It is a very odd feeling when an ex-something gets married. Regardless of how long it’s been since you were together or how firmly the relationship’s door was shut, it’s just straight weird when someone you used to share your life with officially commits to someone else… for life.
Three of my exes are now married—insert Good Luck Chuck joke here—and while each one struck me in a different way, I coped with them all pretty similarly. So I’ve collected a list of things to do the weekend one of your exes gets married (especially if you are still single). Because it’s always good to be prepared.
Adventure yo self.
New memories can outweigh old dusty ones. That’s just science. So it can be really helpful to either plan a trip or just try something new. This fall an ex of mine got hitched and my best friend and I drove to Toronto on a whim. Exploring a new city was the perfect distraction and it also helped to be as far away from the scene of the crime as possible. The distance was refreshing and the adventure was healing.
Have your friends remind you why it didn’t work out.
With all past relationships it can be easy to over-romanticize what you once had. Distance does make the heart grow fonder (or less mindful of all the sh*t that didn’t work). The night my very first boyfriend got married, my sister and best friends came over and opened a bottle of Dom Perignon I’d been saving. We proceeded to have a champagne ‘roast’ of my ex and all the ways we were ultimately incompatible. It was SO good to just make light of things and laugh about all of the reasons we were better off with other people (one being he still wore carpenter jeans at the time. Truth.). If this is a little dark for your taste, have your friends toast you and how badass you are. Win/win.
Know that however you feel is fine.
Sometimes it’s hard to decipher how exactly you’re feeling when an ex gets married. You go from nostalgic to hurt to indignant and back again. A good thing to do the weekend your ex gets married is just let yourself feel whatever you want. You’re not pathetic if you are sad; you’re not cold-hearted if you’re not. If you’re still bitter, fine and if you are genuinely happy for him, fantastic. As the kids say: You do you.
Limit social media stalking.
Especially if the relationship still stings or was fairly recent, the less you know about this wedding, the better. This fall when my most recent ex got married (after a very very tumultuous relationship), I decided I could look at my ex’s Instagram once just so that my brain would know it was actually happening. I said I’d just look at the most recent one. I’ll never forget, the photo was of him and his two siblings and he was holding a beer in a coozie that said “Groom.” It was very surreal and I completely lost my marbles for a second, but would you believe me if I told you that after that I never looked again? Well, it’s true. All of that to say, less is definitely more if you are hurting. And if you’re not? Troll the hell out of the wedding hashtag.
Break up the wedding.
Ok this is definitely a joke, but it can be a really fun game to play at brunch with friends. Basically everyone goes around and comes up with the most dramatic, soap opera-esque scenario in which you could burst through the church doors and cause a scene. Using your imagination is fun, right?
One last thing to remember: If you’re going through this and you’re not currently in a relationship don’t take your ex’s apparent ‘relationship success’ as any indication of how loveable or worthy you are. It’s not a race to the altar and his or her timing has nothing to do with your timing. Oh and when in doubt—really great snacks and a few choice beverages make everything better.