foreplay—being at the receiving end of erotic instruction and following along as your partner watches (or follows along as well) could be a unique, satisfying, and super hot experience.
It can enhance intimacy between partners
Gunsaullus agrees that guided masturbation can be just as great for couples as it is for individuals. “While guided masturbation is generally a solo experience, the benefits can definitely enhance intimacy between couples,” she says. “When you understand your own pleasure better, you’re able to communicate that more clearly, which can lead to stronger, more fulfilling connections with a partner. Some couples may even find value in sharing the experience as a way to spark intimate conversations or to explore mutual desires,” she says.
“If you’re comfortable with masturbation and know what feels pleasurable for your body, you’ll be less anxious when getting intimate and communicating your preferences with others.”
Additionally, guided masturbation could even be super spicy for couples, especially those who are in long-term relationships. If the fantasy of a threesome is appealing, but you don’t actually want to open your relationship to another person, listening to immersive dirty talk and erotic instruction with your partner could be an excellent alternative.
What happened when I tried guided masturbation
As a classic Type A personality, I wanted to do a little research on guided masturbation before diving in. After reading a few articles about the self-pleasure practice and what to expect, I downloaded two highly-rated apps—Dipsea and OhCleo. I headed to my bedroom, rounded up an assortment of my favorite sex toys (a lady likes to have options), and settled down on my bed, a little nervous but open to where the experience was going to take me.
Starting with OhCleo, I settled on a “dirty talk” track, but after listening to about a quarter of the audio clip, I decided it was a little too BDSM for my liking (though if that’s your kink, eat it up!) and pivoted to Dipsea. I ended up listening to two tracks, the first being a short immersive narration that involved being eaten out in a snowed-in cabin. Of course, I paired it with my tongue vibrator to lean into the theme, and while it was hot, I didn’t feel connected to the experience—which surprised me because I love smut, but to be fair, I’m not an audiobook girlie. It felt like I was being plopped into the middle of a steamy romance book without any context or connection to what was going on. Hot, but not wholly effective for me personally.
Determined to give guided masturbation a fair shot, I pivoted again. Staying on Dipsea, I sought out a true guided masturbation track focused on edging. A soothing male narrator began the short track by explaining the benefits of edging and how to relax and embrace the experience, and I already felt more in tune with this style of the audio clip. I was more able to focus on myself and my body rather than trying to get into the mindset of playing a role in a story.
The narrator led me through exactly how and where to touch myself, as well as whether I should use my hands or my vibrator. Every instruction was gentle, encouraging, and explanatory. I could definitely feel the sensations building, and after three cycles of edging, the narrator coaxed me to keep going until I climaxed—which I did, pretty spectacularly.
“Listening to a coach inform you of how to please yourself and encourage you to do so in a safe space could be extremely liberating and empowering.”
So, will guided masturbation enhance your sex life?
I’m admittedly pretty comfortable with self-pleasure, so I didn’t find guided masturbation to be a profoundly liberating or empowering experience. That’s not to say I didn’t think it was enjoyable or effective—it definitely was once I found the right audio for me! With such a variety of guided masturbation audio available, anyone who’s open to having a positive experience with the form of self-pleasure can and will enjoy it—it just may take a little bit of exploration to find out what scratches your itch.
With that said, people who are uncomfortable with self-pleasure, haven’t fully explored their bodies, or aren’t entirely sure of how to sexually please themselves should absolutely try listening to erotic instructions. Even if you aren’t comfortable following along at first, simply listening to a coach inform you of how to please yourself and encourage you to do so in a safe space could be extremely liberating and empowering, especially if masturbation makes you feel anxious and embarrassed. Guided masturbation is a great way to meet yourself where you are, wherever that may be.
You can really customize the guided masturbation experience to your sex life, regardless of being a total novice, a full-blown vixen, or anywhere else on the spectrum of sexual activity. “Approach the experience with curiosity, levity, and self-compassion, trying to let go of any expectations or pressure. Think of it as a time to explore and nurture yourself, not just physically but emotionally, too,” Gunsaullus encouraged. Next time you’re in the mood or feeling curious, give guided masturbation a try—you may find it’s just the thing you need to enhance your sex life.
Alyssa Davis, Contributing Writer
Alyssa Davis is a freelance writer specializing in home, lifestyle, beauty, and entertainment content. She studied English at Indiana University and has since produced articles for publications including SheKnows, Architectural Digest, and Well+Good, to name a few.